i'm back online.. after church.. hahah caught up with quite a no. of friends in church today.. haha! but there's one person.. whom i wanna talk to and i didn't.. and she is.. my god ma.. sigh.. i think it's the biggest mistake of my life.. in this course of like 18 yrs? i didn't know wht i did right... it seemed that things i've chose.. are kinda.. not correct... well... i'm not being pessimitic lah.. don't worry.. haha! jus a comment.. alright.. this biggest mistake... i think... ppl who reads my blog only sarah and brian knows ba.. it's about my confirmation God mother... well.. she was... a... or rather.. my sec sch teacher.. whom in fact became a friend of mine.. then Godma.. don't ask me y i'm friends with teacher lah! i don't mix well with students but teachers.. so ppl always say i'm bootlicking... lalalla! k.. so... i selected her to be my god ma.. that was in.. may 2003? yup... before "engaging" her as my god ma... i actually asked myself if i'm making the right decision... so.. alot of evaluating thingy loh.. i did tell her my concern.. and got her assurance... yup.. so i went on with my decision.. till. after i took my O level results... then we seldom talk alr... even if we see each other online... and the next time i saw her was during may 2004.. during my bdae... where we went to the rice table and one fullerton for dinner... till then... we hardly talk till now... thus.. each time i go back to st. mary's... i was hoping to see her... but.. each time.. i see her mom and her bro rather than her... i prayed... seriously... i didn't wanna give up this relationship.. it took me quite a long time to put this down... till now.. though i've alr let it be a past of me.. i wish to see her again.. or at least.. can we like... catch up? she had broken her assurance to me. once again.. wht am i to her? i love it when in the past.. whenever she sees ppl.. she will proclaim that i am her god daughter.. and the whole world will know.. even to her husband... Bah. yup.. and so.. today.. once again... i prayed... pray that i will see her again... and i did! i saw her.. right infron of me.. i was talking to bella. and her with her hubby... i wanna call her.. but something held me back.. and now.. i'm regretting.. to keep a relationship.. it's a 2 person's job.. not one... i have to play my part too. but y am i acting that y when i'm not feeling that way? but i'm not going to rant about it.. coz at least i'm satisfy to know that she's well and good... i sucks at relationships.. when will i get to talk to her again? have she forgotten about me? hello.. she's not nobody to me.. and excuse me.. i'm not a lesbian. i'm jus a gal who treasures...

the greatest gift in this world is to love.. and that's the only thing i have i guess.. is to love... but. it's to love with no strings attached... give.. and not asking anything for return...

2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; 5 it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; 10 but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. 13 So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13: 2-13