28th June 2004

hmmm accidentally pressed 'Publish Post' hehehe ok.. my mistake.. then after tht choir.. i came back home loh... then started rotting til i went out to meet hui fen at lot 1 at 8pm... we went to delifrance.. do nothing.. hahahah! then after tht went to brian's downstair to do somethign as well as to get back my book to print... hehe

anyway.. i rushed back to watch Selena and GA2!!! but concentrate on Selena... watching Selena had brought me alot of thoughts... dead is something tht come unexpectedly... when are we going to die... no one knows.. only God knows... everything is so so so precious... i once asked ppl this qns... if you die tml... wht will be your happy memories... and they could ans me.. wht happy memories? i'm not happy at all! they actually live in the dark side of their life... they don't bother to live happily.. yes, they say they wanted to.. but the bear their hatre (dunnoe how to spell) heart of vengence... i urge all of you to think... alot of things... we wanted to know y... e.g. y you said this, why you do that, why here where there.. but may i ask... why ask why? wht if they tell you their reason... what can you do? shunwen knocked sense into me by telling me this months ago... wht can i do? kill them for wht they have done? y not jus forget about it! practice forgiveness to gain forgiveness... sometimes.. we do wish tht pppl pardon us for our mistakes... let us first pardon them for their mistake.. some ppl wil say... hey.. don't act an angel la... but you are who you are... you do things of your will..not becoz ppl say then u do.. ppl do then you do! y not start living your life happily... accept what had been given to you. though some are hard to accept... believe.. when there's a will.. there's a way.. i experience being took away of my fav things... and it's hard for me. but i realised.. that i was given something even better... never say never.. if you keep shouting never... it's a really never... i'm not joking... serious... don't wait till someone leaves you.. or til you are going to die(choy) then you come and regret...

Faith, Hope and Love. The greatest of these is LOVE -1 corinthians 13:13

start spreading your love... your love and hands.. can create wonders.. give it a try.. never be beaten by failure. stand up again... and one day... ONE DAY... you wil really creat miracle.. and you'll be SO proud... touch people's life... you can make a difference... jia YU!!! i'll also be with you... being Proud of you in whtever you do!

28th June 2004

hmm.. another day had past... heheh was on the line with brian on sat till 2am... talking about all sorts of craps.... hmm sat i went back to band.. they had the band leader interview... well, i shouldn't comment anything la.. anyway.. it's not going to affect me. then after tht... went out with claudia and davina..the 2 mad cha bo... hmm lend my classical classics to Brian.. hahaha! i missed it so much.. eh.. i think i'm repeating this sentence rite.. hahaha

then yesterday woke up at 7am.. so early rite.. then went church.. eek! yesterday got one new man.. i think he's from china ba.. then he sat 2 rows infront of me loh... i was sitting with gace and andris.. then bothmy and andris wearing short skirts loh.. then tht guy keep looking... looking at us nvm la.. but then is from head to toe those kinda stare loh...! EEK! i felt so uneasy. but can't change place in the middle of the sermon mah.. then i told them to change place after the break loh.. then we change to shunwen tht ide.. there got 3 empty seats mah.. then he was laughin at US!!! saying tht we migrated.. hahahahah! kinda siao loh... then nvm... only after we hanged place... we discovered tht the man tht we are trying to advoid has gone home!!! goodness! sianz la... hahahaha then after service.. as usual.. bible class.. then went to eat MAC (me and andris wanna get liver failure) muahahahaha then e reat was in church having the pizza from the kid's party.. heheh they had a party during bible class.. then after tht.. got 'choir' hehe dunnoe whether it's fake or real choir.. so put tht '' hahahah as usual, someone is LATE! hha but ony by a few mins la.. better then last time loh.

but the practice was so short... till1430h only.. coz i think most of them they needa get home and start on their hols homework.. blar blar

hmmm a few days didn't update le...lucky got no 'regulars' reading my page one.. hahahaha... hmmm these past days.. have been in NP for orientation.. heheh got to know my class mate... my class only got 19 ppl eh... lucky liyu also in my class.. but hor.. one of my class mate stays in simei.. very poor things leh.. have to go all the way down to bukit timah...:p but she's doing it for the sake of her future... admire her sia... hmm then monday, i collected my laptop... tuesday then my sister realise tht something is wrong with the LCD screen.. got something called pixcel(dunnoe how to spell eh) then i was wanting to do the 3 days one to one exchange thingy loh.. lucky i didn't go down ar... i called JOS..t hey say needa bring to sch and write report one.. ok loh..! fine! i bring down.. then the ppl at MEL was like.. sorry.. we don't write report one... sigh.. sianz loh.. then forget it la.. don't change le... didn't affect much too...

orientation also sianz sianz la... hmm.. kinda bored.. heheh yay! monday, i no need to go sch..! first week got no tutorials and workshop.. monday, my time table only got tutorial and workshop.. heheheh! but have to go back to AES woh.. mrs pat goh ask me to go.. dunnoe for wht eh.. hehehehehe...

nothing much in particular bout my days... jus as per normal loh... everyday also boring boring one.. i wanna go shopping eh.. but no $$>.. oh ya... from 1st july till 4th july got the legends of the piano thingy... one of the pianist is 92 years old loh.. his name is Gyorgy Sandor he's perhaps one of the most active concert pianist today...and a student of the great Hungarian composer Bela Bartok... and he's the first pianist to record the complete piano music of bartok and Prokofiev... i admire him sia.. i wanna go for one of the concerts.. heheh.

hmm lent my piano classics book to brian today.. i kinda miss it le.. hehehe it had beenw ith me for no longer the one month... i photocopied all those scores tht im' playing before i lend to him.. so tht i can continue to play.. but i only realise tht i forgot to photocopy a no. of scores.... sob sob... i really dunnoe wht my music career will be in the future? will i give it up? or not? anyway... enjoy the rest of your days peepz.!

bored bored bored bored... so sianz loh... rotted the whole day yesterday... hmmm... no place to go.. then stay at home loh.. actually wanna do homework one.. but im' so so so lazy.. end up didn't do anything loh. lousy rite...anyway... thurs.. i went town with ting and shirley loh.. then we went to the heeren's sakae sushi... they la.! ask them to go the one at wheelocks they don't want.. then at heeren's got not much space.... nvm la. anyway... we ate the buffet one.. hahahahah! then got the student price... i tot tht they would consider us for the adult price...

after tht go shop shop loh... ting went to braun buffet to buy one wallet for his BF's bdae.. very good hor... hehehehe if she's a guy.. and is my BF... tht'll be great!!! hhahahahaha... then practically dind't do anything much in town la.. looking for bags and shoes... hehehehehe then went to the macafe at lido.. sit sit loh... then saw cynthnia koh... she's very pretty in real person... oh ya, she's with one of the actors from channel U... the ah ben... dunnoe wht's his real name la..~ :P

hmmm then i jus spent my time on my piano loh... i'm still unsure of wht God had planned for me. i knew he got my future planned... but i wanted to ask.. what is it? i have a feeling.. that my music life is not what had been planned... i do not know who is going to look at my blog... but i do urge all the christians... to think about their faith... i've saw... many ppl, they refuse God... i'm not a devoted christian for your information. but alot of my christian frinds.. they keep saying that their life sucks... why? it's becoz.. life don't go their way... and tht's correct! becoz life goes according to God's will... they told me,'i prayed, i prayed for this and this' and when things turn out the other way... they denied God... and blame him! wht's this? have they wondered... y didn't God give them what they wanted? it's becoz... it's not in God's plan...

some might think... well, y am i in this world? with all those sufferrings... true tht i do complain of tht at times... but again... think... in science, we learnt about reproducing rite? only dunnoe dunnoe how many sperm fetilise one egg, and how fragile is an egg, it's not easy to produce a kid... well, if it's tht aren't easy... then don't tell me tht your presence in the world is a co-incident.. well, NO!!! you are those one in a million tht you mother had tried with your dad.. or whoever... some mother are cruel, give birth and threw their kid away... those are heartless! totally! not fit to be a mother. (well, i can't judge too) but it's becoz you are special and selected, tht's y you are here... in this world... reading my blog... Think about it... i'm not trying to know sense or anything la... but whtever is mentioned is whatever that i'm thinking... we should be thankful.. and not complaining. the opposition meaning of thankful is complaining... *sorry guys... it's a long post*

nonetheless.!!! enjor your weekend!! today i've got cell group...!! hhehehehehe before tht.. will be going town with ai xianz... sharmaine and faith asked me to go their church.. but too bad they didn't ask me earlier.. if they asked earlier.. then i won't meet ai xian le... :p

hmm... rotting at home nia... nothing to do one.. yesterday, had a piano workshop down at my piano teacher's place... she told us tht it would end at 1330 de loh.. in the end? end at 1730.. haiz.. the whole session was all about mozart... his biography... blar blar..then about the tone rows... composing own's tone row.. blar blar loh... oh ya.. and she said tht the workshop is for garde 6 and above de.. then i was like,... hey.. why am ihere those kinda attitude loh.. i'm not even a grade 4 loh... grade 6... eek! she know how to judge??? i only learnt piano for 3 months and 10 days loh..! sigh.. then after tht..went ting's house and rot again...

later also dunnoe wht to do at home leh...rot again??? woke up early in the morning at 9.. to go and eat breakfast with sis at the coffee shop downstair... so full... yet so tired... dunnoe wht's with me leh... everyday also headach.. nonstop one... so pain loh...anyway.. good news!!! andris had decided to get baptise...!! she will speak to uncle pak fook about it on sat... sigh... it means.. grace goanna baptise too...

i was like thinking.. yes, they might be cousins and are close.. BUT... baptise this kinda things.. it's like a calling from God... not a call from cousin mah... jus becoz you wanna bget baptise.. and your cousin is still not ready yet.. then you don't wanna get baptise??? tht's hilarious man. dunnoe eh!!>!... i'm so fan.. sch'd reopening soon.. i don't feel like studying le.. so stress.... can i work? i might as well do tht... and... should i give up music???? WHT should i do?! i'm so vex vex vex

hmmm... update... update.. i think i shall not continue about the camp le la... it's kinda long.... anyway... yesterday... we went to east coast with the aggies... they had a concert in the park.. well, of coz.. the campers... did sing with them too.. it's SO MUCH FUN! then after tht.. the rest, the went to bugis.. but i came home... coz im' jus so tired... and it's not early le.. jus go to bugis and eat.. kinda bored loh.. so i came back and start to do some card thingy for some of them.. actually wanna do some bookmarks too.. but by the time i start doing the cards, it's 9+pm already.. an i'm so so so tired already.. so i decided to do the cards only... only did for 9 of them... then, slpt at 2am.. woke up at 7.30

hmm tht's early rite.. then i laze around at home loh.. till about 8.45 then i left home leaving for Yolk Hotel where our service is held today... today, the aggies are going to phuket... it's another leaving thingy... i have ppl to leave... y must ppl leave? i'm jus going to miss them SO SO SO SO much ok... but i know tht we have to dealing with ppl coming and going from our life.. well, i must be strong... God has the plan for me. and i trust tht He will not Give me something that is bad. i jus have to see what God has for me. well, we sang in the church today,.... you know those feelings.. singing with a big choir... and you see all your audience smiling at you... it's jus so marvellous! AWESOME! then we had break... blar blar.. then harding chorus sang for an hour (1230h-1330h) after which, they sent the aggies to the airport, which i didn't go... i didn't want to.. i scare i can't control my tears... in the end... i went shopping in orchard... but... when i was walking out of Yolk Hotel, out of the sudden... my head jus hurt so horribly. then i bear with it loh. then when i was about to go home then i wasn't tht bad. then went for dinner... then came back. then here i am!! updatingmy blog..!!! hehehe... missed the aggies...

i wanna cry le...

I'M SO PISSED.. i typed a long long entry to put in my blog jus now loh.. then.. whne i click pulish... got error... how stupid..have to retype... sigh.. anyway.. i jus came back from malacca at about 7pm today... i was such a FUN trip.. never had such a fun camp... though it's short,... but we manage to cover ALOT of thigns in the short period of time.. and it's jus amazing to see how we actually can do up certain things within a time frame given...

the first day of camp.. we met at 8am.. at the SIR building (lavender) then we left for malacca at 9am...*whoooohooo* but reach there at like.. 4pm??? coz the second link jam loh... but hor,.. even if don't jam.. also like... 4 hours..!! pls ar..!!! it's like... you can travel to KL with the given time.!siao rite... hehe then when we reach there.. we go to our hotel (century mahkata malaka hotel) placed our bag in the fangipani's conference room (the conference room tht we spent 4 days in)then we played ice-breaker games..t hen spilt ourselves into groups... i'm in the same group as... mark, reid, keller, sarah, bethany, aaron, brian, kun and mandy!!! and we named ourselves as the HUNGY HAIRY HIPPO!!! hehee alot of them thought tht it's my idea to have tht hippo..!! but they are WRONG this time round!!! they wanted to put hippo.. not me..! hehehe.. then we only have a total of 1½hours tht day o come out with our grp name, a banner and cheer.. and i'm proud to say.. all the six groups in the camp manage to do it.!! amazing isn't it... i'm so glad tht i've decided to go for this camp... so much fun...

anyway.. it's late le.. i continue tml ya? hehhee... cya...

IT'S JUS NOT MY DAY!!! nothing went well today... what went well? oh well, only the service in church went well.. still got wht? NOTHING.!!! i'm suspose to be living in my dreams today.. having to perform in a piano concert... but it sucks..!!! ppl said it turn out well, but as a player.. i know wht's correct and wht's wrong.. playing wrong notes are obviously WRONG!!!! i was so damn calm... everything was going so cool... walking up to the piano confidently.. and when i sat down!! OH GOSH!!! everything went numb... mind went black! wht's tht stupid attitude of mine?? it's not a joke.! it's it suspose to be a joke casted on me? i almost broke down... but not infront of the audience rite... i held back my tears... i aren't feeling good till now...

then.. in the noon, my lip bum was lost.. so i went to buy one.. in any case should my mother find out tht i lost my lip bum and starts nagging.. and the new one.. is LOST!!! how great.. well... am i suspose to say.. melinda, well done. can i say.. melinda go and die?! nvm.. one lip bum.. can always buy again... but when i came back home from concert.. i wanna change back my earrings... and guess wht? the earring tht cost 70 bucks!! tht's given for my bdae is lost.?!! wht's the heck wrong with me.. y is the whole world collapsing on me...??

tml going to malacca... meeting at 7am at admiratly... i already don't have much interest on going for this trip... concert is wht i've been praying for.. for years.. when i finally come to be my turn.. i jus.. jus... ruin it! concert... is more impt to me than marriage ok! i don't mind not getting married for music... i'm all prepare to be a convent nun actually. it's a day i've been looking forward to.. and wht is this??? WHAT IS THIS?? i had enough... it's like... not tht i'm stupid... but this music career is really the most impt thing to me... more than money... more then guys.. more than branded stuff.. more than anything you can name... felt really really useless...

Just came back from town... (town again!!) went to town for dinner... at OA bakery.. the food was ok there la... but not as nice as the previous times i've been there la... then after tht go walk walk and catch the 2140h movie.... watched Confession of the teenage drama queen pls hor..!! don't ever go and watch.. waste money... kinda corny loh... but okie la.. :p hahahahah! still got Gandhi one...corny..! no wonder the church youths go and watch also say not nice... lame.. hahahah!

then after the movie.. i went down to bukit timah to eat prata.. hehe jeremy treat us.. heheh then took a cab home with ai xian... while eating jus now.. we saw quite a no. of assumptionites there loh ppl like nicholas ang... louis... wei xian... hehehe then by the time i came back.. it's alreay 1.30am.. hahahaha!

hmmmm kinda bore now la.. though tired... but came slp.. i'm so excited about the sunday's concert.. i hope tht i won't play any wrong notes or wrong things loh.... im' really scare.. actually in the beginning stage.. even till like last week.. i was thinking of giving up.. but i held on.. i really hoped for the better... praying really really hard... i fear..!

i always ask myself.. is this what God had arranged for me. i trust tht i'm in this world for a purpose. He woudn't create me to be a useless creature..i know that he got my future planned.. He knows wht's for me. but eat step i think.. i fear, and think.. is tht wht God really planned for me? i may want most my music career.... but it might not be wht God had planned for me. i'm confused... lost... in this big jungle... with trees... looking for a way out... and i know tht... the only way out.. is to look upon God... he will lead us out... and shower us with his blessings...

i'm back for today!!! hahaha... rotted for the WHOLE entire day at home... hehehe how's my new look? oh.. i mean the blog la... spent my day doing up the blog loh.. hope i wasn't tht bad ba.. it's my first time doing such a thing...

after which... in the noon time.. my cousin from m;sia came over... kinda bored la.. she come my house to rot also... now she's watching VCD... and here i am updating the blog!! *corny* hehehe... hmmm jus pack finish my bag for my malacca trip for monday.. hehe kinda kiasu hor.. hehehe... the next 2 days i won't be at home mah... aggies came over to s'pore.. they have concert at the citivision church of christ.. then later my church mate ask me go.. to indoor stadium for.. the darlene's P&W, i think. she didn't keep me undated.. so i don't know...

sunday morning go church... then have to rush back to prepare for the concert... guess i'll be home late after the concert ba... sacali they got those celebration thingy after tht... grr...dunnoe.. then monday morning have to meet at SIR building there...

hope tht it's a pleasant trip man.... sianz... heard from my cousin tht the hotel i'om staying in is quite a good hotel... but ppl in my church say tht it's 'lan' one.. hehehe

hmmm now a few friends are deciding to watch movie.. all the internet and newspaper cheat one..! their movie times all fake one... don't the real one loh..! kns!!! kind of pissed..!!! hmmm okie la... i try to update real soon.. hehehehe

hehehe... hmmm got ppl see my blog le..!!! hahaha siao!!! hmmmm from may 11 till now ar... got how many days le ar... forgot loh... hmmm... didn't really did anything la.. jus ended my job on may 16th... then started rotting...

then my bdae.. on the 28 may.. hehe though i didn't really went out... but it's really a fun day.. i had dinner with my god ma.. i didn't see her for one year already ok!!! we when to rice table for dinner.. it's really really nice loh... then to fullerton tht side for desert at Baker's inn... it's so nice loh.. over the dinner and desert... we kept laughing non stop.. haven't had so much fun with her for so long... i really treasure it... then during the noon.. i went over to town.. to shop with my friend.. hehe body shop on sales.. i bough alot of thigns... from both U2 and body shop.. hehehe. then after which.. btw the time when i left my friend till i meet my godma// i went down to bugis loh.. to look for shirley to sit sit.. then who knows.. she brought me to buy my present.. i was so guilty loh.. like as if i go to her shop there to collect present.. like loan sharks.. jus tht they go collect money.. i got collect presents.. i don't have tht intention de..~ :(

but anyway.. must say thanks... it's a bdae w/o blowing off candles... and with jus a few present.. but nvm la..!!! hehe... :) hmmm then... oh.. i'll be playing in a concert named the pleasant landscape on sunday the 6june at YMS(young musician society).. heheh so excited.,. kinda irritated by my piano teacher loh... :p but i'm really glad to be part of this concert.. after all i only started piano like... 3 months ago? then concert le... hope things goes well... i'm praying hard for it woh.. hehehe okok.. i shall end here le... gettin tooooo long le... hehehehehehe Take care and God bless