been super busy with projects lately.. needless to say.. they sucks.. but somehow or rather.. they allow us to learn something from it. i dunnoe.. but i've been stressed.. i dunnoe if what i'm doing is right.. becoz of the failures and disappointment.. i do not have much faith in what i'm doing.. i'm scared that i would drag down the whole group's score..

Finally.. i've finished reading my story book as well... the first storybook that had moved me greatly, it was about this gal, sheila, age 6... she abducted a 3 yr old neighbourhood guy, tied him to a tree in a nearby woodlot and burned him. she was being refused by her mom at the mid of the highway.. her dad doesn't love her.. saying that she's a bad child, that's why her mom wouldn't wan her. and so, that's what she tot about herself too. a gal, filled with anger and a heart of revenge changed to the better.. when suddenly..something happened to her... the following is an extract from the book:

"uncle jerry," she began softly, "he tried to put his pecker in me this morning. But it wouldn't fit. So he took a knife. He said i was keeping him out. so he put the knife inside me to make me stop." i went numb. "He out a knife in your vagina?" she nodded. "One of the silverware knives. He said i'd be sorry for not letting him put his pecker in me. He said this'd hurt a whole lot more and i'd be sorry"

my heart totally went out to her.. tears rolled down my cheeks as i continued reading.. she was only a 6 yrs old gal and such cruelty was done to her. "what has the world become" i tot to myself. couldn't one's sex drive be controlled? the fears of a 6 yr old child... having to face the fact that her mom left, with the impression that she's a crazy gal.. and yet.. her uncle raped her in such ways? i was dumbfolded... totally..

this week, i've made some decisions for myself.. for better... (i guess/hope) still carrying the same glimpse of hope like i've always carried.. i wish for certain things to happen.. hmmm...

having a toothach.. that wisdom tooth is not good... start aching le.. =(