hmm... suddenly feel as if i dind't update for long leh.. hahaz! forgot when i last updated this le. anyway.. these few days is study break... ok lah.. i dunnoe to say if i've studied or not... go read and try to understand but nothing goes in how?! haiyo! tues studied acc... ytr studied MAEC... but then short of one chpt.. coz jian wen haven't give me back my notes.. sigh! tag-board is down.. always like tht one leh.. kinda irritatin... change to doodle board? don't know
geee... these few days i sleep very late.... ytr slpt at 3am.. don't ask me why... got reason one.. but slpt ith disappointment actually.. hee.. don't know wht i'm really thinking loh.... nuts ppl got nuts thinking.... ytr had a call from my junior... hahaz.. he told me alot of things.. laugh till i peng! nv knew tht he's so vulgar.. i tot he's a gentle man.. hahz also very funny de lah... he rather talk to me about his private life than sch life.... but i always like to talk to him... no barriers talking to him.. kinda fun.. however.. if it's serious stuff... then i will get irritated by him! hahza.... none the less.. remember those days when we crapped till late night sharing our experiences with christ.. so cool! seldom see ppl like tht... then i can jus say.. hahaz.. no need to think... =)

Lost a few KGs of weight.. but seemed as fat leh... no difference.. i think i gain and loss weight VEY VERY easily... hahaz! recently.. i'm not being myself.. i felt so so so bad.. so guilty... i don't know what i'm doing is right or wrong... lucky for me.. got a few close friends with me. i'm always in a dilema lah! whoever who knows me knows i'm always like tht.. alot of things is onhold now ... alot of things haven't do.. but study first.. haven't been studying smart... new year is around the corner too! have all of ya done ya shopping?! sigh.. the giordano pants i bought.. wash le became so loose tht it's going to drop down! argh!! how how?! hahaz.. mama gonna sch me if she knows. hmmm... wht to do now?! later going to sheng siong with mama.. dunnoe go there for wht.. jus go lah... today i think i'm going to slack bah.. SIANZ!!! shall blog later

hmm.. it's always so weird.. it's always never once that i'm filled with no emotions... haven't been blogging for a period of time, or is it only 2 days? it's either that i'm lazy or i'm busy... exams are drawing near.. alot of things are drawing near.. my head's gonna explode... i've got a very fearful feeling in me... am i a good friend? introvert or extrovert? do i hide or hurl? am i pessimistic or optimistic.!! ah!! someone tell me leh.. i felt as if i've got spilt personality... neither this nor that.. haha.. wht am i?!

hehe.. i've done my spring cleaning!! hehe made use of the public hols to do everything.. though my room still look the same... but it's neater and.. dust-free!! hahaz the following day.. jasmine came over to my place to do project... i went to interchange to pick her up at like... 1000h? hahz.. then we started on our projects... *faint* alot of amendments to be made to the project woh.. hahaz! so we slowly lah.. coz i only got one lappy.. and i'm using.. jasmine start helping me to fix my lego.. hahaz! she had so much fun doing it.. hahaz she used 2.5 hrs jus to fix tht pirate castle!! hahaz i normally take about an hour (hahaz i've been fixing tht every year for 7 years!!). then coz she need go dye hair.. we agreed to meet on sunday at qi's house to do prject loh... and tt's at simei.. it's ok for me coz i needa go church in the morning.. hahaz but jasmine..... poor gal... hee. so we headed for town at 1+pm... she go dye hair.. i go meet wen ni.. hahaz suppose to go out with other ppl.. but then she wanna go out with her another friend also.. so let her go loh.. we went shopping... it was ok lah.. quite fun! hehe at about 6.15pm, i left for cell group.. coz i was the lesson facilitator, i don't wanna be late... then grace don't really know how to go.. so i've got to pick her up first.. when we reach.. it's like 7.35pm.. we're late! but guess what?! we are the only ones around.. uncle pak fook haven't even come.. when i called.. he's only on the bus... jas and ming late as usual lah! hahaz they reach at 8... in tht end... i didn't had cell.. seeing the condition of the youth room, i decided to clean up the whole room. well.. and we did... in like 45 mins?! hehe there's a sofa now in the youth room le.. yay!

sunday.. church was as usual... ntohing went wrong lah.. then after bible class.. we continue to pack the room.. decided to get rid of one of the shelf.. the more the room has.. the messier it is... can't stand it. yup.. so we cleaned all the way from 1 to 2 plus.. then i've got to go qi's house.. hehe. i was late.. coz was held up by the printing of come newspaper article for the project.. gee.. they accepted.. so we go makan and start doing project.. it was so irritating.. time is jus running so fast!! grr.... by the time we finish editing iut's 10 le.. actually wanna edit once more de. but time don't permit.. so we went home lah.. on the trip back hom... i discovered some mistakes to the report!! hahaz came back home and changed... then do hmwk.. help my friend do things... by the time i'm done.. it's 4am! time really flies okie!

and today... i auto wake up at 0730hrs. only slpt for 3.5 hours! then wakie and con with my hmwk loh. haha! was surprised tht i can stay awake... went sch for make up lesson at 9.45... ntohing much lah.... sianz loh... go tutorial... presented my qns... bind up our report and submit.. after which i come home and rot le.. ntohing to do leh... too tired.. my eyes are very dry.. too tired to even move to my piano and play.. (unlike me rite) haven't start studying.. sianz... i'm hungry!!! sigh.. i was reminded of soemthing... though tht person nv treat me like tht before.. but he had once treated others like this in front of my eyes.. it's really very scary to have such person.. y are they like tht??!! man are blunt! nv think about the consequences before they talk.. even though they think tht they did think lah... sturbborn!! and unreasonable!! hehe its a long post today hahaz...

ah.. today felt better.. thank you wendy for being with me ytr.... anyway.. i slpt at 2am last night.. and guess what? i woke up at 8.30am! hahaz.. woke up.. check see tv got what show.. hahz channel 5 showing the MTV video music awards... so sat down and watch loh.. after awhile.. go and take lapppy and start doing my project... wrote letter.... then chat loh... i don't know how i dilly dally de lah.. can work till 1pm.. after tht... started to iron all my clothes.. then clean my room.. threw away alot of bags and clothes... very tired... washed and mopped... did everything lah! so tired.. hahaz the most fun part is.. i found all my barbie doll! haha then i started playing it.. sianz.. my sister don't wanna play with me.. play alone lah!! ahah childish rite... hahaz.. but it's fun.. last time i always play with it one.. hahaz i only play barbie doll in the pas.t. i think to dress them up like a bride.... i got 2 sets of bridal gowns... hehe.. so cute..

didn't play for long lah... coz scare mama say i do things do half way down there play.. so i continued loh... only finished my spring cleaning at 5.15pm.. then come online loh!! hahaz sigh... tired... but can't slp! sianz rite.. feel like going out now. hahz! =p ok lah.. don't talk so much le.. i go and help my friend to do something le... update later ya... =p

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! what is this what is this?! i wanna cry!! i'm freaking paranoid!!! very irritated.. ok lah! all melinda and her anger again lah! i wish i wsa nv once here so tht you won't konw me at all... and this irritatinf melinda! y are human like this, tell me!! argh!!!! tried my best and yet like htt.. y do i hurl??? y can't i hide? i feel so restless and breathless.. you are not who you are anymore.. you are jus like a leech! wht do you think you are? some big queen or king? i don't wish to care about you anymore!!! but y are you still in my mind! wht an ass! i shouldn't have give a damn! i've been wrong in the first place! God had gave me the right road but i've failed to follow it... i tot tht knowing you and guiding you is wht he ask of me to do for now.. but it's completely not true... i feel like banging my head on th ewall.. you made me feel like a fool! i know.. you'll be successful one day... and i'm here for you to play only what... knowing melinda got what benefit? only one stupid piece of thing... what can she do? nothing.. unlike other ppl who can give you so much more benefits rite?! don't tell me tht i'm wrong again.. coz tht's wht you are letting my fail... i dislike this part of my life... so sensitive for what?

everything seemed to go wrong.. everything.. from the simplest things to the hardest! all wrong!!! my life only revolve com com com.. piano piano piano.. get a life lah! i think i'm a bad luck person.. who ever with me is going to suffer... whtever thing tht is under me is not going to succeed.. it's all my fault! i really start to think this way.. i couldn't be more optimistic about the situation.. why is there always problem in places i am in? why isn't there peace for me? y must i assume so much of myself when i'm jus trying to be an ass?! i'm not talented.. not smart... bad tempered.... pls lah.. it's like a waste of resource on me.. what can i do?! nothing unlike the rest of those ppl around me.. all smart smart de... talented.. beautiful... y must it end out like this? God.. give me an answer.,.. i'm suffering inside... i can feel the distance btw us now... y is the devil working within me? y must i grow to be vulnerable... as strong as i may seem to be... but a fool i am. get out of me life! out you go! i will treat it as i've nv know you such a person... i dont know to know it too...

Lord... keep all my temper aside after these... i dislike being angry and sad! i don't like it... bring me out of this and walk with me... for you know how i'm feeling now...

gee.... jus came back home... today school started at 9am... i reached on time.. but the teacher is late.. wht's more.. she forgot to bring the classroom key.. so have to spend time looking for another replacement.. in the end started at about 9.30am... after that, skipped lecture loh.. went to do written com's project.. sigh.. don't ask me how's tht lah.. hahahz after tht.. i met up with andris for lunch (who knows she already ate.. ) introduced her to jasmine... haha those 2 anti social ppl ar... suddenly become so sociable loh!! hahaz talked talked talked.. i tot they will jus stare at each other. who knows.... things changes.. hahaz! after makan.. andris went home and we went shopping.. wen to marina... aiyo.. can see lah jas so sianz.. hahaz maybe go shopping with me very sianz de.. hahaz! anyway.. walked from marina to citylink.. then to RCSC.... hehehe and i bought something today... finally get to buy something.. hahahz bought lingerie lah... i long long time nv buy le.. hahaz so happy.. siao rite.. okok fine.. tht's kinda *R(A)* later ppl comaplin in my tag board (or maybe no one care??? muahahha) after tht.. both of our leg ach le... go home loh... as usual... it's jam at town... so only came home a few mins ago.. hahaz! got to do something already.

sry!! hahaz.. was too busy to update my blog... was flooded with all sorts of project... had completed my BMGT presentation.. BCA project... CATS artifact... and.... and... erm! i forgot already!! hahaz.. well, i'm quite happy with all their results... =) currently left with Wcom and IAC... hmm...

alright.. recently i've been very busy... but managed to spare some time to update the blog now.. hahaz... today i've got lecture at 9am... however.. eversince last night, i've made up of my mind to skip school... so i had set my alarm clock to 9.30am so that i'll be in sch for the Wcom tutorial at 11am... but who knows!!!! i woke up at 8.30am!!! it's so early loh.. so i was like.. i take half an hour to go to sch.. should i be late for accounts lecture?! hahaz! so in the end.. i went.. and i reached school at 9.15am.. i didn't take cab!! no.. i didn't i took a bus... don't every doubt if i've washed up... i DID!!! not only that... i even slowly ironed my clothes!!! jus that i've got to run across the road for the bus lah! maybe tht's y i'm early... well.. i was practically not listening to the lecture..... that teacher is so attitude.. he's my tutor.. ytr i had my tutorial.. i asked him... 'cher.. can you excuse me? you are blocking my view' you know what he said??? 'TOO BAD'! kaoz!! what teacher is that? nvm.. today... during lecture.. he's too fast, so a student asked,'teacher could you pull down the transparency? i can't see' know what he said? 'too bad lah' kaoz!!! attitude!!! crazy loh...! sicko...

hahaz.. okok.. aft the lect.. had Wcom.. today's wcom's tutorial is role play about a model org. meeting... everyone was reading their notes.. like so stress... i was kinda, 'huh'!! nvm coz i played the role of the chairman for the previous tutorial... so i'm very very sure tht i'm not the chairman for this time's role play loh. then who knows.. when i go in... the teacher say.. 'melinda, you'll be the chairman for this meeting' wah! peng.. of all person me... i was so nervous loh... don't know what to do. anyway, teacher say tht i chaired it quite well lah.. phew!! was so nervous.. after tht.. 2 hrs break.. changed blog skin!!! hahaz the previous one the HTML siao! hhaz...

aft tht went to MAEC lect.. then back home.. when i came home.. i created a webby!! hahahz... hehe.. it's for the church youths.. hahahza dunnoe it's counted as a good or bad one.. hahaz after tht.. i've been so busy le..! hahaz..

i'm getting more and more blur.. actually paid the wron bill :(

hmm.. morning as usual... rain... today, i woke up at 7.35am tossing and turning on my bed.. trying to decide if i should skip BMGT tutorial today.. ish so so so boring loh.. tht's why i'm so relectant.. ahahah! but after thinking for so long.. might as well go loh.. anyway i'm already awake.. but i'm STILL TIRED!! haha.. everyone says tht every morning! but anyway... in the morning, there was a jam at bukit timah there.. so was kinda late lah.. but only by 5 mins.. the rest of the class are still not there except for jian hua, kian lian and wan ching. even the teacher is also right infront of me.. hahaz! anway.. the tutorial was as usual.. boring! after tht.. we went to eat bao... then go for BMGT lecture... then after tht eat again! haha we are like pigs recently.. haha while eating.. discuss about IAC project with celine.. hahaz after tht... i came home.. hahaz

when i reach home... no one was at home.. so i go and make my big business lah.. who knows my bro come back while i was making business.... then he was lock outside till i finish.!! =) suppose to meet ppl for interview at 4pm... hahhaa so i'm suppose to leave home at 3pm.. however.. when i called andris to inform her tht there'll be cell this sat... she told me tht she needa go buy something but no one accompany.. then i offer my company...hahaha so i met her at coronation plaza at 3.30pm... of coz i didn't forget tht i've got to meet my friend at 4pm.. but then he's still doing facial loh.. haven't finish.. doubt he can make it on time.. i called him also no ans.. so i went to makan with andris.. hahaz did i jus say makan again?! okok stop! do'nt call me a pig.. i'm a HIPPO! hahaz.. so i sit there and talk with her loh... since my friend also no need to go for interview le... it's too late for interview... when he called me.. it's already 5pm loh!!! so nvm lah! then i went causeway point with andris wanna buy something de.. but then there didn't sell wht i wan.. hahaz..anyway.. go ther for awhile then i come back hom le... heheh! lucky andris is with me.. it not i'll smack him!!! hahahhaz.! bad leh.. make ppl wait for so long and travel out.. in the end dind't go! grrr!! =)

.. woke up early in the morning... lying down on the bed... considerating if i shold go for accounts lecture, today is balance day adjustment.. kinda sianz.. 78 lecture slides.. confirm can't teach finish de... end up.. i went.. since im already awake.. but still very tired! hahahz.. anyway.. went to sch.. wanna wait for azre de.. but then he lah! so late.. then can't le.. hahahz. wanna borrow CD from him mah! who knows... sigh!! haha. i went in just intime for acc lecture.. the lecture i so so so long... i was so bored!! hhaahz. =x i think this sem i siao liao lah.. confirm fail mos tof my sub.. i'm still shag.. hahaz!

after acc lect, it's Wcom tutorial.. today.. do group work... write minutes loh.. hahaz my group came out with this idea to make a multi purpose specs... with the function to change the normal lense to sun shade.. with MP3 player/ voice recorder/ Fm, built in blue-tooth phone... built in LCD screen.. hahah all those craps lahah... kinda fun.. then write minutes.. present.. tht's it.. after tht do project loh.. then i came home for a session of mahjiong.. heheh then piano again lah! what else? melinda's life is always tht NOT-interesting hahahz i know.! hahaha.. after my friends left... i was with my com and piano (moving here and there lah) till now loh.. was doing my Wcom and BCA hahaz. sianz de.. tml got Bsmgt... then CATS project... after tt go... go.... go... oh! SIR building to change my passport pic! hahahz =p tht's about it lah! hehehe i'm going off le!! hehehe goodnight!

i fell in love... with this man called ***** whoever you all think it is.. nvm.. sigh.. nvm.. it's rubbish! coz i'm talking crap!! hahahz... today sch reopen for all those sec and pri and JCs.... hehe.. my brother woke up damn late today.. he had to take a cab to sch! hahahz.. okok... don't laugh at him le.. being able to wake up on time for sch is my concern for secondary school.. don't ask me y, doubts me too..

school starts at 1pm today.. i woke up at 9.40... coz mr yiong sent me a business card tht woke me up! i played piano till 2am last night.. slpt at 3 plus.. i can't believe! today's tutorial is less than half an hour.. kinda waste time loh.. then bo liao.. went to band.. coz before tht rah called me for something... then i go loh.. go there also sianz lah.. hahaha... after tht.. went plaza with davina, greg, claudia and... evonne (i think i spelled wrongly) went popular to buy soemthing... then to long john to makan.. =) then after i come home.. i'm infront of the piano again.. till about 11pm... siao lah.. i also don't konw wht i'm doing.. keep playing mozart's sonata k 330.. i think my fingers are breaking... while playing on the piano.. tons and tons of sms came in.. as if no need money de.. hahaz kinda shock.. seldom have sms coming in so often..

alot of things are troubling me... music.. life... studies.. future... i think there's something wrong with me... y?! argh! am i siao again? maybe? maybe not.. i felt so despair... these few days.. or rather weeks.. i think i've been a fool infront of someone... no wonder ppl dont' wanna talk to me.. (sigh.. anyway... no one talks to me one lah.. i'm such a bitch)... BITCH!!! can't stand myself at times. so idiotic! (glad tht i know rite?) yes i know.. long ago... grrrrrr! irritated by myself... well.. go ahead and hate me.. i don't like myself.. i think i'm a monster!! not a human.!

'i'm worried for you, but you don't know. i'm calling out for you, but you can't here. i'm trying to reach you, but you don't want to give me your hand. i tried so hard for you, but i failed. emptiness and betray-ness is what i felt now.'

this is what my heart had been telling me since i'm awake... sigh.. hahahz! yesterday i had another baby dream!!! i dreamt tht this time round i'm married to a TV producter, my dad opened a optical shop... and i'm also 4 months preganant. hahaha.. i everytime also dream of me being preganant de.. is there somethign wrong.. hahaz but seriously if i were to choose.. i think i'd like to be a mother early.. hahaz.. partly is becoz so that there won't be a big age gap lah.. hahaz! then i also like kids.. haha! but too bad.. no man wants me.. let alone getting married. hahah! sigh.. oh.. ytr i kinda experienced motherhood.. haha i brought my 8yrs old paternal cousin(man man) out to great world city with my maternal cousin (pei pei). hahaz.. we reach there at about... 4.30? then walk around... he don't wan this don't wan tht.. then have to please him.. then he's hungry... hahhaz... bring him to food.. buy happy meal.. play with his toy... wipe his mouth... all sorts... hahaz then pei pei said i look like a mother.. hmmm ZARA having sales leh!! hahaz.man man followed us there quietly loh.. then asking.. y we go woman's section.. then i brought him to the male one.. hahaz.. we hanged out there till about 7pm.. man was relacant to leave.. then have to 'please' him loh.. he's looking at all the different country flags.. wah! he know more than me seh! hhaz. after htt.. we brought him to holland V for mudpie.. his eyes opened real big with he saw the mudpie!! funny..anyway.. all of us enjoyed it... hahaz... see! so fast experience motherhood le.!! muahahahaha... the whole day he held on to my hand.. hahaz! then grab my hand like his booster! hahaz... more like a boyfriend ar... *oopS* hahaz but anyway.. he went back to malaysia le.. hahha

will be going down to esplanade later loh... with pei pei!! hahahz i wanna go there borrow CDs... while she wanna go suntec de accessorize =) hehhee.. ok.. my stomach is calling for me le... i go and look for food le.. hehe!