had been doing projects on the HK trip and preparing myself for the trip! i'm simply.. lazy!! can't stand it. my luggage is half packed, then i dunnoe wht to put and bring... can't make a decision. argh!.. then worry about the luggage space.. will i have enough space for me to come back? blar blar... headach loh.. this trip is a HEADACH! other trips of mine also not this "troublesome" i'm gonna wear my court shoes there.. than change.. and wht's the 2nd pair of shoes i should bring? i think bring that BATA that shoes lah.. i wanna go there and buy shoes. i seriously think i do not have enough space to bring back all the things i will buy. no as if i'm going to buy alot lah.. but.. luggage already kinda full le.

i'm now SO SO SO tired.. ytr i slpt at 5am.. woke up at 10am. lack of slp = nonsensical melinda... ah.. i'm relactant to go out now.. but i've got to change money.... gonna change only 300 sing.. and bring about 80 sing ba... sigh.. do i always make the wrong choices? i think i made the wrong choice to go HK... quite a no. of things are troubling me now. the trip.. after the trip... and some other things. paranoid melinda... okay lah.. i'm going to prepare to go out le.. let me sort out wht i wanna say then come and blog.. hee...

Today, AES is having their SYF.. believe it or not.. i'm also as scare as them. i wonder y.. not as if i'm taking the SYF.. but i really hope for them to get something. even if they don't.. i know they worked hard... i mean.. who won't work hard for it ya?

Yesterday... woke up at 8.45am to go sch for the HK trip briefing...it's from 10am - 6pm.. the first half of it was kinda fun.. then second half.. it's a workshop... we are being tested!! which means.. being a G.pig!! they wanna promote that saving money workshop to ppl.. so they test it on us.. see how's it first.. i almost fell aslp.. haha... my friends even wanna slp during that! haha. but it's real boring loh.. after that i went to have dinner with the mission exp. ppl. had OA.. hmm not as nice as before le.. didn't really enjoy it le. hmm.. then we walked to cine to look for my wash bag... but still can't find! how irritating loh... then i gave up. left them at around 8.. to meet jas and qi at paragon... went to marks and spencers... do'nt worry.. i didn't buy cookies this time round... haha! then walk walk around.. blush got sales leh!! as well as wacoal.. hmm i think i wanna go and buy the blush's undie.. oops.. am i suppose to say that? haha yup.. then last stop is taka.. go eat mos.. coz jas haven't eat... both jas and qi saw a shoe at far east.. i wonder how they look like? i reached home at 10pm.. then looked for my blazer (mama gave them to me that time) then try try... but the time i finish all those trying.. it's 11pm... hehe.. and i slpt early.. i slpt at 1am.. was tired.. had headach the whole day ytr...

Today.. i didn't go to sch.. no well.. but still must drag myself to work later.. all becoz of the HK trip.. sigh.. i don't think mama will give me much money ba.. i guess she'll give jus enough for me to eat.. but not spend. well.. wht cna i buy? i actually had in mind wht to buy le. hehe. how this time i will pamper myself. last time i went, i only bought things for other ppl.. not myself.. hehe! alrighty.. i go and play piano and do my stuff le.. tata.

HOLIDAYS ARE BORING!!! let me review with u wht i've done for the past days

Wednesday: i've stayed at home the whole day, the night before slpt at 4am coz shawn needs my listening ear, woke up at 12pm, hungry, so decided not to be lazy and walked to plaza to buy makan. bought KFC back, one VCD , "mona lisa's smile' and bought 8days... this week it's my tuen to buy for sis in tioman. sianz. when i came back, i ate first, try to occupy my tme till i really got nothing to do then watch vcd. so, i switched on my tv and tune it to channel 5 while eating, they were showing this very yucky show. all about snakes. then i eat halfway then don't wanna eat le. after that, read mag... use com.. then finally watched the vcd.. it's a nice show i must say, though i don't quite understand it, i will definately watch it the second time to understand it. that's about it...

Thursday: woke up, did some things then went to meet mama at TPY to pick up my specs. after that, did nothing much.

Friday: went to teach tuition loh.. after that, come home, that's all... jus that bus was SO SO SO crowded that i've got to walk to another bus stop to take bus. my tuition kid ar.. the gal... sigh! ask her things.. no reaction, this time round, don't even want to shake nor nod her head! argh! whtever!

Saturday: haha.. i'm a good gal today.. i ironed all my clothes, vacuum the floor, mopped the floor.. house so clean! love it. not like my sis.. ask he rto fold the clothings.. she went out. always so irresponsible.. then still wanna complain i vacuum and mop. if i don't do that.. she will meh?! ass leh.. like queen.. i can't stand her.. well! but ytr we dind't quarel, i swollowed all that anger down into my stomach! jus plain... ANGRy... then after that.. around 4+pm le.. then i watch zhen qing.. then watch tv through my night... lay on my bed at 1am, but can't slp.. toss and turn till 3am..

Sunday: wakie at 6.45am.. i was DEAD tired... went to church... today, uncle robert gave the surmon.. kinda don't understand. only understood a few points. lucky i nv wear my Joann shirt... haha actually i wanna wear de... if i wear ar.. then i will be wearing almost the same as some one le.. haha! combined bible class today, uncle robert updated us about the payap christian zone. the had a small celebration for all april babies. then i actually do'nt wanna eat cake.. coz don't really like mah.. then shun wen took the cake to me, i rejected, then he dunnoe say wht... kinda force me to take lah.. something like.. " how can not take?" blar blar blar. so i ate.. the first mouth.. i jus puke it out.. the cream was so.. not nice.. then i jus threw up on a piece of tissue.. grace also do'nt really like it, same goes for a few others, then i have a few bits then threw away le. after that, went Mac.. makan... eat fillet-o-fish.. wah! the fish got fishy taste de.. dunnoe y today i eat de thing not nice! after that, suppose to go kev's place. but andris and grace wanna cut hair first... then go.. they ask me to go.. then i go with them loh... who knows... the cut took longer than wht we had expected. end up not going to kev's place. so.. my noon wasted. came home so late... now watching NKF... sigh... next week's gonna be a busy one. i hope can swallow all the sorrows these few days. bye peepz. for assumption band members.. all the best got your SYF!!

hmmm wht to blog today???

sunday... went church, after tht.. got AGM but i didn't stay for it. i went back home. before i reach home, i went to bukit timah shopping centre to get my conditional and my cross stitch strings, but then the shop was close, so only bought my conditional.. hehe... that day, i bought lunch from pasar malam, nasi lemak with chicken wings de... didn't eat nasi lemak for very long le. hee. then after tht my sister friend came.. tht's "discussion" was SOSO boring. it's only my sister making decision, she do'nt accept ppl's decision, so what's the point of discussion? it doubts me. then tht's the end of my day le...

on Monday, i woke up at 12.20pm!! haha.. it's raining mah.. nice to slp in. i'm suppose to meet brian at 1pm for lunch and to photo copy some of his stuff. he actually wanna make it later instead of 1pm. but i insist. but who knows, i'm late instead, so i got him to meet me at 1.30pm. but he's late... -all my friends like all late kings and queens hor, i should be like them le- so i went seiyu walk walk.. hee not bad leh. after they renovate, now got shiseido.. and quite a few stuff. *fast forward* we left lot 1 at 2.40pm like tht, i go town to meet sar while he go home and dunnoe do wht lah. but sar last min tell me her friends wanna go mustafa also, so i was find with it and met her at cityhall. this is the first time i met such a rude "ang moh"! and i HOPE to give him one tight slap! irritating.no wonder my sis always say ang moh is not as good as wht i think it is. after mustafa, went to watch the wedding date then came home. bought KFC on da way home.and again, tht's the end of my day.

Today, i've got to "work" so sickening! argh! no work no extra income.. sick leh. kinda regret going to the hong kong trip, new territorial is SO far from main island hong kong loh. need to waste money take cab and such. i dunnoe to pick up my specs today or tml. today like very tight schedule... tonight got nice TV to watch also. tml? tml i've got appointment with shiseido at 2pm, before that i need to accompany sar to go for medical check up. so sick leh! everyday go out... sianz.. i don't feel like going for make over tml. i jus wanna stay home. i'm an introvert after all!

Thurs i've got nothing on, friday i've got to "work" again! sigh.. just do it melinda! argh!! grrr.. how?! sigh!

ytr.. i went to change my specs lens.. then i wore my old specs loh.. kinda irritating lah.. my degree had gone up to 125(L) and 450(R), but the specs i'm wearing is 75(L) and 350(R).. those who had experience it will know how i felt. i've got the doubt ytr if i should buy contact lens.. so i asked my bro, even before i finish telling my bro the whole "story" he replied, "go and buy contact lens lah" haha.. so after i considered the whole night, i went to buy contact lens today before i went for "work". lets not talk about "work".

hee.. after work, i went to watch movie with bella and wendy.. SIGH!! BOTH ARE LATE!!! do'nt they know how to be on time? irritating lah.. then we watched ms conge... hehe.. nice nice... but the story got not much diff from the first one.. after the movie, we went to buy somethings then go home le.. tht's my day... MSN can't be signed in.. i'm irritated.. VERY irritated... wht am i going to do tml. i've got things to do, but i do not know wht and how to do. wht am i suppose to do???

i'm bored... i felt so meaningless... i can't i be a normal person? (here goes my pessimistic thoughts again) argh! tell me.. when will good things come upon me. when will miracle happen to me? i know, my life as a normal person is already defective, they are worse ppl out there. but y am i comparing with the better ones not those who are worse them me? y do i always have to hurl? jus becoz i can't achieve wht i want to? Y must i always be fated to befriend with those who are above average, whose expenditure are very very high? i wanna cry out to God.. WHY? but i think there are more ppl who needs God more than me, so i stepped back, i don't wanna cry out. i can feel and i'm aware of all evil work in me. but why can't they go?! why must they haunt me? who are true, who are not true? i wanna change, but tempted by my friends. i wanna love, but protecting myself from being hurt. even my mother look down on me. she keep saying i'm fat fat fat. I'M YOUR DAUGTHER!! u think i like? i ate less than most ppl, junk food all seldom eat. and this is wht i became.. my fault? y must u look down on me. since u don't like the sight of me.. throw me away! since u don't like and can't accept the fact that ur daughter is fat.. DISOWN her! tears are rolling down my cheeks as i wrote this... it hurts SO SO SO much... i know, they are now skinner, i'm still this fat?! so? y so proud? i don't like it! i really do'nt like it. throw me away lah! y keep me. since i'm so fat and useless. who stands with me now? only God.. i know. but honestly. i need a physical wall to hang on to.

Friends who are reading will say i'm uttering nonsense again. whtever they think. send me into IMH.. i HAD enough. no one likes me. i'm a pest. even those who says tht i'm not a pest in the past, says i'm a pest now... good job melinda...