back from band camp a few mins ago... it started from friday.. but i only went ytr due to work... but... work sucks ytr... i was scolded for no reason by my senior manager.... jus becoz of somehting i didn't do? DIAO... sigh... then.. off work late coz super busy.. and went for band late... band camp was ok... nothing much about it.

but this was in my mind during full band at convention today.. wht am i good in? i feel like a total failure lah... i can't do anything properly.. i'm not particularly good in something... not specialised in an area.. i know that too much specialisation is not good lah.. but then not when u know how to do a no. of things but yet.. a master in none. not organ.. not studies... not clarinet... wht's wrong... i'm disappointed in my process of music making. after yrs with one instrument... and yet... i don't think i have any chemistry with it. sight reading sucks.. intonation sucks... fingers are laggy. can i give up? the ans is no... through this band camp i also realised a no. of things... should i really carry on in music making? am i suppose to be in this line? i maybe mad... but giving it up will be the last thing i would ever do.. but it hurts me so much to see myself like this.. i dunnoe wht's wrong or rite... anyone could simply say that i can always employ a teacher... but there are some barriers obstructing me.

i'm lost in this road of life... can someone pls guide me?