I've waited.. and i'm still waiting.. when will you come?

2009-11-08T21:28:00.000+08:00

should i still continue with blogging?
been yrs....

2007-07-07T22:46:00.000+08:00

sigh.. while clicking on "new post", i asked myself.. why do i still blog when i guess, prob, no one reads this blog anymore?

last i blog was quite sometime back.. it's already july now...

work is taking it's toll on me...
low moral? SIGH...

ohhhs.. ytr i took half day again.. =)
had dinner (but for ya all is supper) with glen, brian and florence.... @ meritius mandarin's Chatterbox.. haven't been there for quite sometime.. but well.. i totally enjoy it...
=)

today... didn't go anywhere ecp for chinatown.. and to central to do some stuffs...
a lil sianz lah...

tml? mel gonna watch dim sum dollies..

bleahs... my posts are all so boring...
AHH

2007-06-16T20:25:00.000+08:00

so much things so much things!!!

i took 1.5 days of leave... of which.. perhaps only 0.5 days is constructive.. the rest of it? rot and rot.. slp and slp...

and now... there are so many things that are going wrong...
i stop liking dance?
i got misunderstood?
my distance with someone is clearly there...
i'm lost in life?
and i'm missing somebody?

Other than these, everything is fine!!
but those things are a lil affecting me lah.... esp the 3 point...
friends for so long...... ARGH! damn it!

i should put everything down ba... things change... when ppl walk on the journey of life, they meet lots of things.. forget lots of things.. take on different things and perhaps.. realise how ugly u might be at the end of the day?

am looking at my blog which i haven't been visiting jus now... i'm wondering.. if anyone is really reading.. and if i should jus delete it. a lil no point. also no time to blog... also nth to blog... blah

2007-06-07T11:55:00.000+08:00

when was my last post? may 22... not as long as it seems....

and when will be my last post? i dunnoe...

losing interest in everything..
my friend is correct. i'm losing myself. i really am.

i feel like breaking down and let out a big cry...
but why can't i??

i miss doing so much things.. and i miss so much ppl.

i dunnoe what i'm doing.. but i know i'm definitely losing it....

2007-05-22T12:21:00.000+08:00

is there any kind hearted souls out there who would buy me either a E65 (red) or a red ipod 4GB?

melinda is dreaming!!!!

moody.. pek chek.. feel like smacking everything and anything

2007-05-19T13:20:00.000+08:00

Melinda is thinking about negative things again...

as usual... some ppl can motivate me.. while some can jus make me feel otherwise...
these few days.. its jus.. feeling otherwise.

Am i starting to regret that i'm not pursuing a degree? perhaps so.
i realised, putting a dip holder and a deg holder together, ppl will pick a conversation up with the deg holder..

I also realised that looks are darn impt? not to mention.. figure too.. having it.. is like having all the money in the world... without eat? can eat shit kind..... what a society! hate it hate it...

I think.. i won't go and buy N80 le.. ='(
go and get a tv for my room is better.. when i come home from work.. at times i can't couldn't slp.. jus wanna watch tv... but.. BAH i can't! cos places where the tv are, there will be ppl slping there!

like whtever... i'm so damn disappointed still... this time. i'm not going to expect anything nor something.. i've just seen how i'm treated... as a friend... hanging on for so many yrs... i finally woke up..

2007-05-13T10:38:00.000+08:00

i'm.. disappointed.. happy... and tired..

die le lah.. i still can't get used to london hours.. 2am i already yawn like mad liao! HELP ME!!! going forward, i still have to work till about 3am? 4am?!

i'm disappointed.... cos of certain things...

i hope that this week will be better...

i know certain things won't last.. but somehow.. i think about it

2007-05-11T10:40:00.000+08:00

i'm on the verge of breaking down...

you no longer wan me... that i know for sure...

job scope.. i can't cope...

too much things is proccessing in my mind...

too much things.....

unhappiness > happiness..

why doesn't anyone want me?

its taking a toll on me...

i wanna hide away...

pick me up....

where's my pillar of strength?

2007-05-10T00:08:00.000+08:00

gosh... seems like lots had happen...
but.. infact.. nothing much.

jus completed my 2 day induction training by Credit Suisse...
was rather fun.. get to know more more more ppl? ehehehe

since both days are 9am - 6pm.. i get a lil night life!!!

tues was out with hui bao... bleah.. had dimsum and... went V tea @ esplanade for cakes... yummy.. and today.. out with veron to rocky mas.. to have my fave dbl bake choc cake...

once again.. if i'm down.. u konw why la har.. over the say reason la.. someone... i can't let go again.. bleah.. i'm so... easily affected de!!

work wise? trying hard to cope... tml.. will be learning a new entire new thing.. hopefully i'd learn fast..and able to serve the company soon!

bah.. got lots of things in my mind that i wanna post about before i come here and blog.. but now that i'm here.. i totally forgot what i wanna blog about... BLEAH! my terrible absent mindedness has come back...

quite disappointed... am i not worth investing a lil of ur effort and time?

2007-05-06T14:00:00.000+08:00

another day passed by...
i'm quite dreadful for monday....
dunnoe why.... do i not like work?

hmmm.. now i regret not giving myself any break in between changing jobs...
i guess.. i've tied myself up this life time? one after the other.... bah...

i got my first bdae pressie! hmm... its in one of my wish list.. =)

i guess... i'm ill fated...
surrender.. SURRENDER

2007-05-04T11:38:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so damn crappy..
lack of slp? nah.. i have enough slp... about... 7hours per day?

was thinking about some stuff before i sleep yesterday...
i am jus reading too much into certain stuff....
we are jus friends.. nothing else.. why can't i jus react like JUS FRIENDs attitude?
sigh...
my fault
its me...

been working since the age of 16? nonstop... one after another.. ppl often ask me "u need so much money meh?"

others ask how i cope... i dunnoe.. i somehow manage to finish my poly (after skipping countless of lectures), got on my life, and move on job after job... but then again, my resume don't look nice also? in a short span of 4 yrs dunnoe how many jobs i've changed... keke.. well.. i was a student then.. with attachment.. and part time all falling into place...

i realise i need a break.. when will i have that break?

is it becos of period that i'm feeling this way? not exactly happy... can anyone make me a lil happier?

i'm jus asking for too much...

2007-05-01T23:13:00.000+08:00

ARGH...
melinda is a lil... grumpy now...
but its ok.. soon will be over...
mel had quite a happy day today...

Mel had fried mars bar.....
Mel met her sec sch bestie....
Mel cut her hair...

we were tired... we have no craps this time...
sigh...

but i'm date-d by her for another date... =)
its good enough for someone to remember dates who kinda mean something to me...
hahaha...

and the first person who asked "what u want for bdae?" faintss...
i'd say.. so long u remember....
HAAaaa...
and for the past yrs.. my bdaes are spent with her be it if its sat or sun or mon (ppl always say they are busy during those dates)!!
this yr too!!
hmm
looking forward for that day to makan with her..

if i ever be les.. i guess... don't need to say also know is who... sales assistants jus now... tot i was her PA.... faintss.. =p

good friends cannot shop ah?~ hhahahaha =p

2007-04-29T11:11:00.000+08:00

hmmm
when will be my next post?

HAHAHA>. i'm sure.. tml

Now i really realised why i'm so troubled... it's the feeling of fear... fear of a big drastic change... change of time zone = disconnect with so much things....

if i regret... i could only blame myself..

bahz...
till then...
please... don't forget me....
its jus a different time zone...
i'm still alive..

2007-04-26T15:03:00.000+08:00

no one's reading my blog..

who is?

anyway...

my bdae wish list is out(and its one month later.. sigh.. bdae... I HATE THAT).. *winks*..

1) i wan...

HAHAHAHA..... a new MP3.... 1gb? or 2gb? mine i think is 256mb... can hardly hold anything much. Booo

orr...

2) a hifi set... sony has soemthing nice that's 149.. or panasonic.. that's 79.90.. enzer got one.. that's... 69 i think...
this is... for.. panasonic... 80 bucks...

100bucks... pana also...
hm.... 149bucks.. sony

enzer... i think its 69...

if anyone is reading. tell me which is nice?

3) a pair of dance shoes... i wanna buy that $120 de? but mad..

this is the 120bucks pair.. SIGHS

so maybe a $39 one will do? i already found it too!!

hmm.. what else? that's all for now...

if there's really a rich guy out there.. i wan an apartment too.. hahaha.. remember? i have plans to shift out... till now.. i'm still quite serious about it =)

bleah!

HAHAHa.. the one about apartment is joking only laa... who will be so siao?

but anyway... i guess.. end up... i'd buy all the 3 items listed above myself.. but its ok.. at least there's something out there that i can shop for.

2007-04-24T09:29:00.000+08:00

I'M BLOODY UNHAPPY...

my regret in choosing CS? THE PAY!

why is everyone talking about.. can they jus shut the hell up?!

i hate going home.. and u know why? cos my mom will harp about it! what she expect me to do? earn 2.5 and give her 1.5 jus like what her friend's daughter give?
STOP COMPARING!!!

WHY DO U ALWAYS LIKE TO COMPARE ME WITH OTHER PPL?!
i hate it...

u always say i'm fat.. always say i'm this and that...

i become so pessimistic.. is becos of u!... when is studied hard.. u only see ur son.. when i dunnoe a term, u jus commented "i wonder why u put u through education". since u love ur son so much.. go lah!

i hate being the middle child... they will compare u with the elder and attention tot he younger!

jus leave me alone. how much i give is my bloody problem. why do u wanna know? so that u can buy more things and ask ppl to pay cos its for the home? that's the case.. i think u have got a LONG list to write.

you ask me to shift out? i will do that sooner or later.. i'm hating it.. and u don't know...

why do u wanna add troubles to me.. what u see is that ppl got no troubles.. only u have.. but have u ever know what ur daughter thinks in this bias family?!

and all these is due to one bloody bitch.. who can't shut her mouth.. and tell me mom i have allowance...

she can't wait to see me shift out!
good!

2007-04-20T16:29:00.000+08:00

jus took this test....
and its really quite true

You are tending to pursue your objectives with concentrated intensity and it would seem that whatever obstacles may come into your path, you will stick to your guns and will not allow yourself to be deflected from your purpose. You are striving to achieve recognition and what is more - you deserve it.

You are feeling very vulnerable at this time. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction - business wise, private-life wise, everything. You need some emotional security and an environment which could possibly provide fewer problems, but the way you are feeling you can't be bothered even to make the effort.

We are all conditioned by our environment and as such we respond to people's perception of ourselves, but you feel that conditions are not right at this time. You are experiencing certain reservations that are precluding you to develop a particular relationship, business or personal, that is being offered. It is 'make your mind up time' - the decision is all yours, but whatever decision you make, it will be the right one.

You refuse to relax or to give in and you are endeavouring to keep exhaustion and depression at bay by keeping active. You are experiencing a relationship or a situation which is not satisfactory but you feel powerless to change it. You have that 'need to be needed' but you do little to achieve the sense of belonging that you need. You try to disguise your feelings of insecurity and so you continue to resist this state of affairs - and as a consequence you are experiencing tension and stress. Your depression makes you irritable and impatient. You have that urge to get away from the situation, either actually or mentally. You are finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate.

Anxiety and a restless antagonism, as a result of unfulfilled emotional needs, has resulted in considerable stress. You are trying to overcome this by working and playing extremely hard - but at all times you have your future in mind. You are a worker and as a result of your inherent enthusiasm you cannot fail.

really quite true.. i haven't been feeling so good since the signing of CSFB's contract... i dunnoe what's right or wrong... it seems like.. i'm feeling a lil off already.. becos of something, but that.. i'm sure will be gone soon... and of course.. other factors..

i haven't been slping well tooo.... each 2~3 hours.. i'd wakie once.... and each time i wakie... i expect the alarm clock to ring soon so i can wakie and get dressed for work..

i'm troubled... who knoes...

2007-04-07T09:32:00.000+08:00

gonna have a new beginning, new start, new environment, new ppl, new challenge, new lifestyle.....

its getting scary.... i'm excited... and scared... cos i dunnoe how or what is it going to be...
sigh.. okok.. when time comes.. then we tlak about it..

anyway...
my mind is so occupied by so many things recently.. kinda filled with sadness... i dunnoe what that stupid other party one... its making me.. so... ARGH
=x
anyway.. dunnoe what i'm talking about too..

2007-04-02T00:52:00.000+08:00

Why it always don't happen on Melinda??

sighs!

quite heartbroken

2007-03-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

i was staring at my "title" of the blog suddenly.. i wondered, who was it for? but i guess.. its for no one now...

been how long since i blog? dunnoe lah... alot of things. since my tooth starts to ache again.... it sucks.. cannot eat properly.. seems like i'm jus swallowing everything down... grinning (rite spelling?) my teeth hurts badly... sighs...

since last blog... got lots of things ba.. last blog was fri..
hmm.. let me see what i done so far.... erm.. ok... sat i went back to m'sia.. for my granny's bdae.. had a sumptous (correct?) meal... sunday... bro's bdae... mon? movie.. tues out with tingyi (pri sch mate), wed out with poly mates.. today? movie with bro.. again..

BAH!! quite disappointed with some stuffs ba..

i dunnoe if certain ppl mean it.. but... what he thinks.. is really not the reason for my actions. judging by how much u know me. do you think i'd leave you alone there when i know you don't like it or what? don't i wanna earn extras if i could?

i really hope u understood my reason.... i remember once, someone told me that... ppl would do all the things for you.. perhaps is becos you deserve it... thinking back.. i at times wonder... ppl.. talking about deserve.. maybe is becos u done something to ppl that's why u deserve it what. in this case.. i guess.. cos i dote on u too much. not too much on what u think its supposed to be.

i realised.. i've got no goal in life.. i guess i'm jus a dummy.. a person without a goal.. moves no where... i feel like a dumbass when everyone knows so much things but i? jus that lil..... SIGH

DUMBASS DUMBASS DUMBASS!!!!! <- THAT'S ME bitch!

2007-03-16T23:19:00.000+08:00

i finally bought something that i've been wanting to buy for so long.... kekekekeke
but being the stingy melinda.. i found something that's nice.. and reasonably nice....

kekeke.e. swimming costume................ woot!

so excited for what?
been contemplating to get this shawl for v long.. finally got discount liao... but melinda still dunnoe if i wanna buy.. i don't mind paying it at a full price though. =p

i'm currently v v v v v tired... haven't been slping really well esp ytr..ppl keep waking me up. all i can rmb is that ppl talk to me.... and i think, i talk so much nonsense in reply..

my tooth starts hurting again. so damn! 2 weeks after i see the dentist then hurts. sigh
my mood is terribly bad today... cos of it...

i'm loving subway!

2007-03-14T06:21:00.000+08:00

lucky i wasn't like super paranoid or something
lalalala
=x
RESULTS are out
though with a interim report that is only a borderline pass...
through the help of many, i manage to grad with a nice grade....

Grade for IAP is.. A

and i grad with a GPA of 3.5108

not as fantastic.. .but i think.. its all i ask for.
my prayers are answered.
All thanks to God...

2007-03-11T00:05:00.000+08:00

Inspired by Ytr's post, i bought Chicago's CD today. =x
bought some of the things that has been on my list for quite sometime.. jus that i was too absentminded... always forget to buy....
the melody of Hard habit to break keeps ringing in my mind.... esp the chorus.... each time i hear them..

i ain't happy these few days.. esp today...
anyway.. i had a full 12hours slp ytr.. damn shiok!... but it has became a habit to go out and makan once i wakie on weekdays.. so today is not surprising too.. instead of having my usual lor mee, treated mom to delifrance.. keke... been so long since i last had deli...

night plans were cancelled.... but managed to get pei pei out for dinner... but the time pass real fast... bah!

alot of things are going through my mind now..
can anyone jus listen to me?
i feel so unhappy in me...
i wish u know...
but i know u won't....
cos u can't/ won't be bothered by it
through the way u talk.. i know....
its always one sided... always.....

2007-03-09T21:48:00.000+08:00

hmmm
i was listening to the radio when it played me fav song...
...
its by Chicago... its called, Hard Habit to Break... v meaningful... sometimes.. it applies to me

here it goes..:

I guess I thought you'd be here forever
Another illusion I chose to create
You don't know what ya got until it's gone
And I found out a little too late
I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doin' you a favor I hardly knew you were there
But then you were gone and it was all wrong
Had no idea how much I cared

CHORUS:
Now being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
But I don't want to
Living without you
It's all a big mistake
Instead of getting easier
It's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to ya babe
You're a hard habit to break

You found somebody else you had every reason
You know I can't blame you for runnin' to him
Two people together but living alone
I was spreading my love too thin

After all of these years
I'm still tryin' to shake it
Doin' much better they say that I just takes time
But deep in the night it's an endless flight
I can't get ya out of my mind

CHORUS
2nd Chorus:
Being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
I don't want to
Being without
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier
It's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to you
You're a hard habit to break

it keeps ringing in my head.. maybe i should buy it?

2007-03-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

Birthdays....

today topic.. is birthday... birthday should be quite a sad thing isn't it? one is getting older!
my mom once said.. last time.. their generation, bdae is to honour their mother... the pain the endured for us... but i always replied with a "lalala". HAHA... meanie melinda.. as always...

what's birthday for melinda? nothing but nothing...

actually.. not only bdaes la... all the festive periods are all gone... i mean.. i don't see a meaning to it.. other than christmas.. i don't look forward to anything.. in fact, honestly, i kinda dread for them.

back to the topic... so far... for the yr 07.. i already had 4 persons whose bdae has past..... to all i can remember la...
brian's.. which of course i know how we celebrated.. my mom's.. i also remember... v v simple.. cos she was too hungry that she had first.. and end up too full to eat during night.. such a turn off... my sis... that... we spent the day in church.. rejoicing (she hates it when i say this. HAH) but she had a pre celebration with friends.. then wan ching.. i did not go for her celebration.. (sorry babe).. but really kinda feel out of place whenever we are all out tgt...

next week.. i still got 2 more bdaes to go.... BAH.... and i'm so not looking forward to mine again.... i'd only plan for ppl... HAHAH

=p
melinda is a weirdo..
that's all...

2007-03-07T22:00:00.000+08:00

at times i wonder.. what are friends for?
but i know they are impt..

but somehow.. i dunnoe.. why.. i'm always a follower...
not that i didn't wanna be a leader...
when they need me.. i'm always there.. i mean say go out or what
then when i need ppl... there is always no one

i dunnoe la.. i feel.. like i dunnoe what i am.. a friend.. or a hi-bye

whtever

ppl always have time for other friends.. but not me...
when it comes to melinda.. its always busy

i miss the lunches we have... those days when we meet to have lunch
well... that is how many yrs ago?! during sec sch
but that are good memories..
now? sigh
even dinner also need a 3rd person
or.. even dinner also say u are busy busy busy
hmmm
but yet there's so much time in the world to do so much more with others

that's the difference with someone with too much friends.. and someone without friends....
is it so hard jus to give some time?

i say so much also no use.. that person also dunnoe i'm talking about him..

2007-03-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

when someone is pessimistic.. really everything also not nice ah?

the past week has been a downer... i'm pessimistic.. about myself, my future. up to the extend.. i think i've grown in size.. ugly.. getting listless.. no matter how i look at my hair.. i think its sickening. i think i don't have enough clothes, i don't look nice in ANYTHING
suddenly i feel like throwing away all my clothes.... man.. what is good? what is nice....?!?!
i feel so lonely... i am restricting myself to some ppl these few days.. the same ppl here and there... sigh... down down down down down down!

hmmm.. i can't help can't help... thanks for those who spent the past few days with me.. being out with u all.. brought a lil smile...

And now u are trying to get back into my life... but everything is different. u won't get the melinda u used to get. i can't let go.... cos... the feeling is already there.. feeling of love? no... other things... don't misunderstood.

2007-03-04T09:31:00.000+08:00

hmmmmm

weekend is over for me..

sianz..

i've yet to recover from that *sigh* friday night... whtever...

i decided to give up on uni. i have my own reasons. ask me personally if u care to.

feeling was still heavy ytr.... actually don't really feel like going out. but needa go ikea to get the side table that i want.... leen went with me. surprisingly, for a sat, there wasn't much ppl at ikea... i guess cos there was an addition ikea @ tampines now... got what i wan.. and headed off to... to... oh! changi airport for popeyes!! keke.. been so long since i last had that.... now their meal only has one side.. not 2 sides le.. but still quite full lah.. so its ok... drag around.. dilly dally... end up we spent like 3 hours there?! hahaha.. i was quite amused.. cos there ain't anything in Changi airport in the first place. and i am still able to do some shopping for a bestie's bdae gift.. =)

anyway... fixing the table was a CHORE =x

and now my thumb hurts now...

pain pain!

still need to put varnish before it's completed..

bleah!!!!

okies.. the snall table ish my new side table....

2007-03-03T10:19:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry.. sorry for making u frustrated again...

i didn't choose to feel what i'm feeling
i'm thinking of giving up uni...
sigh.. big morning and my tear is flowing again...

i jus don't like to see the disappointment in ppl's face u get it?
becos i did not give a goal for myself...
i give all i can
sigh
whtever

2007-03-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

hmmm...

melinda had a quite peaceful day i guess
but she's so unhappy
where are her friends when she's sad? (ahh... dunnoe if she got friend)

at times.. i wonder why i'm there for ppl.. when they ain't there for me...
hmmm
nvm.. that's me....

=)
but.. i'm still unhappy...
anyone cheer me up?

i'm dreaming......
i wanna tell ppl
i really wanna tell someone.. and let go...
hurts.

Just leave my life and one go. don't ever come back. u brought hurt to me emotionally and physically... be happy with ur attachment in KL and don't ever look for me again. jerkass

2007-03-01T20:38:00.000+08:00

i quote this from Cyril Wong's work:

"what is the use of a longer life when it offers no answers that I don’t already know now? What is the use of a beautiful woman who loves me if her love was not first born of friendship, and don’t all beautiful women grow old in the end? What is the use of riches when people stop looking at you for who you are, but for the price of your clothes, the jewellery that you adorn? What is the use of fame if it would make me suspect the intentions of anyone who wanted to be my friend"

i find this para... is rather..... meaningful? also cannot say meaningful laa.. jus that i tot that its a beautiful para..

=)

half day tml....
but gonna go dental
='(
and when will i be going to ikea?!

went manhanttan again for lunch today.
bah!

2007-02-27T16:17:00.000+08:00

i jus read a friend's blog....

and i think
i know what he's saying
and this... i'm v certain..
becos of a give away sentence....

hmmm
i wanted to know what happen too.. but i guess i shan't ask.. cos i know it will not be answered.... i'm not the first to turn to.. perhaps the last to turn to.... so be it then....

got used to disappointments.. hahahha
bleah

i'm super full.. went to asia hotel for makan...
super uber full
full till i can slp here now instantly!
ahhhhhhhhhh

next monday is such a lazy day... and.. i'm on half day on fri
=)

2007-02-25T11:21:00.000+08:00

what a morning.. wake up to realise that my nose is bleeding..
SIGH
sickening..

i'm rather unhappy...
quite unhappy..
i dunnoe why
why don't time pass a lil faster

i'm scare of so many things

how many ppl knoe my fears or my unhappiness? none i guess.....

since so long ago.. i kept things in me...
it seems like no one can share it with me...
sigh.. so be it

2007-02-24T16:50:00.000+08:00

boo boo!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EVERYONE!

today is the 7th day of CNY.. its ren ri..!

this yr's CNY was the most happening one for me... it started off from the 16th Feb... when we cel Glenda's bdae... till today.... getting more and more nights out. feeling more and more lethagic. bleah!

haha.. and.. its the first time i wakie at 2pm... when i slp at 4.30 in the morning....

but i'm still not in a good condi... sigh... dunnoe why.. i don't exactly feel v well these few days.. been waking up jus to throw up... today when i wakie... i have a strong crave for macdonals.

kekekeke...

anyway.. i feel like going out.. but i'm so lazy and tired laaa!

hmmmmmmm

madded..

and i finally can upload pics le... some some outdated pics...

went the manhantten fish market with both my cousins.. kekeke. my cutie pie...

haha.. i've nv seen brian as "crazy" as that.

2007-02-12T21:09:00.000+08:00

the last post can be ignored.. melinda's talking rubbish
sighie

when will love comes from melinda?

anyway.. even before love comes.. there are more things in my mind
i'm officially sick of going to work... wrong.. correction... i'm officially sick of seeing someone
other than that.. i'm happy at work! wee!
=x

oopsy
too straight forward? haaaaaaaaaaa

anyway.. melinda gonna be very very busy this week
which is also something that she hates.
bah!
*roar*

melinda is sianz lah
rabbit yr really is a bad yr meh?

is melinda that bad?

why is someone worse than melinda.
i don't believe that i cannot make it. but i believe that she cmi. not becos i say so and not cos i'm arrogant. but cos other ppl say so too..

sigh...

2007-02-10T15:06:00.000+08:00

i like the way you hold me closely to your side..

i like the way u whisper into your ears...

i have selective listening, u can only hear it when u tell me that u miss/ love me

i like it when we stare into each other's eyes without saying anything

i love the kisses we exchange...

you are the only one who thinks that i'm hot.... (dunnoe u are lying or what)

but i have to let go......

SIGH

another BBQ coming up.. sianz
sucks...
continuous 2 weeks of BBQ
VERY SIAN AH!

2007-02-07T22:44:00.000+08:00

i've got lots in my mind to say actually.. but dunnoe where to start with....

been thinking a lil today
why do i seem like the last in the queue for certains things? why is it so unfair?
do i always get to see u? no....
do they always see you? well.. more than i do i guess
it is so hard to talk to me? perhaps so
why? i dunnoe why
i feel like crying.. but a lil useless.. if its in the past.. i'd cry... but i've grown... with the same hrt.. the same melinda.....

i jus wish i have a lil more.... maybe u are like him... too much friends, too much activities, too much dates, too busy... one day.. its jus your turn to ignore me...

sigh
today is a rotten day
totally rotten...
went office to see a neat table un-neat.....
to have ppl called me "mo mo ren"
and not to have my KFC
aiya.. nv have KFC also good
i'm feeling so damn fat
so be it
i dont think i can fit my CNY clothes now
=x

2007-02-05T10:54:00.000+08:00

argh argh argh!! i am not able to upload my pics... ='(

sad sad..

anyway....

brian's bdae is over!!! todya is also the submission of my report... and i'm officially out of ngee ann! =x and of course ... my funiture is coming!

*let a big sigh*

right... the past week.. i was v v v blur.. i actually told brian that we are going for a BBQ on his bdae? when i was telling everyone to keep it as a secret? man! damn lah!

knowing that i will go mad with my report... i got all the food and such ready... =)
am glad that he enjoyed himself throughout the night.. its was his day.. keke

everything pass with jus a blink ah.... ppl grow up... i've come to the end of my poly journey... CNY is coming.. and the next thing we'd know? Xmas is here!
okok.. i'm going mad.. i'm already thinking of Xmas.. =)

today super suay... i woke up damn early... like what? 9.30? considered early for a non-working day la.... while washing face.. i smell blood.. wondered why... when i look into the mirror.. i saw blood coming out of my nosey!! =x eew! so that went for for like... 30 mins or more... it jus bleed and bleed... first time like that.. i got a shock..

and now... i'm having a biggggg headach.. bah!! what a day for leave... haaa... maybe jus now when i nose bleed i should already go and see doc liao.. then get MC instead of leave. =x

2007-01-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

sigh sigh sigh..

everynight.. there's something that i should do... but tonight.. i dare not do it...
its something.. that i do.. and will get a v bad mood swing.. after doing it.. i don't wish to do anything.. it hurts like mad... i jus feel like crying.. and crying...

sigh

dear mr-you-know-who... pls get out of my life and nv come back.... stop giving me attitude.. and start all ur "fuck" and "oi" with me. i'm not a piece of toy for you to play with. neither am i a cab agent for you to come and call for a "cab" and hail whenever u like. look for your gf....

hmm
i don't understand guys...
bah
esp those grown ups...

i'm not a piece of toy la..
pls...
sigh

2007-01-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

sigh!!! WHY CAN"T MY PICS GET UPLOADED?!?!?!?!

argh!
whtever

so shall it be lah!

hmmmm....

almost forgot what i wanna blog..

kekeke..

Pan Labyrinth is NICE!

but i've yet to watch "The Queen"

ok... i've got to buy that new earring for my CNY.. my sis good.. go thailand didn't buy for me
hmmmm

ok la,. there are some sad things lah
but i don't think i wanna blog la... forget.... its jus karma...

it used to be how i treat him... its now.. how he treats me....

he used to tell me say what our friend think....

now i hear what my friend tell me about us... both story is opp. =x so its karma!!
=x

2007-01-17T20:17:00.000+08:00

i am not good..... not in a good shape..

1) getting more and more listless
2) the other day i kinda sprain my leg? but becos of work.. wore heels... and it hurts even more.. no one knows how hurtful it is when my feet leaves the shoes.. and touch the ground...
3) my throat? it had never been better.. it hurt hurt hurts!!!

sigh
and there's this childish friend of mine.. who wanna say and differentiate the difference btw ppl working in shenton way and orchard.... faintss... and he's 30 yrs old... can someone proof me wrong? the older u get the more silly u get too? MUAHAHAHHA "shenton way ppl are more 'polite and prim'? and orchard ppl are cool"?! and the worse came when he said "since when do u see ppl at shenton way on sunday. its so dead.. jus like ppl working there" OH MAN!!! i don't think he;s thinking lah.. i swear i didn't reply lah waste my time.... orchard got shopping centre lah! and what has shenton way? party world KTV? MUAHAHAHahahhaa
ok lah

quick pray that i get sick tml

2007-01-16T21:48:00.000+08:00

sigh
this qns has always been in my mind... but it comes and goes... now it had came back.. and my ans is still the same.. it's me... it's me... sigh

now there's another qns... i'm not sure what i chose was right... i'm waivering again... i'm quite fearful... should i or shouldn't i.. sigh
i'm always lost... sigh
what should i do?

i dunnoe what to do laaa

scream...

who will be there for me?>

hmmm.. i should stand independent!!!

sighhh
where are friends???
do i have them?
where are u?
where are u when i need you?

why am i try to be there when u can't be bothered
ahhh.. this is something btw men and women again?
sigh

can i fall sick pls?pls pls pls?

2007-01-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

kekeke.... forgot when was my last i didn't even bother to go and see before coming here to post again

ytr went for NTU talk.. i think i can forget about going NTU.... well well... went for shopping.. but the 3 of us who went out, clarice, celine and me were too too too tired.. so a lil grumpy along the way? they didn't buy much... but i did =x oopsy... got myself.. a nike sports bra, nike track pants, reebok top... then went back to malaysia.. since my cousin is driving me up... =p

well... supper before we go back... today morning, go to granny's place then out... =) and what's for breakfast? oreo cheese cake!! =x see la.. go my granny's place is like that one... eat and eat and eat... then went out again... to Tesco... lalalla.. nth to buy leh.. but i got Dunkin' Donut! =x and also the last piece of clothes for my CNY.. which is a pants from giordano.. so stupid rite... faintss.. end up its from Giordano.. kee.. had fish and chips from the manhanttan fish house (is it spelled this way)?

faints lah! 4 person eat.. total only what? RM62 and it's like... S$30 only lah!

then went back to granny's house to eat more and came back =p

2007-01-12T20:44:00.000+08:00

weee...
melidna finished her NAPFA!!!
not really finished la...
cos i didn't take 2.4 run.. u know why? cos its RAINING!!! =x

but its ok.. overall i'm quite suprised and kinda happy with the results... sit and reach i think is 37 ba? then i did 30 sit ups? erm... 15 incline chin up? and... i broke my standing board jump record!! its 130cm! weee!! though its still a fail rate la.. but its worth to be proud of la... normally only 110+++ ekekekek!

hmmm.. that's all for today ba...
past few days were kinda... cos got to know my interim report is like a low B? even Mr. Lee is asking me what's happening that i fail to perform... why?! sigh... i'm concerned.. how to go uni... sigh... melinda is like.. not smart enough ba....

well.. the down period is over...
its over its over

who made me happy? celine and gang.. thanks...
thanks for whoever who lent me ur listening ear... esp mervin.. gonna handle his GF and me.. =)
thanks thanks!

2007-01-06T11:12:00.000+08:00

hmmm...

i suddenly wonder.. for certain topic... why i'm doing certain thing... when... i dunnoe if ppl will appreciate... sigh... its gonna quite a big scarific...

can anyone wake me up... and ask me what i'm doing? i'm like being brain-ed washed. sighie...

alright... i went balcony... and service was really lousy to the core.. i can't believe it la.. even the ok ok going paige also wanna complain.. so.. i'm not the one who's bad...

sighie...
i'm rather upset now

anyway... i am v keen for Uni... i can do it.. i'm sure...
jus gonna pray hard that i could be in.....
hmmm... i got my extension in GIC approved... but.. the final approval will only comes from the director.....

bah

2007-01-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

hmmm i think i kinda can join fear factor liao

=x

i had something jsu now... =x.. and that is.. CHICKEN's HEART!!!!

-SCREAMS-!!!!

=x

yes... i had that....

what a sinful night la.. went to gym.. then after that went buffet... crap..

MELINDA!!! ur gym doesn't help.. u are eating more than what ur gym can help!!!
sigh

2007-01-03T21:07:00.000+08:00

Happy new yr!!!! though this came a lil late... but.. hope you all don't mind la (in the first place, who reads my blog??)

it was a LONG LONG LONG LONG hols!

on the 29th... i went out till 4am... wooOO! though it was a quiet quiet supper session.. but we enjoyed whtever that's on the tv (that's the thing that stop us from talking)

30th? hmmm... i only woke up at 11am... went out to meet Mrs Ong for lunch at suki sushi... tskie! nice talk with her... and of course.. we had lotsa good food!!! sashimi.... sushi.. and lots and lots of sashimi... spent like... 2 hours there? then out with my babes! (=x not mine laa) celine and ching! hadfun shopping with them... finally get to shop with ching again lah! =x that was till about 9.30... head home, changed went partying!!! weee!

31th? i stayed home! good gal rite?

1st?! i went for ms yet's bdae!!!! i did something childish la.. i lied to her that i am not going.. but the fact was, i am going =x lalal.. that i ended up reaching home at about 1am?

2nd? hmmm... went for shopping with sister then went K box with kelven, jean and his friend...

muahhahaha.. that's the end of my 4 days.... but i'm sure that that's the best 4 days of my life! i mean.. its the best break i ever had!

kekeek!

i'm ending it here no one read too.. i'm having a headach =)

2006-12-26T21:25:00.000+08:00

Xmas is over.. ended up going back to m'sia in the end.. well.. kinda bored and fun laa..

decided to head back.. cos i'm kinda bored here... went back is like as if movies marathon laa.. but all i watched before de.. got... Mr. Incredible, Polar Express, Home ALone 2 and shrek 2.. MUAHAHHAHAahaha.. m'sia Astro (which is our cable TV) they got almost all the channel la.. and cost much less. bleah.. sianz man.. singapore's stuff is always so costly =x

keke... but i still got bored and slpt on the sofa... well... not only slp la.. i get food.. and presents too!!! =x curry... BBQ... man! drools... okok.. madded

but came bback late that i was so tired today.. bleah... moody..

hmm.. i'm already started to talk rubbish le.. ii'm so cold till my hands and fingers are all numbed...

blog when i have tim! still, happy holidays!!! (another holiday is coming up)

2006-12-24T16:22:00.000+08:00

bleah!

its CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!

melinda is all dressed so early for i dunnoe what..

muHAHAHahahah ok la.. for my family dinner la... waiting for my dad to come back then we can leave for dinner liao.. lallalalalalla... going ramen ramen?? dunnoe where we are going man..

lallaa.. next month i feel like going KL leh.. but i dunnoe go there for what.. i feel like going to phi phi island more sia.... hmmmmm... but next month i got one more expense to take into account, my perming of hair!!! =x

ok.. i'm madded....

Before i go.. post pics that i've jus taken say, 5 mins ago.

hahah... this is my new BF... handsome huh... (who would believe me man)

Merry X'mas to ALL of you out there!!!!!

2006-12-23T14:54:00.000+08:00

This is super ultra bored day.... lunch app cancelled.. which is anticipated la.. same kinda excused used by the same person.. as always...

like always, work is so so... been busy with X'mas the past weeks, wrapping and buying of presents... keee.. cracking of brain of what to buy.. who to buy.. blar blar blar....

keee... met up with brian and leen on wed, dunnoe is it cos i'm there.. tt's why it was kinda sianz kinda mood.. or cos the 3 of us are really tired..... bAH

thurs, went to merchant court hotel for department lunch... tskie... the durian is ultra nice lah!!! and went to modesto at night.... such a fattening week rite?? faintss

wondering what i'm gonna do on the 24th... to Su's house or to K?? -roar-

nonetheless, many thanks to those who gave me X'mas presents!!! Celine (candle), Laureen (calender), Clarice (pillow from hallmark), Jane (m)phasis' bag), Colleen (PhotoFrame), Ching Nam (photoFrame), Irene (furry raindeer), Moi Yen (card holder), Li peng (book Mark) & Trish (starbucks JavaChip).

haa.. pai seh ah.. before xmas its alr all opened =x
MUAHAHAHahahahHHAHa.....

ANyway... before i sign off... some random pics...

Happy Holidays!

Wishing you a Joyous Christmas,
Melinda

2006-12-06T20:33:00.000+08:00

This is a super outdated post.. hahahaha... pics, or rather, neoprint taken during my pri sch outing during the mid nov... hahaha.. super lag rite.. but i totally like the picture... niceeee *smiles*

keee... now.. i'm wondering how old i am.. i don't look or act 19... my memory status is DEFINITELY not like a 19yr old....

BAH!!!....

career?? studies??? freak... can feb not come?? sigh... ='(

i'm really worried for it.. unemployment rate is so high.. with my memory status... sigh.. i'm worried for myself.. ARGH

sigh...

bye bye melinda. BAH

2006-12-02T14:39:00.000+08:00

after waiting a few yrs... i finally see it coming out of you... a simple sentence... HAHAHHAA>.. alright.. its good enough to brighten up my rotten week.. and dull day..

yeah.. like i jus said.. rotten week... its really rotten man... totally sucked at work.. why?? cos melinda is so useless.. sigh.. why can't she do soemthing rite??!

for the whole of last week.. i was a super good gal.. go home straight everydya.. and slp at like 10pm?? only ytr i didn't la..

danny and veron are finally back from thailand... my crapology side is gonna resume soon! =x met up with danny ytr for dinner... tsk tsk... shopped a lil.. before heading to rocky mas for dessert.. and dbl bake choc cake was avail ytr lah!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeee! =x kekeke.. i was so glad... kkek =p

yeah.... nth much... same old life... hmmm

2006-11-26T23:26:00.000+08:00

*period*
that explains why my mood is up and down.. down and up these few days... jus.. easily irritated (maybe i already am.. need not period to add in the word "easily")

why is it... that when i leave something each time.. i jus have to close connections there? can't anything else continue? must it go on till the end of my life???? ARGH i'm a lil sadded by it.

anyway.. life is getting better.. but i'm getting more and more introvert. lesser white hair for me (claimed by me sister who always like to look out for my white hair(s))

sigh... the only thing i'm not happy is... eh.. nothing? not yet?

I DON'T KNOW!!

2006-11-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

had been a week.... busy week... work is ok... stress lvl is getting higher... lacking of sleep for the whole week (but manage to catch some slp on sat.. which was super duper nice)

but i still have this qns.. why is there unhappiness whenever i am around... all these unhappiness made me wanna giveup... my will is no longer strong now... small unhappiness... i jus wanna give up...

i'm still searching for my ans "what's life?"

other than that, i had many great times last week, dinner with section, manicure, dinner with pri sch friends, and cousin staying over... ikea shopping...shopping for xmas tree ornaments...

xmas supposed to be a joyous occasion.. where has the joy go to? i try to make things nice.. but it would never be nice.. why can't it be nice??

thinking about it.. there's nth to be excited about.. not has if i've got lots of parties to attend, lots of present to take... its headach period.. headach how i should spend the lonely xmas... headach on what to buy who...

when will i start loving myself... money coming out from my wallet to others are so easy... $50? $100.. doesn't seems to be a thing.. but how come when i wanted to buy things for myself that 50, that's 100 i nv once bear to take it out of my pocket?

hmmm...

2006-11-12T21:21:00.000+08:00

i am really unhappy..
i don't like the way i look... and such.. the way i looked...

yeah.. i must do something to it.. but does it help??
its ok.. tears jus rolled down...

i'm fat.. and i'm jus fat.. no one would like a fat pigggg...

sigh..
i wanna cry my way through

2006-11-09T22:17:00.000+08:00

hahahhaa.. a few days not blogging seem so long..

another week has passed fast...

this month will continue to be this way.....

been rather busy at work these few days.. but somehow.. i'm v stressed over it... SIGH.....

X'mas?? i'm not looking forward to it... my sister say give me ipod.. where's it? liar.... now say my dad wanna give me phone?? sigh.. ok... nvm.. forget it..

whatever~

though band is out of my life for now... but i still remain... busy... dunnoe why la... this whole week.. this is the only day that i reach home early....

the feeling i am having.. is asking me to cry

2006-11-06T00:46:00.000+08:00

when you went around the blog wishing them merry x'mas, i look at my tag board... nothing

when you praise people on how nice they look, i remembered i nv once hear those words... i think i was nv once pretty

when you are out playing.. i feel that i brought ur troubles...

sometimes.. looking at things.. i don't understand why.. i convinced myself with no reason. ppl may tell me "becos u are close" haa.. which i partially agree...

does everyone receive that "busy, not free, don't want la, see how" that i receive.. for this.. i'm sure.. some do...

haa.. i feel like a rejected good...

well.. but that was the past.. past.. past past...

what is the present.. what does the future holds for me.. more of such things?

ahh.. this post is not as pessimistic as it sounds k..

2006-11-05T19:00:00.000+08:00

Being as a middle child is v fair...

the eldest will always get all the first attention.. the "fresh parent" attention... the youngest.. also gets the attention cos they are too young... same for my family la.. and the plus point? my sister is raised by my granny, thus, more doted.

there's no status for me here.. its jus like a house, with a bed that i slp on. it doesn't hold anymore meaning for me.

why does they always get to win and i'm always the ridiculous one? perhaps i am..

is there somewhere in the world i can be??

a new chapter has begun, what do i want? sigh.

this is not fair..................... why do i always get the lousier things?

why why why.. i feel like crying again.

xmas wishlist??
1) Pure White Linen Eau de Parfum spray by Estee Lauder
2) One more watch (formal)
3) this dorothy perk top that cost 63 =(
more to come??

2006-10-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

i never once believe in curses... neither did i REALLY believe in black magic...
but now.. i believe..

and i think i'm cursed..... either that or i must have done something terribly wrong that God wants to punish me this way.. or is it God's calling.. reminding me that i need him in my life.. that it's time to put him into my life?

things around me.. are always so unhappy... starting from my family... it nv ends... btw my parents, siblings... so on... things that has been a part of me.. my friends... band? work?! even work is going against me now... the computer system there seems to dislike me... whenever i wanna use.. it get some weird error that nv happens. or would not happen... which mean impossible laa.. even some colleagues also say i v suay... maybe i am... jus a jinx.. i really believe i'm one now...

look at things around me.. band.. friends...family.. isn't they much better off without me.. let me tell u.. of so many times i say i feel like dying when i'm down.. nv once.. the feeling of dying feel as strong as now... why am i here when i only bring unhappiness around?

2006-10-29T00:48:00.000+08:00

i still pray.. that i will be a quiet gal.. why can't i live a single day jus WITHOUT talking?

why can't i survive a day alone..

i've got to learn to eat alone... shop alone... watch movie/concerts alone...

i've been listening to the same song.. over and over again... christina aguilera's HUrt... it brought out the different side of her... i mean.. not like her usual style of singing.. i like the whole tune of that song.. but haven't look into the lyrics yet..

2006-10-28T10:57:00.000+08:00

CAN PPL STOP BEING SO FUCKINGLY CHILDISH?!!!

AND STOP PUTTING THINGS UR FUCKING WAY LAH!

the more i read something.. the more angry i feel.. like wtf... u wanna assume something.. then come and put in ur mouth (maybe at times i know.. but at times i will say i'm jus dramatising things) like wtf

and have u give a freaking respect to what u do?! HAVE YOU?! all u wanna do is to get the limelight.. get lo.. if that makes u happy.... i can't be bothered less... anyway.... i don't give a damn lah...

well.. melinda believe in KARMA...

2006-10-27T22:46:00.000+08:00

damn damn damn damn damn!!! e show i wanna watch... none of the show time is favourable to me ='( sigh...gonna missed it again.. see lah! at times not melinda don't wanna watch movie lo.. but when she has the time to.. mei you liao.. *sob sob*

sigh.. i still think i'm cursed.. anything that i'm close with.. or whtsoever i'm in contact with will nv have a good ending... sigh.. today is another day to poor that statement man... BAH

anyway.. remember the bag i wanna buy from marina?! tsk tsk!! the shop owner agreed to ship in for me!!! but well.. let me go to far east and see if i prefer that bag or the marina de.. hahahahahhaa... i'm gladddddddddddddd...

my bro is going to KL, taiping, penang for... about.. a week?! yeah... he is... man... i wanna go =( i went... 2 yrs back... is it 2 yrs or last yr? all saints/souls day ma... go and visit grand-dad blah blah... i wish i can go.. though its like sitting in the car for dunnoe howwwwwwwwwww long.. but i still enjoy it...

2006-10-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

what is love?
sigh...

i wish to know

2006-10-25T20:51:00.000+08:00

ARGH!! i will always remember i have this super good friend named Tan Jin Ting, who happily woke melinda up at 5.40AM!! still can ask me "what are you doing?" SLEEPING LAH!! still need to ask meh!! hahahah bleah!! made me super sleepy one whole day lo...

i wonder if i have kidney problem man.. my lower right back is super pain.. whnever i stand.. it hurts.

anyway... had lunch with danny, veron and... clement.. bleah!! another day of laughter.. forever... well well.. oh!! veron got me the cross i liked since long ago... *sweet*

anyway. when i got back to the office.. when my mentor tell me that i will not be staying in the middle office.. i will be trsf to the front office to help the traders... mistakes are unforgivable... at first..i was kinda paranoid about me being transfered, i jus settled down in the MO.. and now, i'm going to go to a new place... =( no one to talk to.. all more... aged men... sigh... no more laughter.. man.. sad...

nvm.. its time to grow up!! need to get used to things.. front office is a better opp to learn.. it will reflect well in my CV next time too!! that's what glien said too! =x oopsy

melinda is tired...

2006-10-24T12:11:00.000+08:00

Melinda is bored to death....... holidays are often like that.. esp when i don't have much plans... but i'm still v tired la... haaaaaaaa talking about it.. i broke my record... slept at 1.15am (thereabout) and woke up at 11.37am.. hiak hiak!!! u hardly see me slp till so late...

had a... not-so-nice dream.. but lucky it was only for awhile.. and i was fast asleep for the rest.. tsk...

i asked myself last night when i was having my supper at KAP... "is what i'm doing what i want?" yes, i know ppl leave during the whole course of life.. but.. "IS THAT WHAT I WANT NOW?" i'm jus going to make myself unhappy? why can't i cling on to it?

sigh

anyway.. saw another bag... now confused..

2006-10-22T21:19:00.000+08:00

my memory isn't getting any better... today i was on the bus coming back home... i felt emptiness.. only 30mins after the bus ride.. i realised that i didn't listen to MP3 or rather.. i forgot the existance of it. this is getting from bad to worse...

honestly, its scary... i'm only 19... no one can feel the fear i have.

2006-10-22T00:24:00.000+08:00

its scaring me!!! i'm having some sort of memory lost... -AHhhhhh... pulls hair-

i was around my house area today.. when i suddenly dunnoe if that's the bus stop i should alight (which is not la).. sigh.. this is no good.. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

sigh.. today... was a... tiring day... ytr went out till 5+ in the morninggggggggggg.... but it was super fun!... weeeee -sing sing sing- whoops =x

hmmm... some diff feeling is in me... like.. do i really know him like.. that... well?
i simple phone call.. and i jus.. roughly guessed what's that phone call for... and was a spot on.. faints.. no comments... and i dunnoe what to say.. do i really really know?

2006-10-19T23:30:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling sucky... feeling so out.. who's there to listen.. i v much wanna relax.. sigh... tension and everything get into me.. what's wrong man.. =(

sigh..

i think i am mad..

2006-10-17T22:54:00.000+08:00

i wish i could die.. but i ain't got courage..

no more fakes.. no more lies.. no more separation.. no more unhappiness... no more pain.. no more saddness...

there's no point... no aim...

2006-10-16T19:31:00.001+08:00

"and i don't know why, so many things, seems to get in the way"

this song's lyrics is ringing in my head since i dunnoe when.. it rings harder today...
one whole day.. other than this lyrics.. alot of things is going through my head. what i've said ytr.. what went on ytr... the exact words i used..

yeah.. my qns for the past few days was answered... yes, i am happy forawhile.. cos i ignored that pain i had... and now.. the pain had come back.. it's not what u have done.. but what things had changed. yups.. but i'm not gonna be selfish. what i wanted, is not what u want.

i realised.. no matter how i try.. i'll nv make it. i'll nv be the best.. not near the best, if selection takes place... it'd nv be me... i remembered how a friend told me about my attachment.. now.. in a friendship.. in anywhere.. it applies...

its always my fault...

can i disappear from the face of the earth.. i'm really sad and down.. i dunnoe what to do...

nvm.. i can rite all rubbish.. no one reads

2006-10-16T19:31:00.000+08:00

2006-10-14T22:56:00.000+08:00

i haven't blog for so long man...
am a lil sick now... my nose is giving me prob

kee.. i woke up at 9+ today.. like a pig la... online.. slack.. showered... smsed.. and got out of my house at 11am to meet my friend.. bleah...

on my way to sch. i had a really bad gastric.. like as if i'm a pregnant lady... having contractions here and there.. hahaha.. that's the only way i can think of to describe about what i had this morning...

and i sace this bag that i like it alot alot alot. sigh... sigh.. ok.. headach.. whtever.. i'm not well.. pukey today too.. sigh

i really wish to have something in my life... but that seems to be so far from me... i don't have to courage to face it... i don't even have to courage to face myself.. there's nothing about myself to be proud of.. =(

2006-10-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

hmm... mixed feelings this whole day.. like.. can't decide what i'm feeling, really getting more and more introvert.. can go medicure alone.. go shopping this early morning myself.. bleah

went to VIVO... tell u.. GOOD PLACE TO SHOP AH!!! melinda this shopper also haven't walk finish.. and the shops are only like 50% open lo...and i haven't walk finish.. hahahahhahaa... saw alot of things to buy.. there's this dress i like.. ahhhhh (sponsers?)

this this.. kekeke.. i wanna buy this dress.. S$50.. can can?! niceey???? i like ley.. but my sister said so so only.. my bro said not bad... bleah!!!!!! can i buy??! i wanna buy!!! BAH!!!!

sigh.. this yr xmas will be held at my place... but guess none of my friends will come laa.. all stay so far.. if not.. i'm not too fun to hang out with... BLEAH... i'm a lil starting to have that xmas feeling le... laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

HOW??!! should i buy that dress?? sigh

2006-10-08T10:28:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. the vein melinda went for medicure ytr... since i've got nothing much to do, i made an appointment to go and do medicure.. but i made a v stupid decision that i kinda regret, nvm la... what's done is done.. bleah!!!

suppose to head down to lavender to take my pay.. then down to bugis for a lil shopping and dinner, BUT, boo hoo hoo, i only start doing my nails at 6pm instead of my app time of 5.30pm.. so.. ended up... at tiong bahru... =p

yes... i discovered happiness... but, now the qns i post to myself is, am i really happy? or am i acting like as if i'm happy to drown my sorrows?

i felt that i've got to let out something, which i can't identify what... each night.. i jus feel like going drinking... faints.

bleah.. monday is coming soon... i'm still hoping for MORE work... MORE MORE MORE!! =x oopsy. tsk tsk

alrighty, its a sunday morning and i'm already bored.. i'm getting fatter and fatter... congrats to me.. =x

and i have a super super ultra horny dream ytr... damn dumb la... of all the pregnant and marriage dream i have... =.=

well.. its a dream after all.... if i can meet the genie.. i would as for one dreamt o be true.. that is... THAT dream.. tsk tsk!!

2006-10-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

Friends are supposed to be understanding, and patient and such.. but i'm not.. so i'm not worth a friend..

been living an introvert life lately. been happy being alone... lunching alone in the office...

i'm rather pissed off by the fact how guys at times treat gals like a piece of shit, when they need you, they will turn to you. be it normal work stuff or sexual stuff or whatsoever... what are this kinda guys called? jerks. and you know what's the funny thing about it? they tot we didn't notice. -shrugs- if not, they will jus show off to you who they are seeing and such... stop being such a jerkass la. made use ppl and that's it? u are jus showing the side of you.. ur ugly tail, pls keep that properly yeah? and... guys who wanna lie, here's a tip for u: TALK WITH CONSISTANCY!!!

BAH...

2006-10-04T22:10:00.000+08:00

there's this song.. with the most perfect lyrics that feels my heart now... Love you lately by Daniel Powter... but i don't seem to find that lyrics around.. will post it up when i found it...

anyway.. went modesto today, didn't expect the interior to be so darn classy. i tot it's jus another cafe like setting.. who knows.. i got a lil shock, its way off my expectation!! darn nice!! nice place to chill nice place to go with ur close ones.. all in all.. NICE PLACE!!!

getting more and more frustrated with work... sigh...

well.. someone, i don't know... but, showed me his tots through the body language... so i tot, "so that's really the end of the chpt?"

nah.. ppl come and go... take it easy mel... forget it...

honestly, deep in my heart, i wished to hold on.. but i dunnoe if its a wise choice.. but today seems to hint me that i should

all these things doesn't happen overnight. it all accumulate since years ago... both are at faults. i won't blame it to certain things, cos that will be v childish of me.

trying to take it as cool as possible.. why is sadness getting into me now?! what should be in my memories are the good times i had.. not these... can i cry out? be the normal melinda?

that's so much so for not treasuring...

p/s show ur concern for ppl... don't wait till its gone.. then u start crying over it.. no point... i've lost my own battle no one knows how to save it... and i don't know how to..

to you: all the best to u. =)

2006-10-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

bleah... since sunday, i haven't been slping early.. sigh... work is still BORING.. well dunnoe la... no comments... ekeke

anyway... i went hardrock today!! weeeee *screams* alright.. hardrock is really where my memories are.. today is a great gathering... i wish i could have that more often.. nvm.. i look forward to next april... then will get such gatherings again.. we parked our ass there for like... 4 hours? that was a laugh-non-stop 4 hours... keee i totally love it there.. memories all fly back.. kekeke.. a thousand miles is being sang there again today.. wee.. that place.. with that song.. tsk!! oh.. and we had a super early bdae celebration for one of my cousin who's going back to perth tml... her bdae is like.. on 1st nov? tsk tsk..

melinda is up to her bdae nonsense again la.. this time, her bdae is diff from the one that we had for my friend in feb... hers was much more fun.. with her getting kisses from others.. tsk tsk.. and she's a super shy gal.. kekekekek!!!

more of this pls!! MORE!!

2006-10-02T23:04:00.000+08:00

-Who can make or rather, who made you feel that way?-

sigh... one month already.. and i'm still rotting in the office.. i'm really hating the kind of life that i'm leading in the office.. ppl say is happy money.. sit there do nothing then get paid.. HELLO?! i'm not a person who's entirely stupid or dumb or useless what.. sigh... BAH!!! jus that.. it had been ONE MONTH... and i'm counting...

listening to amazing grace.. reminds me of my deceased aunt... felt kinda sad.. tml i'm gonna be having dinner with her kids before one of them go back for studies... back to perth... tml gonna go HRC again.. memories... haaa... memories are a part of me.. in HRC, holds all my wonderful memories... that will be my 3rd trip of the yr liao.. keke.. oh man! i jus realised.. i went there on the 03/02, 03/03 and tml is 03/10!!! hmmm... ok.. nothing exciting about it... i know.. can they bring me back to those dates? and one more that's 2 yrs ago.

i lost many part of me.. i feel that i'm happier now.. but when time comes.. i know i won't be happy.. this is definitely not what i wan.. i know what i wan.. but then again, will i get it? i dunnoe.. things doesn't look nice or favourable to me.. maybe i'm too sensitive again...

but definitely, i'm losing it.. i dunnoe how to save it... and i ddin't make an effort to.. bcos i dunnoe it will help or make worse.. perhaps, worse. like i say, i felt that i'm a cursed woman.. ppl around me, won't be anygood or get any good.. i'll only harm them...

2006-10-01T23:00:00.000+08:00

-Yawn-

jus finished 2 days of NATAS travel fair.. not a really good fair this time round.. perhaps... Malaysia Travel Fair is better.. busier... guess ppl paid 3 bucks to book something better and nicer than jus m'sia? where they can get it easily?

didn't do sales this time round.. was at the coach side... well well... it over.. kekekek 12 hours passed quickly everyday..

"smart" melinda v smart.. for 2 days, her dad drove her to EXPO, for 2 days she took a cab back home.. why? becos she didn't realise that she had forgotten to bring out her Ez-link card only on the 2nd day... SIGH... nvm la.. get to come home earlier.. and rest early...

i jus notice that someone's moodswings and temper is getting worse.. and worse than mine... like BOMB

anyway... i dunnoe leh.. i feel like a jinx, and tha ti've been cursed or something... why ain't things around be great ah? things seems to fail.. since pri like that.. been to the worse class, each time teacher have to tell us that we are the topic of the staff room and such.. siansz one lah! and now.. everything seems to be my fault.. ppl may say the believe me.. but what they let me felt is that i'm totally wrong, their mouth said so, but what did their heart says otherwise...

2006-09-30T00:07:00.000+08:00

pessimism came into me suddenly.... i shouldn't regret.. i made my choice... why am i think way?? letting it off.. and seeing it go.. is always like that.. i wanted to cry.. but my tears won't drop...

can all these not change? can we not leave? can we still hold on?
nah.. u found ur joy... while.. i at times have some joy.. but.. is all the joy i felt, real? am i really happy?

alright.. those are ytr pics... some are super ugly.. cos i'm super ugly.. hahaha ok la.. i think that some are nice.. considered the fact that i was having a bad hair day...bleah

on monday.... over a pic.. i had a super pervertic joke with danny.. well well.. it still kinda rings in my head...

weekend will be hectic for me.. gonna be working at NATAS...

weekends will be.. OUT OUT OUT =x monday out, tues gathering, wed.. REST, thurs band.. fri sectionals.. sat and sun i dunnoe.. kekeke =x

that will be next week.. gonna be meeting a cousin before she's heading back to perth.. now.. i'm considerating holidaying to either chiangmai or perth next yr.. if i go chiang mai.. that will be my third time going to thai.. a lil dumb lo. i seem to be travelling every yr.. but it's like.. only btw 3 countries? HK (2X), thai (2X), m'sia (countless).. or darwin? or maybe to a resort la.. jus wanna take some time off..

been getting a lil weird lately too... been skipping this and that meal.. ROAR... ok.. talking nonsense le.. i'm a lil stress and unwell.. maybe pregnant.. cos always wanna puke. tsk =x alright.. see ya soon!

2006-09-25T23:46:00.000+08:00

WHY IS EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE LEAVING ME?!

Why don't i leave this world instead.. its jus not a place for me...

tons and tons of mistunderstanding... one after another...

i wan that.. i really want that.. but i can't have..

i leave it to God's will...

its not gonna be the same... it'll never be the same...

is trust still there? is believe still there? is the friendship still there? don't bother to address it.. i wanted to know.. but i won't confront anymore... it won't make a diff.. to me.. its the world.. to him or other ppl.. its jus an ant...

The impt of everyone.. cos they deserve it.. i don't...

don't worry.. without melinda.. the world will be a much better place yea...

i asked myself.. what is this? do i really mean what i think and say?

nah... i don't wanna repeat myself anymore.. maybe i'm jus a liar yeah... others better.. i'm convinced by that...

i don't wanna wsay anymore... i don't wish to say goodbye...

i wish to cry my lungs out..

maybe this is life.. the MELINDA life... i really feel like standing in the mid of the road.. and let a car whack.. but don't worry.. i need no sympathy of urs... u can walk away...

at night.. when i was lying on my bed, talking to GOd, i asked him, will u be taking me with u when i sleep? whn will u be taking me?

i'm not a likable child.. becos i've got a fucked up attitude.. that even my parents dislike me.. who likes me?! nuts.. that person must be nuts...

if i die.. no need funeral le... jus straight burn.. don't waste money... no one will bother to see.. nor will they wanna come..

i'm not kind and understanding.. not pretty and cheerful.. not open hearted enough.. not fair enough..

i blame it upon myself

2006-09-24T22:48:00.000+08:00

that's what's called life..

sigh... i'm a lil emo today man.. =(
things seemed so so so so diff... and i realised why at the end of the day...

=) what's meant to be yours.. will be yours.. i won't be fighting... a lil no point rite? jus let God's will work.. what he deemed good... be it... i live to serve.. not be served. even if he wanna take away my most impt thing (currently) be it too... i won't fight already... do'nt worry...

i feel like a jinx.. where i go.. seems not to be doing good...
well... nothing i will wanna add.. its a life that i've got to take it.. even if i'm really the jinx...

goodbye to things that left me.. or is leaving me...

anyway.. gonna be taking over some things from my friend tml.. how sweet of my friend to get it over to singapore jus for me... =) thanks...

memories will be a part of me.. nothing much that we have gone through.. not much good memories.. but that will be those that i keep in my heart...

i still miss u...

my vienna boys...!!

2006-09-23T18:50:00.000+08:00

mental state: exhausted, sleepy
physical state: listless, exhausted
feelings: sad, sleepy, grumpy

i feel as if i jus came back from a holiday, but the fact is, no. been beside my family members the past few days to cheer them on... resulting in a melinda, who is hardly home for the past few days.. it's good enough to see me at home for 6 hours (slping) the past few days... my lifestyle is jus.. wake up, work, go funeral, back, slp.. but the time i come back.. it's normally 1am??

nonetheless, that's the least i could do for my deceased aunt. met super lots of relatives... and they will jus go "u are whose child?". big big family, they tried listing out the family tree... we have at least 130 relatives.. but sad to say, all these happened too sudden, not all are informed.

these few days... i've been thinking alot again... on my family, about life, about so many things...

during the funeral mass today, while my cousin is giving a speech on his mom.. he brought ou beautiful points... one of which...

"life is jus like a concert, a musical, a punk rock concert. who would go home and cry and mourn about it? who would go home and feel sad? i normally go home telling myself how lucky i was, to be able to attend such a good concert."

he was tryingt o imply that its the same for life... everyone's life is like a concert, at the end of the concert, be glad that u went for that concert, u met this person... at the end of it... rejoice that u had been there... rejoice for that person as well that they had gone to a place where there is no more sorrows... he added that seeing his mom.. is like... listening to the last movement of the symphony... he kinda "scolded" us... (but actually trying lighten up the mood) and said "so, why are you all so disobedient to my mom's wishes (cos most r crying)"

he actually done reseach on what's after life.. and went through the stories of those who live to talk about their near-death story... thus, able to prepare himself so such... these few days.. i only see smiles on his face...

sigh... about this few days event.. it is super long.. it will forever be in my heart...

the smile of my aunt.. the glory of hers... the memories of my extended family, will always be in my mind...

you will be missed.. i am already missing you..

2006-09-20T23:44:00.000+08:00

ppl come and go in everyone's life... we are on the earth... to find the way back to God... some ppl made it.. some ppl din't...

in a single day... i learnt about 2 person's death... they are not strangers in my life.. they do'nt jus come and go... they contributed to my childhood...

1) my aunt, Elizabeth Rose Berry... like her name suggested, not a chinese, she never got to know who's her dad... when i was young... out families would gather.. we would go to her house almost everyweek swim, play, talk... whtever there is... till one by one all grew up...

she migrated to aussie when she learnt of her cancer... the battle carried on for 3 yrs... then she came back to singapore...

her death was a sudden one... i was shock... looking at her pics.. looking at her.. the images of my time at her place all came back to my mind... i miss my childhood... i miss those days when we go her house and had fun... she's a person whom i never fail to see, her smile.. her smile.. shows u her gracious-ness.. when till this day.. this moment.. she still look as good as ever...

the only pity thing was that her child is not at her deathbed... they were in the air.. flying back to singapore.. when their mom passed on... seeing all these scene.. made me feel like tearing more... thank god their dad is a pilot.. they get to catch the flight back.. one of them almost can't make it...

then, at that moment, i was telling myself "can one of the NPCB ppl forgo their flight seat on sat.. and let them come back first?" nothing matters more to see the last of her...

2) my mom's old neighbour mom... whom i called.. po po (granny). i used to run to her house when i was young too.. cos she stayed near me... ever since we grow up... i shifted, i stopped visiting, or rather.. RARELY...

i've not seen her for years... i can still remember how she looks like.. like those kinda tv show's hong tuo jing.. or rather.. she used to be one.. with my maternal granny... even when i didn't go other.. she would ask my mom about me.. well.. days ago.. i heard about her from my mom.. still clear headed.. but.. God's calling is unexpected.. she left...

they left.. to be at God's side.. they are not defeated by cancer.. but brought to a better place where they have been searching for.. their misery on earth ended..

funeral is yet another occasion to bring families together... i've met up with uncles and aunties whom i've not seen for... 11years...

one by one... is leaving... life is so fragile... jus have to expect it..

i am jus trying to be strong.. many times of the day.. i feel like crying.. who can i tell all these to?

2006-09-19T22:06:00.000+08:00

been thinking lots lately, what's best.. what's not...

glad to say.. i guess... i can't really recall the... not-so-nice-things... that happens... that doesn't mean.. that things ain't impt to me anymore... a chapter may come to a close.. and another starts... that's life...

i've been clear of what i'm thinking.. my stand doesn't change... jus that... perhaps.. jus let it be this way.. i don't wan him to be unhappy either... we are ppl of diff worlds yea.. should be glad that we've come so far alr... what i should keep are the memories... though there are not much.. but some memories.. are jus not to be forgotten... perhaps.. he forgottten.. but.. it still remains as sweet to me as how it was a few yrs back... it still brings a smile to my face...

like i've said.. i can't make u smile, i can't make u happy.. i can't take away ur sorrows.. but sadly, i only add into the sorrows and trouble u have. i see the joy ppl bring into ur life... maybe perhaps.. that's what u deemed to be the "real" melinda.. the melinda with that tail... well.. i always tot u'd know me better.. but... nahz...

life moves on.. i like treasure everything yea... i nv give up on anything though i may feel otherwise.. those are what i put across.. not how i felt... choose to believe or not... entirely up to you... i've left with no more words

this post.. applies to all.. not only the one... =)

anyway.. its not meant to be a pessimistic post.. i'm in a cheerful feeling...

=) tired though.. slpt for only 3 hours last night..

2006-09-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

-screams-
i jus broke my nail... and i jus painted them today...
*bimbo*

yups yups.. i went for a short "holiday" to m'sia.. hahahahz no laa.. main purpose is to visit granny lah.. but i only spend some time at home (in m'sia) then off to else where... been on the road.. each time i get into the car and travel for sure.. there will be some ambulance around... and this reminds me of the situation in singapore when singaporean drivers encounter ambulanc.e.. so far.. i've YET to see any nice drive who will really try to let the ambulance pass... but in m'sia.. though u can say that they are dangerous driver... trouble maker.. whatsoever.. to me.. it was kinda pleasant so far... but there is one thing in them that i don't see in singapore. when they heard the ambulance's siren.. they will look out for where the ambulance will be heading.. and for that min. u can jus see all the cars all squeeze themselves to the side.. jus to let the ambulance cross. i mean... sorry, but i don't see that in singapore.. its HARDly.. not becoz there are not ambulance crossing my path k... i was in the path of 3 ambulance jus now... different place, different time. the last encounter was at the custom, sunday, expected, jam... sandwiched by all the singapore cars... and there i hear.. and saw the ambulance from the rear mirror.. all i can see.. are m'sia car trying to move, what are the singapore cars doing?!! stationery when there are lots of place to move... are we really THAT selfish?! its a life that we are talking about... i know it doesn't concern u laa.. but at least.. give them a chance to survive...

my insecurities are getting a lil worse... sigh

i think tv nowadays are a lil misleading.. or are they not? i was watching an advert, then it says, "what is a r/s?".. one of the replies is "silent separation"... true in a certain sense if u are going through.. but... it will.. make ppl think the wrong things too..

2006-09-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

nice weather to slp.. am super tired.. wasted half of my day rotting when i can be doing my report... 11pm seems like 1am to me now...

i came across this webby.. and came across something.. something that i see... i puzzled
if what i see is a lie.. then.. ok lah
if what i see is a truth.. then.. i'll be a lil sad...

will be going back to m'sia tml.. gonna visit granny..

changing one's perception is easy.. i dunnoe how to go and solve misunderstandings now.. i jus let them go on and on.. sigh.. =) nvm la.. i also dunnoe what to do..

well.. i guess he must be v happy.. what he can't get... he doesn't wan me to have it too...

i also dunnoe... a part of me seems lost... of all things... the thing i cared for the most...

perhaps... other ppl are really better friends than me.. i'm lousy.. goodfriends are always easy to find for anyone.. ecp for me...

my insecurities...

2006-09-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

Happiness is what i felt this morning..

Fear and some disappointment is what i felt during the mid morning...

Gladness is what i felt towards the end of the morning...

surprise call is what i had during lunch...

boredom is what i had for the whole day...

sadness came in while all those happens....

excitement came in too...

not forgetting... confusion...

i'm so disoriented...

there are a no. of things that are inconvenient to put it up on the blog.. i've decided to give it some time... i'm unsure of what the ending would be.. but i hope it won't be nasty... each time i'm a lil hopeful.. things crash.. jus like how my morning crashed today...

well.. i told myself.. time to move on.. u can't get stuck with the same thing... why am i being so unfair to myself at times? there are so much more outside... but.. i stood here waiting... but u nv come...

i'm being a.. not-so-nice grand daughter... my granny jus had an opt.. and i've got so much things to do that i can't be back.. no wonder they also don't like me.. and bitch about me being sticky to my mom...

actually.. can't blame anyone laa... i'm a gal who doesn't have manners.. a gal.. who's full of trouble.am not likable... like.. duh.. my mom always say i'm ill mannered.. maybe i am.. my mom said my dad don't like me most... perhaps.. becos of band and studies.. i jus miss out on family stuff...

jus.. a.. nobody's child.. anyone wanna adopt a 19 yrs old?! ( i guess they don't even wan a person like me) oopsy
=x

hmm.. my results?? surprisingly, a lil above expectation... GPA of 3.3750

CORPORATE FINANCE & ADVISORY SERVICES -> B+
INSIGHT INTO THE TOURISM INDUSTRY - > B+
INVESTMENTS -> A
MARKETING OF FINANCIAL SERVICES -> B
PRACTICE & LAW OF BANKING -> B
TREASURY -> B+
WORLD ISSUES: A SINGAPORE PERSPECTIVE -> B

am i looking forward to Uni? half yes.. half no... i dunnoe how i can handle the stress... i dunnoe how life would be.. perhaps.. more ppl dislike me.

*God, send someone down... to take my hand.. to anywhere.. even if You want me to be with You, i will go. Fill me with the strength and the appropriate mindset..

2006-09-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

tears flow...

and flow...

flow...

flow...

when are they gonna stop... no where.. i close my eyes.. close my ears.. give me a day.. free of work.. free of band.. free of everything...

i seem to be the cause of everything... the cause of how things happen.. but seldom the cause of something happy...

poor friends of mine.. no wonder i've got no friend.. serve myself right.. (go ahead and laugh)

more tears are going to flow tml.. hurray to me... i dunnoe what to say or feel.. my day is jus slipping me past day by day...

what i've planned for.. maybe won't need to be used... i can buy the bag i wan now..

i dunnoe what i'm talking...

suddenly.. the feeling of losing.. is so so so scary... was dragged up of bed to hear some bad news last night.. went to work with some things i don't wish to hear... and melinda is being unreasonable again.. (since when has she been reasonable?) perhaps.. nv in this life.. ppl also had enough of melinda...

likie i say.. fear of losing is there.. but its inevitable... lose what? a friend.. and granny...

nothing major for granny.. but lets hope. everything will be fine... not close with her.. but still.. dearest...

oh.. even my granny doesn't like me..

i'm jus a unlikable child...

nobody's child

2006-09-13T22:17:00.000+08:00

i agree that when one starts working... they gets distance-d from their social circle...

my social circle is already so small alr.. it gets smaller.. and smaller.. and yet.. i'm not holding on to it.. BAH

i dunnoe.. i guess i'm losing quite a no. of things.. here comes my paranoid-ial!!!!

hmmm... tired..

now i know why all these happen.. why all my social circle gets so fuckingly small.. it's becoz of me.. and myself.. it's all.. MELINDA.. now.. i get disappear.. are u gonna be happy?! i guess all is happy...

to brian: u will have less trouble.. u'll be much happier... maybe this way works.. i get so fuckingly sick it.. it's me.. and this i know.. no need to tell me it's not.. thanks.. things had became so obvious... need it be eleborate?

to whoever who spy: u will be happier now..

to myself: FORGET ABOUT IT!!

2006-09-12T22:28:00.000+08:00

i'm falling deeper and deeper... wooo.. i'm mad...

but i'm really falling deeper.. which is no good sign woh.. =(

been tired... work is STILL boring...

gonna be doing something stupid.. but thinking of it.. makes me a lil happy... to think that the other is happy... lalallaa

i've started to draw shopping list for X'mas... and my wishlist...

but no point.. how many will actually buy me X'mas present.

as age is catching up... things get more and more "affordable" to us... thinking of what presents to buy for bdae or Xmas is.. TOUGH!!! like.. i dunnoe what to buy le...

went shopping today.. but.. nth to buy.. always liek that.. when i have the ability to buy.. ntohing to buy.. when i've got nothing to buy.. alot of things need to be bought.. kekekek...

am talking to sis while typing this post... i settled my dad's Xmas present alr!! tsk tsk.. i only left with my sis'.

2006-09-10T18:36:00.000+08:00

i dunnoe how to describe this whole day... empty? bored.. moody? none... bleah...

i jus came home from ikea.. nothing to buy there... sianz.. not inspired to do anything... i wanna buy ribbons.. but raining cats and dogs... how to go?! sianz laaa

i dislike being a female... i alr know what to wear tml le.. then suddenly.. sigh.. stupid ass.. gal's biggest hindrance came... good lo.. have to rethink now...

i'm a lil bored now.. not knowing how to spend the rest of my day... tiredddddddddddddddd

2006-09-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

liky me msn nick suggest...

i wanna disappear from face of this earth

no kids about it.. i'm so tired from it.. where's the joy of this life? perhaps.. there's nv be joy in my life... i could think of all those smiles and laughter.. had they became a dream? are they all fake?? more tears flowed this weekend.. i'm jus as tired... yar.. like always.. i'm always wrong.. i don't wanna listen.. if it makes u happy.. i'll leave... u don't have to say anything... i don't wanna be strong anymore... i'm not in the first place...

don't stand by me... u can go away... i don't deserve it.. other ppl deserve it... u must have regretted ur decision... i know.... u'll nv expect things to be like that rite? guessed as much too. when he force u to choose ur path.. whenever things come to this for me... i can't help.. but to compare me with him... am i as evil as him?? perhaps i am.

i'm all prepared for u to go away... it's my loss.. not urs.. it'll nv be ur loss... u can find replacement as simple as looking for macdonald in anywhere...

i've nv be a better gal... now i see why...

i really wish i'm gone.. its painful...

2006-09-08T22:19:00.000+08:00

WHAT'S WRONG WITH GUYS or perhaps.. a handful of guys i know...

1) i seems to only attrach/ know guys of.. ONE age group
2) Guys around me... (not all) are attention seeker... making gals look like sugar mummies...
3) They are freakingly petty (worse than gals) but yet gals are petty
4) EGO!!!!! talking about this topic.. it's irritating lah!!! freak! keep ur EGOs... gals also have PRIDES can?!
5) and they are a BIG TIME show off-er!! whatever u have.. cars.. extra house... money.. keep it to urself.. don't tell me about it.. i'm not the least interested..
6) and.. they are not for serious game
7) Unappreciative (BIG TIME!!)

why are ppl around me weird.. which part of me send out the wrong signal ah? jus like this friend of mine... used to be close laa... but it's irritating. keep saying i'm sensitive.. perhaps.. i admit, to a certain extent.. but he's worse off lah!! gt gf gt gf laa... need to hide de meh... don't need to beat around the bush.. then flare up when u know it.. i mean.. hello? as a friend... i cannot know meh.. if i have bf.. i will also tell my friend what.. so... karma for him.. i told him don't be so sensitive.. and now.. dunnoe who's the petty one... let me tell u.. he's a hell lucky guy.. at least i didn't give him hell! he's not grateful... not appreciative.. even brian calls him an IDIOT.. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Gals.. any guys who are that secretive... don't be like me so stupid hor... but i've learnt to be.. a tiny winny smartie le.... (like finally?)

work was... BORING... there is NOTHING to do.. kekek.. but well.. its only first week.. next week i've got more things to run i guess.. will spend most of my week next week to prepare for the "BIG" thing for the coming thurs.. which.. is deemed.. v impt.. one mistake.. = bye bye kinda thing?

another thing is giving me headach... i can't see a need for such rude ppl... who do not have a sense of politeness.. like most of the guys... he/she do things for a motive... what he/she done.. is kinda demoralising for ppl..which is has almost succeeded doing it la.. too bad.. I WON'T FALL FOR UR TRAP!! wait long hor... bleah!!! well.. i believe in karma...

2006-09-03T20:44:00.000+08:00

there is alot of things that is in my mind.. and yes.. i know what i'm thinking, i know what i want.. but... i know for the fact that, nope, it'll never be mind.. even if i wanna fight for it.. it will also never be mind.. got reason de la... jus inconvenient to state it out here.. =) but i still carry that lil glimpse of hope in me.. like what i had in my... long-ago post..

attachment gonna start tml.. hopefully.. i'm not going to rot my way through.. i don't like the feeling of rotting.. BLEAH!!!

i'm gonna miss so much things.. i mean.. not that kua zhang de.. but for 6 months.. definitely there will be something that u are going to miss out de ba.. =)

wish me luck k?? for this attachment.. my expectation is.. NO MISTAKES... =p

2006-09-02T22:45:00.000+08:00

i was reading a mag... and i came across this line that one of the celeb said

"being romantic is never about big gestures but rather, it's about things that aren't quite tangible. little things like looking out for you when you cross the road or making sure you've eaten. it usually happens when you least expect it and when it does happen, you'd go... 'awww'"

well well well.. TOTALLY agree... something.. not all learn, they tot being caring.. or someone is romantic.. by doing big big stuff that's tangible... no need... a sudden hug, jus some nice words... some unexpected things.. are good enough.. u need not go to the extent of booking a table for 2, having candlelight dinner (seldom ppl know how to do it.. not ppl of my age that is) buying her things.. blar.. not all works this way...

i dunnoe what is wrong with me.. several things.. i jus wish it happens.. time seems to be running out...

stress is gonna come.. results are gonna get released soon.. am i gonna fail?

Rondeau's gonna come... + attachment... clash clash... sigh...

there's alot of things in my mind... alot... i don't wish for alot of things to happen...

2006-09-02T09:23:00.000+08:00

ytr was a... DAY!! supposed to meet a friend.. but didn't... (sigh.. what a start) but nvm.. managed to be at home.. doing stupid things.. =x but it ended great!! that i reach home at ... about.. 1.45am... so tired that i K.O over 10 mins of internet....

went for the opening of Singapore Biennale.. not as fantastic as i thought it would be.. i guess the exhibit would be more spectacular than ytr's opening, or perhaps, that's the part of "art" that i don't understand... =) wei wei... nonetheless.. yes, i went

noon, was out with a friend... chilling my whole afternoon off... -wheeee- i like that... =p today... i'm heading for airport!!! be it popeyes or fish and co.. i'm gonna go there!! lalalalalalallaa am i out of my mind?! perhaps... =p

attachment gonna start... attachment's gonna start!!! =( but i haven't learn pivot table... BAH!! kee... i can't wait for it.. but of course.. the first one week would be boring i guess... what to expect.. i'm gonna be an intern.. even if i'm not an intern.. i guess, it'd be boring for most of the ppl on the first day of work.. this is unlike days working in regent star, first day already face all the stress, already had work to do.. bleah..

2006-08-31T23:54:00.000+08:00

i'm unhappy again...

things i may heard.. things i may seen.. hurts me (a lil lah.. not that drama) in one way or another.. i think i'm not good enough again.. nv good enough..

i wish i had those things i heard... i tell myself... so long the other is happy... doesn't matter... but at times.. i wish i had them... but i know.. i'd nv have them.....

i haven't cry for so long.. (though only like.. 2 weeks laa) over things.. but not studies laa...

my friend says... my happiness shouldn't be dependent on one person.. i should forget about it and walk on... perhaps...

*i've nv seen u so enthu with things pertaining somethings..*

-leave me alone-

2006-08-26T16:32:00.000+08:00

WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN?!!!

at times... or rather, most of the time, i'm jus this.. impatient... i also don't get why... i'm jus impatient... i wan i wan i wan!!!! don't ask me what i wan.. i know.. but won't say it here... faintssssssss

can one week pass faster?? what's there for me??? give me homework can?!

i wanna my confident and comfortable in my own skin.. but why can't i? or is it becoz i'm in a society that is jus... narrow?

i don't like the way i am... and not confident in how i look....

2006-08-26T13:39:00.000+08:00

sat noon... rotting at home... oh.. how i LURVE it... love it to bits man... boo hoo hooo... freaking broke since the thailand trip.. sigh.. gotta adopt to the broke life again woh...

*any sponsorships?* tsk!!

sighs... i'm bored to death.. tv programme on sat is also so boring.. isn't there anything nice and fun?!! goodness.. faints... -roar-

2006-08-25T19:18:00.000+08:00

-ROAR- sianie... exams are over.. i don't like the effect of after exam.... during exam, you work like siao.. after exam, you slack like mad... man.. what am i to do?!

sigh.. one week to attachment... gonna be back working part time this week end... sigh..

i'm speechless.. before blogging.. there's alot of things i wanna say.. when i started... i dunnoe what to say... sigh..

i'm really tired... exhausted.. didn't had a goodnight's slp...

SIGH