i seriously hope. .that someone.. would hold my hand.. give me a hug.. and tell me it's alright... hahaha. don't worry... i'm find.. jus a lil guilty over somethings.. getting stressed up as well.. not enough rest i guess.. gonna be worse in the month due to work schedule i guess... sighie...

i'm gonna get off on sunday and monday.. anyone wanna go out with me??!!! i bet no one.. gonna stay at home at rot.. who so good will ask me out de.. boo hooO!!! everyone seems to be so busy...

Brian brian.. where have u gone.. though we still sms.. why does it feel as if we haven't been talking for about a decade?????? sigh... =(

i'm missing you... i dunnoe what to say... but i'm jus missing u.. can u be back soon??

life.. is like a book with alot of chapter... a close of a chapter, brings on a new chapter...

i am back to the sq one.. now.. i wanna get back to my own box... my own world...

so many things are tearing me apart... separations... reunion... i'm the cause of it... one week 7 days are not enough for me. of these 7 days... of which do i have a free day?? none.... not that i don't wanna give myself a break.. i've been requesting for alot of shift for work already, if i ask for off... i might jus lose this job. but it's seriously tiring...

i feel like quitting what i'm doing now.. but i am happy playing in a big group. but it's taking up tooo much time. gonna skip things here and there... sacrifice here and there... it's draining me out... whenever i've got free time, or half day off, i spent it slping.. too tired to even go anywhere.. do anything. been thinking of going out, did arrangements to go out.. but in the end... i still cancel all of them.

am i saying all these as a result of only having 2.5 hrs of slp ytr?

keke!! results are out.. alright lah.. not that of a nightmare as i thought... i was hoping for at least an A.. but... nvm.. at least i passed.. i was also expecting a D.. luckily it didn't show up.. if not i will be more depressing... kekek!! hmmm.. my results are as follows...

BUSINESS LAW B

CREDIT MANAGEMENT B

ELECTRONIC COMMERCE B+

FINANCE OF INTERNATIONAL TRADE B+

FINANCIAL PLANNING C+

got the lowest GPA ever keke.. 3.1 lalalallala!!!!! i can do better i guess!!! keke.... moving on to the 3rd yr... and for the 3rd yr.. i hope nothing will go wrong.. and that i will be attached to a good company for IAP!!!! kekeke..

**can i have a prayer request? things are not going on quite smoothly on my side.. pls.. pray that my family and i are able to get through these periods of time...**

sigh... seems like i've endless of complains... i dread for work these few days.. seriously, work has become more and more dreaful. there's NOTHING... absolutely nothing that i'm looking forward during work.. not the ppl... maybe some cust ba. if i find another job... i will ciao....

you have no idea what you made me feel when u said certain things... i didn't do them on purpose, i thought you would understand, but that few sentence from you, made me feel that i should leave. maybe you didn't discover what you have said or done... but it jus made me feel this way. it's a fact that u are saying, yes. but if i'm making decisions based on my personal affair like shopping, i deserve them. but no, i'm not.

whatever, most prob, this case, only brian understands... or maybe he don't even understand?? nevermind. i deserve it i guess..

Just when i need someone.. who's there?

who's there to comfort me?

does brian and i always have the same fate? it seems like things happening around us are really so similar.. sigh.. trend again? nah. getting quite sick of it.. trends are for those happy stuff.. not stuff like these... and yea.. it always hurts to know the truth... truth after truth... bah! i think i chose to believe wht i had been thinking at times...

it's so stupid.. is everyone i meet like this?? hmmm.. maybe? maybe not...

work was super boring on a sunday as usual.. i'm happy when phone calls come in, at least i get to tlak and blar...rather than sitting there doing nothing.. i will faint!! was so tired that i can doze off at the bus stop.. took a cab home and slp like a pig.. and what's the result of that? being hyper active now loh...

can i meet someone.. who will stop hurting me for awhile.. pamper me for awhile... (but it will be better if it's more than jus awhile) and jus really appreciates me... forget it.. i'm dreaming... fairy tales? wake up melinda!! won't have.. even if it really exist... it won't be my turn to experience any of them.. far from that!

don't ask me what's wrong.. my temper is flying everywhere.... like siao.. i dunnoe wht's wht..

work is getting SO darn boring... my mood for work is like 2 out of 10? no mood for work.. i don't really look forward to work anymore.. the.. "feeling" is jus not there anymore... and i jus dislike things at work now. like WTF... i find it ridiculous. did i do it wrongly? F**K up de leh..

sigh.. till now.. i'm still wondering if that's a imaginary friend.. .. should i close one eyes? i don't like to think about this... will this happen? will that happen? can't u jus speak the truth?

oh yar.. went to popeyes today!! keke.. one yr after i've ate that in HK airport.. kekeke! nice! i think it's kinda mad? we jus go airport jus to makan that? i was quite surprised that the guys agreed. but i dunnoe wht are they counting about.. not interested also...

i wanna go for a holiday.. i wanna fly off... i don't wanna stay here... i'm thinking about you... and yes.. i admit.. i'm missing u.. so? do u feel the same way too? i dunnoe.. i really hope u will...

-mei mei- i don't think i'm v wht loh.. but it's true i'm still disturb over the phone call.. and i'm still irritated by her actions. both over the phone and also about our pants. what's wrong??! yea... i learnt to ignore her... but i didn't learn to ignore what has happened. if anyone wanna talk about rules.. i can also start that.. i know i'm being v mean laaa.. but... need to be a lil.. fair de mah. ARGH... get me a new job!!

my place had became a market once again.. all my cousins and granny are here... my house is a shelter for 10 pax now.. kekeke... 1 slp in living room, 2 in mine, 3 in my sis and 4 in my mom's room... that makes up 10! with mahjong going on everyday.. i guess my granny is v happy. she's asking me y i haven't go and learn how to play mahjong.. even the 13yr old cousin knows how to play.. sigh.. my mom always tell me, ppl with no brains don't know how to play mahjong... i guess.. i'm jus without a brain.. that explains why i'm so stupidddd....

SIGH... -pulls hair- who can make me happy? who bothers to make me happy? hahaha... sad to say.. i guess everyone gave up on me le.. i dislike this sight of me. argh... i dunnoe how to put them down in words. i'm insecured. is wht i see or heard all lies.. there are more and more things that i'm suspecting.. how am i to address them? i wish to ignore it. i say i wanna ignore, but when it happens, i get all soft again.

though i say i wanna give up.. but i know.. i haven't.. it's hurting me.. tearing me apart. why must anyone lie? to protect themselves? to get their objectives? and hurt ppl in the process?

cheer me up? argh.. forget it.. no one would bother about me.

haven't been in a good mood for days.. tears rolled down my cheeks these 2 days.. don't know due to PMS or reality.. maybe it's reality... been thinking through quite a no. of things..

ppl always say... do'nt like ppl lah.. wait for ppl to like u.. blar blar.. saying liking ppl is diff... now.. i will prove them wrong, so what ppl like u first? i still get hurt in the end...

haven't been in the mood to smile... it's not easy.

when i'm in a bad mood.. i jus want to eat and eat.. no wonder i'm so fat... but.. these few days get hungry so easily.. maybe it's due to the time of the mth laa.

working had been so dull... i don't feel the old same me anymore.. getting old, getting tired.. getting near to deathbed... what else? getting ugly.. so unfair rite.. i'm alr so ugly alr.. and now.. making me worse.

what am i thinking?

celebrated grandma's bdae ytr... had a great talk with my cousin... wanna help him so much.. i was so tired... when i reach back my grandma's place after dinner, after cutting the cake, i jus fell aslp on the sofa at 10pm+ till 11pm+ before coming back... bah!!

i've long waited for the weekend for quite long.. i had a good weekend.. sat went out... late night met some ppl.. blah... but... disappointment gonna come again.. 2 weeks.. 2 weeks... dunnoe lah.. i dunnoe how to react or wht.. or wht wht wht... going mad leeeeee -screams-

hmmmm....

i also dunnoe wht to blog alr... nothing to blog about actually.. oh yar.. except for one.. i've got a super early birthday present.. and that's from my mom.. something that i've set my eyes on 5 years ago... the peanuts family's orchestra puzzle!!! bleah... went marina and suntec to haunt for it, but no avail, went bugis to get it... keke.. -thanks qi who accompanied me around- i practically jus went out to get that puzzle then come home le... BAH!!!

working on night shift these few days... not gonna be online.. not gonna see him online.. to be honest.. i'm scared.. wht if his feelings fade for me? ppl like me have the rights to say wht's love? i miss him alot.... alot.... -pulls hair-

been working ME these few days... darn tired... i slpt like a pig ytr... from 5-7pm... then 11pm till 8.30am... piggy piggy!! ahhhh! -pull hairs- i wanna eat ice cream now...

suddenly, i've got some... confused feelings... feeling scared.. alot of "wht if" keeps appearing in my mind. it made me scared... but, things are jus so practical in this world. unfair too... we'll jus have to wait, wait and wait. even if we try to make it work, if it's not ours.. also no point.

He's flying off today... yup... don't even know if we have time to meet next week.. will we? or maybe i'm forgotten over the week.. and... melinda won't exist alr...

SAD.... why like that?!! aiyo... ytr.. i've got a shocking news... i can't believe wht i saw and hear, saddened me... today.. mei mei tell me she's going to tender... working is not as fun anymore... siaw chin not going to be there... mei mei not going to be there.. who's there for me? seems like.. those whom i don't really know.. if not.. new ppl... no one i can share my tots with during office hours... but i understand her decision... sigh... has been trying to dig time out to meet him.. but it seems like.. either of us are always busy.. when i'm free.. he's busy.. when he's free.. i'm busy... he's flying off again... -pulls hair-

Tml working ME... i'm looking forward to work.. but dind't expect to start it off with ME... a lil.. not looking forward to it liao.. i think alot of my schedule will be ME coz... had requested.. becoz of band... -roar!!-

i'm having an exam hangover.. i woke up at 7.30am today.. with all my CM thingy in my mind. and.. i'm bored... v bored... i wanna go for a holiday.. but.. no $$ sianz..

my mood is... -----------------------------------

BAH!!! boredom boredom!! i only had a few hours of freedom!! and now i'm bored.. what the... BAH!! yar... i seemed to be glued to books... i've been reading mag.. and now.. i'm asking my bro to buy MORE mag. what is this?!! i still got a day to spend tml!!! -pull hair- ahhhhh!!!