sometimes.. i feel that i'm being "forced" to do certain things.. i don't understand why 2 perosn who like eaceh other cannot be together? alright.. whtever... i shouldn't say anything nor do anything.. after being single for 19 yrs.. maybe abother 10 more yrs won't make a diff... or even a life time more.. or maybe in this life.. i will jus be a toy... played and played by different ppl...

i wanna fall.. i don't wanna stand.. i'm tired.. tired from everything.. can it end? how? when? everything is haunting me...

sigh... there's still so much to go.. so much to complete... long way more... this time.. i'm breaking down before my exam is even nearing... maybe.. one day maybe when i can't stand it.. i should jus be like those kinda patient jin ting said.. walked in IMH and say "i'm depress.. admit me" yar.. i should ah... called what? bapola? hahahahaha kinda pronounced like that lah... yea yea..... no one to back me up.. no one to hold me up...

so darn fucked up... lies lies and lies.. if u choose to lie... fuck off don't come and lie to me.. i'm not those kinda gal whom u can pick in geylang.. i don't charge.. neither am i willing to give it to u jerk ass!!! FUCK OFFFFffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. CCH KNN... i hate liars......... that's why i hate myself =x sigh...

so many things are pestering me... so many.... can all jus go away.. go go go go go go go go go go go go i really dislike all of u...

so fast... another week has gone.. it had marked the end of my holiday... as well as those sec sch kid's holiday... BAH!!! my holiday is not like a holiday.. maybe serve myself right ba.. who asked me to work.. projects are piling up like dunnoe what.. yups.. alot of unhappiness and stress... cries? not as much... ppl tell me that i'm a human.. not a machine.. why i stress so much.. but some think that... i add too much unneccessary things...

at times.. i wonder... when ppl talk, did they put themselves into my shoes? u have ur own committment.. u were once in my shoes... but have u tot about me?! nvm.. maybe my feelings are nothing to ppl ba... or maybe.. i deserve it.. (i swear i didn't meant to make this post a pessimistic post)

someone around me. had changed quite a bit.. more temper... talks less... dunnoe.. of have i changed? suddenly.. i feel so quiet.. not wanting to go anywhere.. do anything...

today, i had intention to stay at home for one whole day... half of the day past v quickly.. till 3+ when mickey called and asked me and their 2 dog to go sentosa... ting drove... there.. i totally feel like someone living in some western country... there i am.. looking at or laughing at 2 dogs... and reading on the sand...peaceful.. yes.. i like it.. i dunnoe if they felt it... i am not as noisy as i use to be.. whenever i'm with ting and mickey in the past.. i will talk and talk.. but now? i enjoyed all the silence i had...

i wish someone was there for me... my mind is in a confused state now.. no wish to think.. looking forward to the end of this month.. will all this waiting stop????? i hate to wait for u.. but have u ever wait for u.. no.. well.. it's all gonna end.. coz i think. it's not going anywhere... argh!!! guys... ignorant!!!

hmmm.. haven't been blogging for the past few days?

alot of ppl have been telling me that my blog is full of pessimisn.. tsktsk! it's becoz i choose to blog those things.. not becoz i'm not happy laa!! tsk tsk boo.. haha.. i also discover my cause of uhappiness is normally caused by 2 cause.. bah!!!!

bleah... so many things happened in one week.. waking up late for work... projects.. concerts... and some.. unpleasent thing.. + the normal sensitive me.. man.. i hope it's becoz it's near the time of the month tht's why i'm like that only man.. kee.. SIGHh... -don't wanna think!!!-

i'm now watching that lao fu zhi.. tsk tsk!!! a lil dumb sia...

nothing to blog.. no one's reading too.. bye

Sometimes.. it's better not to know so much things.. the more u know... the more hurtful you feel.. and once again... why can't u treat me like how u treat the rest... i didn't say this due to lac of slp... but... yups.. got to know something again.. i gues.s. i'll NEVER be treated that way. -dream on Melinda.. who do u think u are? chao neh neh- bah!!

so much things happened today... let me see... morning bus ride with ppl collasping... claimed to be fits.. however u spell it.. but well.. i don't think it's fits.. more like stroke... and i'm determine not to be such a fat gal... coz fats cos ur veins to get blocked.. later i also end up like that in the future how? but then.. i don't wanna cut to much fat.. later my.. Breast gone.. tsk.. faints.. okok.. treat it as if u nv see that sentence... *see no evil* tsk tsk!!! and... the bus ride home... with... FOUR CCTVs in the bus.. whtever for man?!! and of course.. another stupid dream of mine...

i know what i'm going to spend my pay on... books books books and books!!! lalalalalalla =x siao... alr one BIG sum of it is gone.. jus becoz of my phone bill and my concession... *mom cut-ted my allowance.... booo hooo hooo who wanna keep me as mistress?!*

- ppl can be happy.. i can't.. not becoz i choose to be that way.. i wanna be a elective mutism...-
lag in updates... hahahhahahaha from L to R: fish, vid, me, celine, paige!!!!
Sarah and yours truely -winks-
Leen and me.. i'm looking a lil.. retard..
All the peepz from assumption...
6 batches of majors!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
keee.. and the clarinet section!!! tsk.. oh.. and i like one of the pic in particular.. know which?!

argh... my whole body achs... after not cycling for so long... baH!!!! old already lah... who ask me not to work out.. bah!!! rite..

last paper was over... i dunnoe why they call that a quiz.. it's darn freaking hard... bah!!! boooo!!! next 2 weeks gonna be a chaotic week!!.. project, band and work... bah!!!

well.. i had been happy these 2 days.. i hope i can still be as happy for the next 1 month!!! hahahahahaz.. or rather.. forever.. can't stop smiling to myself.. tsk tsk!!!! oops! =x

actually.. i'm blogging craps lah. also dunnoe what to blog liao. =x

argh!!!! can u stop showing me those irritated fuck up attitude when i did nothing? yar.. maybe sometimes i give that too.. but i'm not even trying to push anything... and yet? is sorry so darn fucking hard to say? thank you.. i got no mood for tml papers when i still got at least 6 more chpts to run...

it's always the way that i've been talking... it doesn't always mean i'm correct... i also make mistakes.. i know i always insisted my way... but doesn't mean i always do that rite?! at least i said.. i'm angry, i'm sad or i'm pissed... i don't jus shut up about it ya....

sigh... i'm jus so not pissed nor angry at this.. there are times.. where ppl need to know... when they should learn how to say sorry and thank you. shutting up doesn't help.

i swear... i studied harder for quiz than common test... i know i'm v v v v v v naggy.. but.. I REALY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S THE DIFF BTW COMMON TEST AND QUIZ. if they tell me that it's a common test.. i would really accept that i have 4 subs to be tested on.. after 2 yrs of doing quiz in MeL and in sch or wherever... suddenly.. the "QUIZ" (or so they said) became like common test, no reference to books, not done on MeL... done in sch... man!! really kinda get on my nerves leh... like.. as if we kanna cheated.. (bth.. don't say i'm making a big fuss... i am not the only one feeling this way) tsk tsk!!!

this post took me... more than an hour to create man!! hahahahahz.. half way was laughing with celine... -faints- hao le... it's very late liao... shouldn't be online already.. goodnight!!!! i'm offfffffff to bed!!!!

hahahaha more pics coming up.. that time didn't manage to upload some... ahahhaz..

hahahhaa... this one is seriously out dated.. it's from 10th may.. hahahah that momo trip we went...

has anyone realised that all the smiles i had are like.. so.. fake... i hardly can take a picture with a nice smile... i guess... my smile used to be the nicest thing i can ever find in myself.. now? i dunnoe where has it gone? is it due to too much crying? or too much sadness or what????

someone said somehting that kinda... made me rethink about something... well.. lalla leave it till after CT!!

-smile smile?? where are u... come back... i no longer have that "glowing" factor"-

i feel the hurt... cause by several things over the past week. don't know to blame my itchy fingers or what? i jus happen to see soemthing or notice something that i always don't wish to see... but i choose to keep quiet.. coz i don't wanna affect anyone for their CT... but why are u so easily affected by what he had said.. and not what i said... maybe like i say... just friends vs good friends... that's the difference... that's why.. it doesn't make any difference if i've said anything... coz.. i don't mean anything.. anyway! already said.. melinda.. it's JUST FRIENDS.... shut ur stupid mind lah! i feel like slapping myself.. for being such an idiot.. for not studying... can it not go behind my back? i'm v tired... v v tired... it's jus like a play.. a... normal setting.. ppl don't care what u do behind the scene... ppl only care about ur final product that they see... i don't care how much effort u placed in.. coz they can't see at alll...

WHY AM I ALWAYS SO DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PPL??!

i totally hate myself to the core.. no value... not worth ANYTHING... u can jolly well go and die melinda lee. no one give u a freaking damn.. "and stop acting like u are the victim"<--- someone told me this when i was in sec sch.. maybe.. it's true...

i feel like yelling.. i feel like crying.. i wanna cry.... i'm not happy..

hahahahahz... alright.. i'm here to post pics from ytr's wedding!!! hahaha don't ask me how did the wedding go.. the pics will tell u... tsk tsk!! but the first few pics.. are... hahahha "zi lian de wo" tsk tsk!!! hehehehe..


i super sianz.... haven't start studying.. i think.. i'm getting bad to worse... sigh =(

What a ... unglam pic... tsk tsk!!!!

perhaps... perhaps.. all are jus a mistake from the start.. a mistake that took us real long to discover... a mistake that caused so much pain... a mistake that would have not happened at all... must such things happened? yup... i started it again.. but.. how long am i suppose to keep it to myself?

i don't intend to shed any tears today.. pls don't let me drop any tears.. i've got to look pretty and happy tml.. can anyone help? pls don't suggest sex...

before i say anything.....

I LOVE CORPSE BRIDE!!!

alright... today nothing to blog.. been a tiring day.. got a bdae present from my classmates.. thank you guys!! i like it.. yup...

-certain things.. jus pierce through my heart like this... i'm starting to feel that i'm directing my life.. but.. i only directed the part.. where ppl get separated.. not the part where ppl are together... -