you have broken my heart time and time again. i dunnoe wht can be used to fix it. nvm.. i've stopped dreaming. work for it if u want it. if not... i think.. it's time to let it go. it's hard on my part. but... i won't wanna work alone.. get it? nvm.. i bet no one can understand wht am i talking about. coz i'm not stating names.... anyway.. yea.. i'm awoken... a decision that i might regret.. a decision that i wil hurt myself... i guess.. i seem to be coping well with it. thank God.

what i had today was simply, dry eyes, dry/sensitive nose and a irritating throat.. + meeting some irritating ppl.. + all those politics at work....

after started ITP... i realised so much.. not only that i learnt quite alot, experienced alot too... i realised that wht's impt to me in the past, might not mean that much to me now.. whtever that i used to ignore... i treasure it now... i'm getting weaker.. or rather.. more and more heck care le... hhaha gd news for some ppl.. coz melinda won't be that strict liao. hahaha... but there's something impt that i don't feel like fighting liao... i think let nature take it course le bah.. now then i know tht some ppl are that unhappy being with me. going out with me will die meh? hahaha.. rank this up before liao.. but then i'm not going to go into it. coz i think life doesn't allow time for me to do all this kidna things... there's much more out there that i should be doing... i can treasure a person or a thing like gold.. but he or she might not feel the same way. neither should i expect something in return lah.. coz i give them all those willing.. be it physical or mentally. alot of ppl get stuck in life, coz they held on to something too tightly in life.. and unwilling or dunnoe how to let go... i'm going to let it float... it's either u treasure it or u don't. i do... but if others don't... hahaa... i can still say that i will still treasure them. everyone and everything is jus like a jigsaw puzzle of my life... i don't wanna miss any pieces of it.

things will be so much different after today.. after this hols...

keke... had been working OT on both tues and wed.. didn't expect to work OT.. but whenever i was about to knock off, ppl come and book tour, tour needs more procedure mah... ytr... alias tot me how to do visa (actually write this to keep track.. so that when i do my report for attachment after the whole thing.. will be easily. i jus need to C&P) closed 3 tour package, learned and familiar myself with booking of package... knocked off at 8pm... sigh... train at lavender is forever so slow loh... i was so hungry that i was like.. chewing mentos after mentos.. hahahaz... shiok! came back to see part of my house's wall painted... hee.. kinda shocked lah... not expecting that color to be that obvious. Asked my dad about m'sia's route.. that came in handy today!

reached office ontime today.. business was... yucky today.. day cash sucks.. only got $400+ sales today.. compared to ytr de $1k+ sigh.. nvm.. try harder! was expecting ISO ppl to come in at 9.30am.. but well.. they didn't come in till about 3.30pm loh.. they were at beach room, before hand, i only know that they will be picking ppl random to ask qns... like as if they are the customers lah.. ISO testing ur service quality mah.. so she came... then glenda was taking to her some of our accounts for tour packages, when she came out... she told me "melinda.. ISO officer wanna see u" kaoz..before that, my bladder alr full.. wanna go toilet.. but ISO ppl there.. so dare not.. when glenda told me that she wanna see me.. i almost pee in my pants lah! so scary... bo bian.. have to go mah... she was having that stunt face loh! kns.. scare me... hahaa.. so proceed on to ask.. i shall not go into details, at the end of it, she ask "how long have u been working here"... i replied with a shy face.. seriously shy... "since monday, 4 days" then she was like.. smiling at me and said "wah... like that u passed with flying colors liao" then she asked me to ask the next one to go in.. only 2 of us are being interviewed... out of 11.. i'm so lucky hor?! heng i know bits of it. hahaha.. happy lah.. ISO officer say i passed with flying colors leh.. i'm really flying liao... -fly fly- oops... too fat.. can't fly.. hahah! corny..

no OT for me today.. gotta go for band.. was kinda reluctant to go in the first place loh.. kinda.. not in the mood i would say.. but went in the end.. hahahz.. was slacking around in club house till i "happy" then i went in.. HAHHAZ.... slacker.. tired and hungry then... play like 2 pieces then i finish band le.. went makan and come back.. now.. i'm packing my bag to get ready for the big runway tml! hahahz.. i'm nuts.. hahaha! nothing to pack away.. hahaha.. diao diao diao diao..

-the earlier i slp... the more tired i am... yawn- i'm so happy today

another day had past....
so busy till i didn't realise the time and worked till 7.30pm
handled package.
drowning myself with work.
can't decide what i wanna do with something.. let nature take it's course.
stressed, got reports to write.. and i've yet to even touch it.
nothing will stay with u forever?

ppl lie, they say they didn't know how to express.. but .. u saw that very same person expressing to ppl.. how u feel? don't know how to express to u but ppl? hao lah. nvm.. anything.. work work and work and troubles will be gone... am i a workaholic? yes... work and forget evreything... and time flies to come home and slp. haha.. maybe that's part of the reason i wanna be a stock broker?! they have little social cycle.. life revoles around work and slp? jus like auditors.. few of them i know are like that. hahahz but not all.. heng one for gf le.. ahahah! if not i will laugh at him... it's hard lah... when he used to tell me about stories about his gal not accepting him and such.. hahaz..

i'm tired...
giving myself stress i guess...
brain feels as if it's gonna run out of brain juice soon..
buy brain juice for me will u?
i'm missing u.. where are u?
y are u so cruel to let me wait for so long?

three things..

1) retribution

2) i don't understand how can a man be so sicko to pee in the open (an adult)

3) feelingless....

wht if one day i leave this world suddenly? wht will happen? will anyone feel sad for the loss of melinda?? hahahz. eh.. nono.. i'm not pessimistic la.. haha jus thinking about it.. hahahz not dwelling in it.. im alr feelingless.. how to think?! hahahz..

finally, i'm done with exams... during the course of the whole exams.. i did something that i'd nv imagine myself doing.. so sorry to hui qi.. didn't mean to be such a meanie.. but after all.. exams are over.. and now.. i'm praying hard to be a bookworm.. so that i can eat up all the book the next sem.. geee... fri after paper.. i went to delfi to chill alone... quite fun... haha.. realised how tai tais actually do things.. the wayt hey walk and such.. hahaha.. kinda funny lah.. i always wanna remember that afternoon.. coz that faithful day.. i enjoyed myself most talking to someone.. haha! diao diao! hehehehe... then helped my sister to sign a sintel line.. phone she take.. line my sis take.. haha diao! if i know i sign myself. i need a new phone! my phone is dying on me ah!!

ytr.. went sentosa in da morning with my sis.. geee took pics.. maybe post it some other days.. it's in my desktop! heee.. the sun was damn good.. haha mother nature listened to me.. haha! bleah.. but.. i wasn't really tanned loh. i was red.. that's y i stopped tanning. then come back. i don't even looked tan! only when i shower then noticed the slight tan.. hehe.. came back from sentosa for awhile then left home to meet celine and fish to head down to suntec to meet paige and wendy... then later in the night.. met benedict.. then go town... diao diao.. life is full of ups and downs... oh.. in town met that mr teo loh... he walked past me and didn't realise it.. hahahz.. i was still thinking to plan a joke with him before that.. who knows.. while thinking of it.. he walked past me.. haha diao! heee... reached home at midnight.. did my vain stuff... then my ear got stuck to the phone till 3am then slp! hahahz.. zzzzz woke up at 11+ 12.. hahaha wht a pig! haha.! nvm.. i like.. hahahx

i was reading someone's blog jus now.. and i saw something.. again... well.. wasn't happy about it lah.. i mean... yar lah.. i know it's a joke.. but don't go too far can? am i really that unreasonable that i ALWAYS wins? i think.. only true friends will ans this qns of mine.. or maybe those who dislike me will ans this qns of mine.. but it seriously sucks to see ppl say "aiya.. don't fight with melinda lah.. u will confirm lose de" i know.. and i really know it's meant to be a joke.. but a little far too much when ppl keep yakking about it?! jus like my previous posting about this person keep calling me fat?! at least he stops doing now.. and thanks for not saying it anymore.. i'm not angry... but jus disappointed.. after all i'm jus such a person?! ok loh.. -speechless- hahaha..

hey.. nono.. i'm NOT thinking too much.. it's only day time.. not night time now.. hahaha

finally, i'm done with exams... during the course of the whole exams.. i did something that i'd nv imagine myself doing.. so sorry to hui qi.. didn't mean to be such a meanie.. but after all.. exams are over.. and now.. i'm praying hard to be a bookworm.. so that i can eat up all the book the next sem.. geee... fri after paper.. i went to delfi to chill alone... quite fun... haha.. realised how tai tais actually do things.. the wayt hey walk and such.. hahaha.. kinda funny lah.. i always wanna remember that afternoon.. coz that faithful day.. i enjoyed myself most talking to someone.. haha! diao diao! hehehehe... then helped my sister to sign a sintel line.. phone she take.. line my sis take.. haha diao! if i know i sign myself. i need a new phone! my phone is dying on me ah!!

ytr.. went sentosa in da morning with my sis.. geee took pics.. maybe post it some other days.. it's in my desktop! heee.. the sun was damn good.. haha mother nature listened to me.. haha! bleah.. but.. i wasn't really tanned loh. i was red.. that's y i stopped tanning. then come back. i don't even looked tan! only when i shower then noticed the slight tan.. hehe.. came back from sentosa for awhile then left home to meet celine and fish to head down to suntec to meet paige and wendy... then later in the night.. met benedict.. then go town... diao diao.. life is full of ups and downs... oh.. in town met that mr teo loh... he walked past me and didn't realise it.. hahahz.. i was still thinking to plan a joke with him before that.. who knows.. while thinking of it.. he walked past me.. haha diao! heee... reached home at midnight.. did my vain stuff... then my ear got stuck to the phone till 3am then slp! hahahz.. zzzzz woke up at 11+ 12.. hahaha wht a pig! haha.! nvm.. i like.. hahahx

i was reading someone's blog jus now.. and i saw something.. again... well.. wasn't happy about it lah.. i mean... yar lah.. i know it's a joke.. but don't go too far can? am i really that unreasonable that i ALWAYS wins? i think.. only true friends will ans this qns of mine.. or maybe those who dislike me will ans this qns of mine.. but it seriously sucks to see ppl say "aiya.. don't fight with melinda lah.. u will confirm lose de" i know.. and i really know it's meant to be a joke.. but a little far too much when ppl keep yakking about it?! jus like my previous posting about this person keep calling me fat?! at least he stops doing now.. and thanks for not saying it anymore.. i'm not angry... but jus disappointed.. after all i'm jus such a person?! ok loh.. -speechless- hahaha..

hey.. nono.. i'm NOT thinking too much.. it's only day time.. not night time now.. hahaha

SIGH... my only hope for an A flew away... AAA sucks.. i've got a major big problem with my english.. simple eng i also can't understand... SIGH.. wht to do? pass liao... no more A for mefrom now on.. plus that stupig english mistake.. i've thrown away 24 marks... plus careless mistakes that i don't know?! diao.. good loh.. i'm seriously speechless liao! not motivated for tml's IEF paper.. i still left with so much to study.. wht's more.. it's more like a structured qns paper loh! not at all like those we did in tutorial.. how am i suppose to pass tml?! sigh. -surrender- fri still got FMGT... this week is damn packed... fri finish paper... dunnor if i'm going out anot leh.. sianz.. got appointment with cali gym de ppl at 7pm... who wanna go with me?! sat also dunnoe going sentosa anot.. i don't think so ba.. sunday? night supposingly got activity.. but then.. dunnoe if it would be cancelled. then monday start attachment.. i'm going to have a BORING hols loh... only have 2 days of offically hols... which i think i will jus rot at home coz there's no plans... then work?! sat work... after work band... sunday?! diao... tentatively it's clar ensemble loh.. -speechless-

hahaha... is the camera man trying to see if i know how to take pic properly?! that's me with the cam... =p

wah! seriously not easy to be a bride.. i think one will get their cramps for smiling... for pictures i mean.. hahaz i'm looking through at my friend's wedding album.. one of the biggest nightmare is that u employed the wrong camera man..( like the pic above.. everyone looked so white... diao! hee ) coz u only get married ONCE.. u want it nicely done mah.. hee! hee.. nvm lah.. shhh..

haven't been studying hard... melinda is a SLACKER!! hahahaz.. as usual! went out the past few nights.... sigh.. jus wanna say.. i'm a human with feelings... (it's a reminder) u can say that i'm fat.. not as if i don't know that.. but stop singing it in my hears... i've got my pride and my feelings... don't tell me fat ppl are not ppl?! fat ppl can't do this and that?! everyone's asking things that are near perfection.. don't we?! yar.. so we have ourself to blame jus becoz we are this size?! some ppl serveral times more than us.. also still as skinny as a stick.. y?! coz they have high metabolism rate! jus that we don't have. ppl who know me.. i don't really care about how fat i am.. not coz i like being a fatty... but so long as i'm comfortable with myself. but there's a limit to everything... not when u have ppl harping into ur ear everyday that u are fat... and when asked to stop.. they will jsu reply "i'm doing u good.. drilling u to be -blar blarblar-" thank you for your kind intention. but i've been in this size since i'm 10 yrs old. do i not know myself? sigh... i've alr given a piece of my mind alr... i've got nothing more to say... i'm not hurt by all these.. but irritated by them.. not that i'm not trying hard to get out of how i'm looking now!

How can ppl be so cruel? does revenge mean so much to them? sigh.. ytr got that.. dunnoe wht.. head and limbs found in orchard and the rest at mac reservoir? it's like.. the person who found out the bag must be so horrified loh... but how can the person be so cruel?! head in a plastic bag.. wht has this world become to?! it's alr a sinful world.. and more coming out... so sad.. wht a corrupted world... SIGH

time really flies... 3 yrs of kindergarden... 6 yrs of pri sch, PSLE, 4 yrs of sec sch, O levels... now? poly... how much longer will these kinda study life stop for me? Bah.. at times i love studying.. at times... it sucks. thinking back, for the past 18 yrs... wht have i achieved? actually. quite alot.. though it's not in terms of trophy. i should be quite satisfied in life... though God doesn't always give me what i wan.. but He always provide me with all He thinks i need. The endless test he has given me, and the temptations i've got... alot of times.. i jus wanna give up... but i know.. he will not test me things that i can't carry. Humans do'nt give u assurance.. but God will.. but at times.. it's hard when he's not physically around. was reading this book.. and saw this

topic: Understand your shape

It is this last category, painful experiences, that God usede the most to prepare you for ministry. God never wastes a hurt! in fact, your grestest ministry will most likely come out of your greates hurt.

God intentionally allows you to go through painful experience to equip you for ministry with others. The bible says 'he comforts is in all our troubled so that we can comfort others. When other are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us'

If you really desire to be used by God, you must understand a powerufl truth: they very experiences that you have resented or regretted most in life - the ones you've wanted to hide and forget- are the experiences God wants to use to help others. they are your ministry!

lastly, "Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you"

After reading and typing this... i think i know what's for me. and i kinda found my ans that i've always been asking this person. What i received might not be what i wanted, but it's the best. What i've given out.. it's out of my heart, but not asking anything in return. SIgh.. i should be a nun.. haha.. not becoz i think i can't get married lah... it's other things...

Let Them Hear

I have no words to offer,

They simply get in the way,

When i try to explain you,

There's nothing sacred left to say--

You are who You are,

And You always will be,

So here is my prayer

Let them hear you through me,

Let Your words be mine.

Let them see that Your love

is the reason i'm inspired.

And when given the choice,

May they recognise Your voice,

Let them hear You through me, O Lord.

I do'nt have all the answers,

All i know is what You've shown,

And i'm longing for those moments

When you'll make Your mysteries known.

Till then, I will be

Who you've called me to ne,

So again, hear my prayer

And may i always know

Tha words are not enough.

tell me that u will be with me in whtever i do ok?! to whoever who thinks it's for u.. it's not really for u.. only partially... anyway... i made a 2 big choices today.. i hope it it's the correct decision ba... -praying hard-

went to sch to study... hee.. saw wendy and jas they all.. hahaha but they weren't together lah.. hee.. i was studying with peee and ben... till about 4 plus then peee left for elsewhere then brian and ben went for hair cut... zzzzzz.... and i went town then after.... wah! woman really fickle minded ar.. my sister stand infront of the cosmetic section for like 45 mins? more than that ba... i was like.. hmm.. wht's so nice.. hahahz.. then went to PS de times bookstore to buy her book... hee.. think she's in a good mood today.. she let me read it first.. it's a make up book lah.. sigh.. i was thinking.. time to change imagine liao.. grow up le... alot of things i wanna do... one of them is to get rid of specs. sighie.. dunnoe whether i'm walking on the wrong path.. wht if i make a decision to know ti's wrong... ahahz... OMG.. can't imainge.. i think i've changed big time.. BIG BIG time... maybe coz sister's influence ba...

i dunnoe wht to blog.. i know i'm nuts liao... EXAM SUCKS.. i haven't really study.. i'm going to fail..yay!!!.. anyone joining me?!

i hate myself.. i don't like bring pessimistic.. i don't like being stupid, i do'nt like being dumb.. who will be here for me when i need them? i do'nt want to see things fall apart.. but it seems that i'm making that things fall apart.. NO.. i don't wanna let go.. how? alot of things i said.. but i don't wish it happens... take me away from this world...

sigh. i think i like got alot of experiences hor.. hahah.. ytr went for FMGT tutorial.. i woke up at 8.40pm... slowly wash up, slowly choose my clothes.. even on the phone with my friend loh.. then wht?! i reach sch at 9.30.. hahah fast rite? don't ask me if i took a cab... i took a bus.. hahaz! i was good gal.. i went for tutorial leh!! hee.. after that.. came home... slack.. till 5 plus then went out with leen to bugis.. hee. THANKS leen.. thank u for going out with me.. though i didn't manage to find wht i wanna buy.. i enjoyed ur company and had funs.. sorry if i've tempted u! hahahz... i bought a TCP top!! haha.. finally.. i own one of TCP top.. i wanted their top since young.. but it's always kinda ex.... seiyu had sales on them.. hahahz... whil broswing though the clothes.. i suddenly felt a slap on my butt.. of course it's not leen playing lah.. coz she was within my sight mah.. so i quickly turn back and see who molested me.. then i saw this young kill... walking away in a fast speed to his mom... i was like damn shocked lah.. y he slap my butt.. then i his mom ar.. like damn stunt lah.. stare at me.. then stare back at her son.. and know wht? she didn't even apologise for her son's behaviour.. oh anyway.. the kid look like 3 yrs old.. sigh... it was a bad experience.. but was kinda funny lah.. now i think of it i also laugh. i'm getting numb to all these..

Ytr went sch for IEF... expected an extension of lesson liao.. but then.. nv did i expect it to extend from 1pm to 3pM! hahaz.. bo bian.. waiting for ppl to do work... sigh... anyway... that 4 hours tutorial seemed so short... and something happened in the middle that made my classmates laughed ytr... there's this guy in my class that quite a no. of ppl don't really like? coz he's gross.. so potato (my IEF tutorial teacher) asked him to ans a qns... quite sometime past, he didn't ans.. the next thing, i hrd potato say, "Kian liang! stop digging ur nose and ans the qns."HAHAHHAHA the whole class burst out in laughter! i think he also smiled smiled lah... aiyoyo! he was caught in action! ahahaz.. after lesson, went to do confirmation for spanish project and then..wait for leen and head down to town to meet peee.... went to shop around... hee.. had dinner at KFC at cine.. actually town is a REAL boring place.... unless u got something to buy lah.. hahaha..poor peee... was not well last night... so we went home at about 8pm... leen and i was about to cross the road at specialist centre there when we saw soemthing that made us laughed... kinda mean lah... coz there was this blind man... but he don't look blind.. coz he stared at mefor very long... and he wore a watch.. the watch is not those kinda watch for blind ppl.. i've seen one and know how blind ppl feel their watch.. so i know that wasn't the kinda for them lah.. then straight away.. the green man was on.. and he crossed! i mean.. how did he know?! leen and i were stunned! and a few more funny things after that traffic light.. hahahz! leen's bus came and she went on first...

i was standing at thebus stop waiting for my bus.. and there was this uncle, suddenly like bum into me.. not bum like. jus stand next to me lah.. OMG excuse me?! it's like... his skin was "magneted" to my skin like that loh! fine.. then i was alr on my radio liao.. so he requested me to take off my ear phone.. so i did lah... then he asked me... eh.. "171 goes to yishun?" i replied "yes". then his face infront of mine, looking at me and asked "are u a chinese?" and i replied "yes" then he told me, i left my ezlink card in the other bus.. blar blar blar.. say he took 190 from china town to town.. so i gave him my coins lah.. then he was saying not enough.. well none of my business.. then he went on asking where i stay... smart enough.. i told him CCK.. then he was like "oh.. west side ar.. i stay in the east.. i'm going to yishun for blar blar blar" then went on to ask where i'm schling.. wht.. so on and on.. i was scare... was holding on to my phone too.. so i quickly miss call brian, celine and liyu.. hoping one of them call back then i can be busy on the phone.. 2 mins past.. nothing happened! i was scare lah! then heng heng.. brian called back... so i jus tell the man i got phone call then i took up the call and told brian i've got to hang on to the phone... DAMN lah.. i was standing there for 15mins when brian called.. y 190 haven't come?! thoughout the phone call.. the stranger stood behind me. then 171 came.. i was lighter... coz i tot he will board the bus.. coz he said he's going to, and hell no! he did not! ARGH.. scare scare scare! then brian was like at the other end of the phone telling me to take any bus to another bus stop and change... but.. i was like.. nvm.. but soon after.. my bus came.. heng heng he didn't follow.. for a moment when the stranger didn't board 171.. i tot he's going to follow me... wah liao.. if brian didn't call me.. i bet i will pee my pants and cry there... so ya.. thanks brian.. hahaha... sigh... y such things happen to me?! it's super scary lah! this yr is a bad yr for me.. fell down dunnoe how many times.. more scars for me... and some bad experience.. and this! sigh... not as if i'm like revealing myself loh... ytr i wore long sleeve.. jeans and court shoes loH!! sad and worried.. wht's happening...?

and Finally! today i've finish my all presentations for this sem... was kinda screwed up.. i didn't know wht's happening to me that all my presentations sucks! ARGH.. i don't like it! anyway... yup.. presentated during spanish lesson... woke up early today... so.. decided to start cooking wht i needed to cook for my presentation w/o waiting for my projectmates to come over.... wanna be fast mah.. so i did loh.. hahaha.... but in the end.. i have to wait for them to come coz i need olive oil! hahahz... yup... my IS mates tried da food.. oh oH! i haven't say wht's that ar.. it's tortilla espanola it's spanish omelette... basically, potato and onion egg... ahaha.. i cooked.. and tot that it doesn't taste any diff from my mom's onion egg... but my teacher commented that i was as nice as the one she ate in spanish.. well well... is she only entertaining me? haha.. do'nt care.. i'm going to take that compliment.. hee... as the food was going around the class, my teacher keep wanna eat.. hahaha maybe pregnant lady hungry le ba.! hehehe.. but she says its nice.. hahahz.. okok.. how many times must i repeat?! hahhaaz... finally, i've finish my spanish module... actually, it's quite an easy module.. jus that it's very naggy.. 4 hours lesson for a language is way too much... no one can absorb so much de loh.. wht's more.. every week also got test... today alone i got 2 test and one presentation! sigh...hahahz... and know wht? anyone notice? finally for the first time after CT, it's not raining! hahha.!