ytr.. i went to change my specs lens.. then i wore my old specs loh.. kinda irritating lah.. my degree had gone up to 125(L) and 450(R), but the specs i'm wearing is 75(L) and 350(R).. those who had experience it will know how i felt. i've got the doubt ytr if i should buy contact lens.. so i asked my bro, even before i finish telling my bro the whole "story" he replied, "go and buy contact lens lah" haha.. so after i considered the whole night, i went to buy contact lens today before i went for "work". lets not talk about "work".

hee.. after work, i went to watch movie with bella and wendy.. SIGH!! BOTH ARE LATE!!! do'nt they know how to be on time? irritating lah.. then we watched ms conge... hehe.. nice nice... but the story got not much diff from the first one.. after the movie, we went to buy somethings then go home le.. tht's my day... MSN can't be signed in.. i'm irritated.. VERY irritated... wht am i going to do tml. i've got things to do, but i do not know wht and how to do. wht am i suppose to do???

i'm bored... i felt so meaningless... i can't i be a normal person? (here goes my pessimistic thoughts again) argh! tell me.. when will good things come upon me. when will miracle happen to me? i know, my life as a normal person is already defective, they are worse ppl out there. but y am i comparing with the better ones not those who are worse them me? y do i always have to hurl? jus becoz i can't achieve wht i want to? Y must i always be fated to befriend with those who are above average, whose expenditure are very very high? i wanna cry out to God.. WHY? but i think there are more ppl who needs God more than me, so i stepped back, i don't wanna cry out. i can feel and i'm aware of all evil work in me. but why can't they go?! why must they haunt me? who are true, who are not true? i wanna change, but tempted by my friends. i wanna love, but protecting myself from being hurt. even my mother look down on me. she keep saying i'm fat fat fat. I'M YOUR DAUGTHER!! u think i like? i ate less than most ppl, junk food all seldom eat. and this is wht i became.. my fault? y must u look down on me. since u don't like the sight of me.. throw me away! since u don't like and can't accept the fact that ur daughter is fat.. DISOWN her! tears are rolling down my cheeks as i wrote this... it hurts SO SO SO much... i know, they are now skinner, i'm still this fat?! so? y so proud? i don't like it! i really do'nt like it. throw me away lah! y keep me. since i'm so fat and useless. who stands with me now? only God.. i know. but honestly. i need a physical wall to hang on to.

Friends who are reading will say i'm uttering nonsense again. whtever they think. send me into IMH.. i HAD enough. no one likes me. i'm a pest. even those who says tht i'm not a pest in the past, says i'm a pest now... good job melinda...