another day had past... wakie at 10... studied CIP for an hour... then played piano... well, actually make full use of time.. in the end... didn't really get much into my head.. left home at 2.45 for stats test... well... it didn't so smoothly... everything was like hell! everyone studied like hell! except for me... well.. what can i say rite? i'm always the idiot who doin't studies.. (start to wonder how did i get my place in BFS in the first place) i understood nothiong of the stats paper... all my calculations don't telly... grrr.. so.. do i have a chance of passing? well.. i tell you.. i'l be the one who fail in my class.. what a big joke! it's an open book test and i can fail! goodness! whtever... i better give up on studies.. i ain't good in anything. when i say ntohing.. i really mean nothing.. oh well.. who can tell me what am i good at?!

enough is enough... i don't know what the rest of my 2 days will be. the more i think about my test.. the more i feel like crying.. well.. i'm telling myself, 'melinda... forget it.. forget about all your Uni dreams' i dunnoe how to face myself... i felt so ashamed! when i came back home.. i started with my CIP (stil at chpt one.. not easy leh!) then study MIEC... still got somethings to catch up... i think most likely i can forget everything.... then watched TV

argh! i feel like killing and smacking myself! whtever... i don't understand.. just don't understand.. what am i doing? tell me... no one had told me about what i did.. is it because they don't dare.. or i'm hopeless.. guess that's the case... is this the end of Melinda? argh! i'm back to my depression state i guess.... it's not very nice. and not very cool! it's torturing.. i'm feeling something i don't wish to feel... i don't know how to sort my feelings... i can't face failure... enough... i don't wanna fall... at times.. i think that heaven is playing tricks on me. one thing happen after another thing... i feel like shouting back, 'enough already?!' but i know that i will get a certain punishment if i do that. *letting out a BIG BIG sigh* What is expected of me.. i don't like to wonder aimlessly!