had been a week.... busy week... work is ok... stress lvl is getting higher... lacking of sleep for the whole week (but manage to catch some slp on sat.. which was super duper nice)

but i still have this qns.. why is there unhappiness whenever i am around... all these unhappiness made me wanna giveup... my will is no longer strong now... small unhappiness... i jus wanna give up...

i'm still searching for my ans "what's life?"

other than that, i had many great times last week, dinner with section, manicure, dinner with pri sch friends, and cousin staying over... ikea shopping...shopping for xmas tree ornaments...

xmas supposed to be a joyous occasion.. where has the joy go to? i try to make things nice.. but it would never be nice.. why can't it be nice??

thinking about it.. there's nth to be excited about.. not has if i've got lots of parties to attend, lots of present to take... its headach period.. headach how i should spend the lonely xmas... headach on what to buy who...

when will i start loving myself... money coming out from my wallet to others are so easy... $50? $100.. doesn't seems to be a thing.. but how come when i wanted to buy things for myself that 50, that's 100 i nv once bear to take it out of my pocket?

hmmm...