*period*
that explains why my mood is up and down.. down and up these few days... jus.. easily irritated (maybe i already am.. need not period to add in the word "easily")

why is it... that when i leave something each time.. i jus have to close connections there? can't anything else continue? must it go on till the end of my life???? ARGH i'm a lil sadded by it.

anyway.. life is getting better.. but i'm getting more and more introvert. lesser white hair for me (claimed by me sister who always like to look out for my white hair(s))

sigh... the only thing i'm not happy is... eh.. nothing? not yet?

I DON'T KNOW!!

had been a week.... busy week... work is ok... stress lvl is getting higher... lacking of sleep for the whole week (but manage to catch some slp on sat.. which was super duper nice)

but i still have this qns.. why is there unhappiness whenever i am around... all these unhappiness made me wanna giveup... my will is no longer strong now... small unhappiness... i jus wanna give up...

i'm still searching for my ans "what's life?"

other than that, i had many great times last week, dinner with section, manicure, dinner with pri sch friends, and cousin staying over... ikea shopping...shopping for xmas tree ornaments...

xmas supposed to be a joyous occasion.. where has the joy go to? i try to make things nice.. but it would never be nice.. why can't it be nice??

thinking about it.. there's nth to be excited about.. not has if i've got lots of parties to attend, lots of present to take... its headach period.. headach how i should spend the lonely xmas... headach on what to buy who...

when will i start loving myself... money coming out from my wallet to others are so easy... $50? $100.. doesn't seems to be a thing.. but how come when i wanted to buy things for myself that 50, that's 100 i nv once bear to take it out of my pocket?

hmmm...

i am really unhappy..
i don't like the way i look... and such.. the way i looked...

yeah.. i must do something to it.. but does it help??
its ok.. tears jus rolled down...

i'm fat.. and i'm jus fat.. no one would like a fat pigggg...

sigh..
i wanna cry my way through

hahahhaa.. a few days not blogging seem so long..

another week has passed fast...

this month will continue to be this way.....

been rather busy at work these few days.. but somehow.. i'm v stressed over it... SIGH.....

X'mas?? i'm not looking forward to it... my sister say give me ipod.. where's it? liar.... now say my dad wanna give me phone?? sigh.. ok... nvm.. forget it..

whatever~

though band is out of my life for now... but i still remain... busy... dunnoe why la... this whole week.. this is the only day that i reach home early....

the feeling i am having.. is asking me to cry

when you went around the blog wishing them merry x'mas, i look at my tag board... nothing

when you praise people on how nice they look, i remembered i nv once hear those words... i think i was nv once pretty

when you are out playing.. i feel that i brought ur troubles...

sometimes.. looking at things.. i don't understand why.. i convinced myself with no reason. ppl may tell me "becos u are close" haa.. which i partially agree...

does everyone receive that "busy, not free, don't want la, see how" that i receive.. for this.. i'm sure.. some do...

haa.. i feel like a rejected good...

well.. but that was the past.. past.. past past...

what is the present.. what does the future holds for me.. more of such things?

ahh.. this post is not as pessimistic as it sounds k..

Being as a middle child is v fair...

the eldest will always get all the first attention.. the "fresh parent" attention... the youngest.. also gets the attention cos they are too young... same for my family la.. and the plus point? my sister is raised by my granny, thus, more doted.

there's no status for me here.. its jus like a house, with a bed that i slp on. it doesn't hold anymore meaning for me.

why does they always get to win and i'm always the ridiculous one? perhaps i am..

is there somewhere in the world i can be??

a new chapter has begun, what do i want? sigh.

this is not fair..................... why do i always get the lousier things?

why why why.. i feel like crying again.

xmas wishlist??
1) Pure White Linen Eau de Parfum spray by Estee Lauder
2) One more watch (formal)
3) this dorothy perk top that cost 63 =(
more to come??