i was staring at my "title" of the blog suddenly.. i wondered, who was it for? but i guess.. its for no one now...

been how long since i blog? dunnoe lah... alot of things. since my tooth starts to ache again.... it sucks.. cannot eat properly.. seems like i'm jus swallowing everything down... grinning (rite spelling?) my teeth hurts badly... sighs...

since last blog... got lots of things ba.. last blog was fri..
hmm.. let me see what i done so far.... erm.. ok... sat i went back to m'sia.. for my granny's bdae.. had a sumptous (correct?) meal... sunday... bro's bdae... mon? movie.. tues out with tingyi (pri sch mate), wed out with poly mates.. today? movie with bro.. again..

BAH!! quite disappointed with some stuffs ba..

i dunnoe if certain ppl mean it.. but... what he thinks.. is really not the reason for my actions. judging by how much u know me. do you think i'd leave you alone there when i know you don't like it or what? don't i wanna earn extras if i could?

i really hope u understood my reason.... i remember once, someone told me that... ppl would do all the things for you.. perhaps is becos you deserve it... thinking back.. i at times wonder... ppl.. talking about deserve.. maybe is becos u done something to ppl that's why u deserve it what. in this case.. i guess.. cos i dote on u too much. not too much on what u think its supposed to be.

i realised.. i've got no goal in life.. i guess i'm jus a dummy.. a person without a goal.. moves no where... i feel like a dumbass when everyone knows so much things but i? jus that lil..... SIGH

DUMBASS DUMBASS DUMBASS!!!!! <- THAT'S ME bitch!

i finally bought something that i've been wanting to buy for so long.... kekekekeke
but being the stingy melinda.. i found something that's nice.. and reasonably nice....

kekeke.e. swimming costume................ woot!

so excited for what?
been contemplating to get this shawl for v long.. finally got discount liao... but melinda still dunnoe if i wanna buy.. i don't mind paying it at a full price though. =p

i'm currently v v v v v tired... haven't been slping really well esp ytr..ppl keep waking me up. all i can rmb is that ppl talk to me.... and i think, i talk so much nonsense in reply..

my tooth starts hurting again. so damn! 2 weeks after i see the dentist then hurts. sigh
my mood is terribly bad today... cos of it...

i'm loving subway!

lucky i wasn't like super paranoid or something
lalalala
=x
RESULTS are out
though with a interim report that is only a borderline pass...
through the help of many, i manage to grad with a nice grade....

Grade for IAP is.. A

and i grad with a GPA of 3.5108

not as fantastic.. .but i think.. its all i ask for.
my prayers are answered.
All thanks to God...

Inspired by Ytr's post, i bought Chicago's CD today. =x
bought some of the things that has been on my list for quite sometime.. jus that i was too absentminded... always forget to buy....
the melody of Hard habit to break keeps ringing in my mind.... esp the chorus.... each time i hear them..

i ain't happy these few days.. esp today...
anyway.. i had a full 12hours slp ytr.. damn shiok!... but it has became a habit to go out and makan once i wakie on weekdays.. so today is not surprising too.. instead of having my usual lor mee, treated mom to delifrance.. keke... been so long since i last had deli...

night plans were cancelled.... but managed to get pei pei out for dinner... but the time pass real fast... bah!

alot of things are going through my mind now..
can anyone jus listen to me?
i feel so unhappy in me...
i wish u know...
but i know u won't....
cos u can't/ won't be bothered by it
through the way u talk.. i know....
its always one sided... always.....

hmmm
i was listening to the radio when it played me fav song...
...
its by Chicago... its called, Hard Habit to Break... v meaningful... sometimes.. it applies to me

here it goes..:

I guess I thought you'd be here forever
Another illusion I chose to create
You don't know what ya got until it's gone
And I found out a little too late
I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doin' you a favor I hardly knew you were there
But then you were gone and it was all wrong
Had no idea how much I cared

CHORUS:
Now being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
But I don't want to
Living without you
It's all a big mistake
Instead of getting easier
It's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to ya babe
You're a hard habit to break

You found somebody else you had every reason
You know I can't blame you for runnin' to him
Two people together but living alone
I was spreading my love too thin

After all of these years
I'm still tryin' to shake it
Doin' much better they say that I just takes time
But deep in the night it's an endless flight
I can't get ya out of my mind

CHORUS
2nd Chorus:
Being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
I don't want to
Being without
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier
It's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to you
You're a hard habit to break

it keeps ringing in my head.. maybe i should buy it?

Birthdays....

today topic.. is birthday... birthday should be quite a sad thing isn't it? one is getting older!
my mom once said.. last time.. their generation, bdae is to honour their mother... the pain the endured for us... but i always replied with a "lalala". HAHA... meanie melinda.. as always...

what's birthday for melinda? nothing but nothing...

actually.. not only bdaes la... all the festive periods are all gone... i mean.. i don't see a meaning to it.. other than christmas.. i don't look forward to anything.. in fact, honestly, i kinda dread for them.

back to the topic... so far... for the yr 07.. i already had 4 persons whose bdae has past..... to all i can remember la...
brian's.. which of course i know how we celebrated.. my mom's.. i also remember... v v simple.. cos she was too hungry that she had first.. and end up too full to eat during night.. such a turn off... my sis... that... we spent the day in church.. rejoicing (she hates it when i say this. HAH) but she had a pre celebration with friends.. then wan ching.. i did not go for her celebration.. (sorry babe).. but really kinda feel out of place whenever we are all out tgt...

next week.. i still got 2 more bdaes to go.... BAH.... and i'm so not looking forward to mine again.... i'd only plan for ppl... HAHAH

=p
melinda is a weirdo..
that's all...

at times i wonder.. what are friends for?
but i know they are impt..

but somehow.. i dunnoe.. why.. i'm always a follower...
not that i didn't wanna be a leader...
when they need me.. i'm always there.. i mean say go out or what
then when i need ppl... there is always no one

i dunnoe la.. i feel.. like i dunnoe what i am.. a friend.. or a hi-bye

whtever

ppl always have time for other friends.. but not me...
when it comes to melinda.. its always busy

i miss the lunches we have... those days when we meet to have lunch
well... that is how many yrs ago?! during sec sch
but that are good memories..
now? sigh
even dinner also need a 3rd person
or.. even dinner also say u are busy busy busy
hmmm
but yet there's so much time in the world to do so much more with others

that's the difference with someone with too much friends.. and someone without friends....
is it so hard jus to give some time?

i say so much also no use.. that person also dunnoe i'm talking about him..

when someone is pessimistic.. really everything also not nice ah?

the past week has been a downer... i'm pessimistic.. about myself, my future. up to the extend.. i think i've grown in size.. ugly.. getting listless.. no matter how i look at my hair.. i think its sickening. i think i don't have enough clothes, i don't look nice in ANYTHING
suddenly i feel like throwing away all my clothes.... man.. what is good? what is nice....?!?!
i feel so lonely... i am restricting myself to some ppl these few days.. the same ppl here and there... sigh... down down down down down down!


hmmm.. i can't help can't help... thanks for those who spent the past few days with me.. being out with u all.. brought a lil smile...

And now u are trying to get back into my life... but everything is different. u won't get the melinda u used to get. i can't let go.... cos... the feeling is already there.. feeling of love? no... other things... don't misunderstood.

hmmmmm

weekend is over for me..

sianz..

i've yet to recover from that *sigh* friday night... whtever...

i decided to give up on uni. i have my own reasons. ask me personally if u care to.

feeling was still heavy ytr.... actually don't really feel like going out. but needa go ikea to get the side table that i want.... leen went with me. surprisingly, for a sat, there wasn't much ppl at ikea... i guess cos there was an addition ikea @ tampines now... got what i wan.. and headed off to... to... oh! changi airport for popeyes!! keke.. been so long since i last had that.... now their meal only has one side.. not 2 sides le.. but still quite full lah.. so its ok... drag around.. dilly dally... end up we spent like 3 hours there?! hahaha.. i was quite amused.. cos there ain't anything in Changi airport in the first place. and i am still able to do some shopping for a bestie's bdae gift.. =)

anyway... fixing the table was a CHORE =x

and now my thumb hurts now...

pain pain!

still need to put varnish before it's completed..

bleah!!!!

okies.. the snall table ish my new side table....

i'm sorry.. sorry for making u frustrated again...

i didn't choose to feel what i'm feeling
i'm thinking of giving up uni...
sigh.. big morning and my tear is flowing again...

i jus don't like to see the disappointment in ppl's face u get it?
becos i did not give a goal for myself...
i give all i can
sigh
whtever

hmmm...

melinda had a quite peaceful day i guess
but she's so unhappy
where are her friends when she's sad? (ahh... dunnoe if she got friend)

at times.. i wonder why i'm there for ppl.. when they ain't there for me...
hmmm
nvm.. that's me....

=)
but.. i'm still unhappy...
anyone cheer me up?

i'm dreaming......
i wanna tell ppl
i really wanna tell someone.. and let go...
hurts.

Just leave my life and one go. don't ever come back. u brought hurt to me emotionally and physically... be happy with ur attachment in KL and don't ever look for me again. jerkass

i quote this from Cyril Wong's work:

"what is the use of a longer life when it offers no answers that I don’t already know now? What is the use of a beautiful woman who loves me if her love was not first born of friendship, and don’t all beautiful women grow old in the end? What is the use of riches when people stop looking at you for who you are, but for the price of your clothes, the jewellery that you adorn? What is the use of fame if it would make me suspect the intentions of anyone who wanted to be my friend"

i find this para... is rather..... meaningful? also cannot say meaningful laa.. jus that i tot that its a beautiful para..

=)

half day tml....
but gonna go dental
='(
and when will i be going to ikea?!

went manhanttan again for lunch today.
bah!