why has he changed so much? or have i not seen this side of him. i suddenly feel like a stranger to him. the person whom i deemed understood me most, actually understands me the least. yar.. i dunnoe... becox of that.. i had mixed feelings... alot of them.

i suddenly feel v hurt.

I am FREAKING ANGRY.. no matter how good things can be ytr.. today or later.. i'm freaking angry.. i can't stand ppl like my sister.. what the fuck is wrong with her.. she think about it lah, when she's slping, i wake her up to ask her her IC no. when i can get it from her wallet.. will she scream at me? will she ask me to wait till she wake up? DUH!! wtf lah! ccb knn

i don't like scolding vulgarities.. I REALLY DON'T LIKE!! but she don't be so fucking ridiculous can? so wht my bro's HP bill under my name.. she wanna cancel service, go and do it herself, my B.C is on the desk, IC in my wallet can't she get it herself?! don't come into my room and wake me up! i told my bro, he jus can't recall so? i made an effort to even tell him when i'm aslp, i didn't jus throw my temper! and what? she nags "mummy go and tell ur daughter... blar blar blar" yar lah yar lah.. i know the family like her the most lah... she likes doing this alot? complaining infront of my granny and dad! sucker u think i will give u face? u ARE WRONG.. i don' think i'm in the wrong. if i ever to wake u up and ask u something and u ans me.. i won't treat u that way. not when u treat me the same way bitch! and she claim wht? "i wanna cancel she don't wanna give me her IC no. she pay ah" this angers me most.. for the first month my bro got his phone till now, other than the first month's bill.. FOR WHICH BILL HAVE I NOT BEEN PAYING????!!! she don't take things for granted hor! tell me she no money then i squeeze out some. then i no money to pay bill? she will say "your business". fucked up lah! the service is $4... and i paid at least 10 per month.. if she carry on her freaking attitude, i'm going to get back the money, wtf, dare to say i nv hair?! how i wish i can slap her face! my wallet is lying there on my table SO DARN nicely, can't u go and take and see?! DOES SHE NEED TO COME TO THE EXTEND OF WAKING ME UP?! ask her to slp at 3.30am, she would most prob wakie at 2 or 3 in the noon! i wake up at 8am!! can't i nap awhile?!

Where do i stand in this house?!

my day ytr was kinda affected actually..somethings happen in the morning.. so.. yea.. my day was filled with worries.. at first tot i won't fall into it.. who knows... -pulls hair- keke.. lets not talk about the paper i took ytr man.. i look around everyone's sentence is jus so long... bah! and mine? bleah...

i tot the person was angry ytr... on e way home after meeting haz and leen, smsed him (he was in KL), surprisingly, he replied. and it continued till 12 plus.. when he told me he was back in Singapore. lalalala.! i was so happy. but.. will be back in KL tml =( booo! now then i realised that when u are on the plane, you can sms. and he claimed that he lied in his smses earlier that night in order to give me a surprise... lalala... keeee... got out at 1am... heng heng.. told some lies to get out (melissa and matthew, if u read ah... keep your mouth shut!) sigh... will only return on the 2nd.. and be flying off on the 6th again... only returning on the 10th... wah! k fine.. bleah

i wish ytr time doesn't pass... stop there...! there and then..

hmmm.. jus came back home... sigh.. i think i'm really a baddie lah! anyway.. yup... looking at my phone, with a sms coming in.. i was so excited... hahahz.. to see it was from ting.. keke... rare one though.. since there's no dinner at home.. we went out to makan while she needs to do something at plaza... we never fails to act stupid and laughter will always be there... so stupid.. hahahz... but.. yea.. had fun

slacker is here!! lalallla!!keke...! i'm falling in love with K330.. i'm falling in love with him.. i'm falling in love with so much things... who loves me back in the end?! ahhhh.. say u say u!! i wan u to say u love me....

i was playing my piano when i suddenly had a mixed feelings (i didn't copy brian hor) about wht.. u all slowly find out...

hehe! darn sickening lah! my friend and i had been talking about things. then we found out that we've got more and more things in common.. ahhhhhhh!!!!! stop copying me!! hahahz.. no lah.. joking.. dunnoe y always so qiao de... Bleah!!

and my cough is getting bad.. sigh....

i hope history won't repeat.. say you love me...

for now.. i dunnoe if thigns are going in the right way. i've nv felt this way, how did he manage to do it? i don't know. are things going to work? i don't know. what we can do is... to walk on....

i also don't know what i'm doing is right. jus... happens this way.

once again, Ginny Owens has nv fails to bring songs that are close to my heart. "Let them hear" "without condition" and now "i know who You are"

::Brian::
i wanna see a smile on ur face soon... you'll work it out! Pray to God. ask Him to show u His way. Know that he's always there for you. and that he will never forsake you. He knows what you are going through. You are his precious child. and You also know, that He will provide you with the shelter u need. He lay the path.. YOU choose the path. no matter where you goes.. he follow. He'll never let you get hurt. TRUST. things will be alright soon my dear boy... cheer up! *smiles* I'm sorry i can't do anything to cheer u up... i don't know what i can do either.

::Mei Mei::

mei mei! i went back to the office ytr... but... u alr finish work liao.. keke.! =P

Some people hear my words

An think i'm waise beyond my years,

and others wonder if i am sincere

some would say i'm foolish

to put my faith in you,

and some would say i'm wise because i do

as i consider all of this,

all that really matters is

[chorus]

I know, I know who You are,

And the way You stir my heart.

And i have only made it through so dar,

'cause i know, i know who you are.

some say you are the only truth,

and some say you're a fraud,

some think that we invented You

some call you God

some say you were a noble man,

very kind and good

some think you were a prophet jus misunderstood

but i'm content to always be

a witness to your mystery--

[ bridge]

an even though i've never seen you face

i have heard you calling out my name

i'm missing you.. are you missing me? sigh....

i'm missing alot of ppl.. ALOT ALOT... i was visiting blogs of my friend's... i realised, how much i miss them. i wanted to tell them i miss them alot... i wanna be with them.. there's a fear in me now... i've found a solution jus have to face it. i dislike exams! y must things happen before exam?! good luck to my papers.

monday, i went out with han han when i went to trumpet praise and saw the CD i wanna buy, costly, and so i dind't. my mood was really bad.. and i intend to do something to make myseld happy, i went back and bought the CD.. thank GOd that it's still there.. her CDs are like darn rare. it's either u get it.. if not... no more... coincidentally, veron went to that shop today, and saw the CD i wanted.. when i came back home... she told me about it.. keke.. and i was telling her "i assure u that if u go back tml.. the CD is not there le.. coz i'm the owner of that CD now" keke!

A million of thanks to Haz.. for brightening my dark days. i don't know wht we talk about.. jus talk talk and talk...

i woke up, feeling lousier than ytr... when i woke up, there are only 3 things in my mind.. and the revolve around the same thing. No, i didn't have any dream ytr, so it can't be related to that dream. I'm on a losing battle. i can't see the light of hope, it had totally shut me off. but in my heart, there's a small lil room, that's still holding that flame of hope. i thought it's gonna go off.. but it's not, it's disturbing me.

and now, my brother is being a sweetie pie... one big morning.. he used his friend msn to talk to me.. and asked me y i look so sad... and even offered to pour milk for me. ahhh. do i look sad? i don't even feel sad, i feel odd. bah! i hope there's someone out there who can cheer me up! and... yup.. haz, thanks for doing that.. =)

Wait... i will... i jus don't know how long will i have to wait. it might not even happen in this life time. it's gonna be a long wait... 3 years have past, how long more?

2nd post of the day.. i'm that bored.. yes.. i'm at home.. in my room, but i feel so out of place... though i'm at MY place...

what can i say... jus.. out of place..

yar... and i'm freaking irritated by the fact that i can't play piano. this is a home.. with 2 tv.. and one freaking piano! so.. when there's someone at home i can't play piano? why have piano in the first place?! reasonable to me?! i'm jus like a freak! yar yar... i'm always different from whoever in this family, they are all so wild, so sociable... wht about me?! i'm jus so spoilt... got piano.. someone who only listens to classical.. yar.. wht a freak lah... yar.. they got all sorts of friends.. wht about me?! none... who the hell cares?! i'm willingly gonna sell that piano if someone wanna pay for it.. i see no point for it. 1) i'm not talented 2) it's no point if i have a piano at home and can't play. 3) i'm so not motivated. freaking ass, whenever he school work is not good, who gets the blame? ME! freaking hell! sorry.. but i really don't see how much i should be responsible for him

i'm jus like that for the past 2 days. a part of me seems to be leaving.. and yes, it's exam time again... each time exam draws nears, something will always happen to make me darn sad... and this time round.. i already know wht would happen, it's sooner or later... whtever it is... i wish that nothing change... though something will definitely change, i already can feel it. pray for me. for strength and good health... both of them are failing me.

bleah! my throat is killing me... wht happened? there's no screaming from me.. bleah.. maybe from KTV and clubbing.. it's making my day upside down! voice didn't change.. but it hurts.

what's gonna happen? can it not be that way? tell me, as long as it's not that way.. i'm willing to do.. EVERYTHING.. but i know, i won't and can't be there always.

Melinda, take it easy, move on, forget about everything...

tired tired!! though 5 hours is kidna enough.. but i slpt at 4am! i thought i would wakie up later than usual, who knows, it's normal timing! why can't be body alarm clock be flexible? =p

went clubbing ytr.... @ MOS... bleah.. with... charmaine, jas lim and paige... i've learnt from their lateness le! suppose to meet at 11.15pm, but i only reach jurong at11pm! keke.. oops! bleah! everything was darn nice... dance, song.. oh.. but i dislike the R&B, i like the retro part... DJ at R&B sucks! bleah! alright lah... reached at 11.45 like that.. dance till 3am with charmaine's friend whom co-incidentially are there. hahaz.. knowing that it was my first time.. they were a lil protective... =P




keke.. the pics aren't clear, taken from my camera

i know i'm going to do something VERY wrong... but.. i'm still going to do it.. may i have no regrets.. somethings can't be explained

on 2 different occasions.. this particular person gave me something darn ex... i always wondered... how come she's so willing to spend it on me... and now.. i think i understand, because i'm something she cared for, someone whom she's concerned about, otherwise, who is willing to spend up to $200 for jus a christmas for you?

i think i really know now... same goes.. only ppl who are dear to me... whom i really am concerned about... i will do that. but will they appreciate it.. i dunnoe.. i hope so.. keke.. =)

i remembered wht i did last Vday! =x coz qi qi was down.. in order to cheer her up.. i've got a ikea the hrtshape pillow.. tied the hand to some flowers that i've bring together... fake onces of course. and gave it to her. and she likes it.! bah!

i'm darn tired! for doing nothing much! woke up late today... went to bank before i head to bishan to meet ching ching... yup... went to bishan for only one darn shop.. i really like the leather pencil case since secondary sch le.. should i buy? BAH! sigh.. hai shi bu yao lah... so ex.. i only left with one more yr of school only. sigh.. i will and would bear with it de! keke...

and... next time i don't wanna shop with ching le! tempt me to buy so many things! everywhere is having.. S.A.L.E.S! bah! m)phasis, little match gal.. blar blar... keke.. hui xin joined us only later... BAH! and i left early to meet han han! haha.z. i can't recall wht i did with her liao.. i was darn tired.. i dunnoe why i'm this tired too! met grace, andris they all as well... grace was like a lil shock to see me.. keke. had a great time going out with han han.. she bought alot of things sia.. keke.. oh yar! her blog hor.. copy me de... :P BAH!!

i'm darn forgetful today... i walked downstairs le.. but can't recall if i locked my door... alot of things i also can't recall.. sighie..

i wonder.. in what ways am i not better?! *sob*

bleah!... i was sitting infront of the tv on this lazy sunday.. was reading all my old blog post... so different. it's definitely a different me. bleah! not this pesismistic laa... wht has poly did to me man?! hahahz.. jK! i can't blame the poly.. jus different lah.. i jus realised one post i had... that was like "i've fell inlove with *****" and i'm wondering who's the *****.. hilarous loh... bth! i was laughing at it myself. i was wondering who was it.. trying to recall.. bah! and how i used to praise God.. now? he seems to be futher away from me. boo!!

i found all my passion... but... it seems to be in a certain industry.. i've got an urge to dance again.. i don't wanna give it up.. i'm v happy dancing.. i can still remember the days.. even if we are darn tired.. nag and nag non-stop.. we still danced... ahhhhhh... though it was quite pai seh.. coz we have to do certain actions and such.. think of it, it contributed to the gracefulness i had at times.. (er hem! only to those who thinks i'm graceful lah. but i'm still a tomboy gee..)

i have a few wish... can i dance again? can i play well in my music? can i do my hand crafts better? and.. can i score well?! bah!!

weet! fireworks again! had a lazy morning, went for band, then.. out! bah! went to marina.. haz wanna catch the first works, found a place to sit, talked crap and took pics. haha! bah! dunnoe why.. initially, there's only the 6 of us, then after that... so many ppl came.. peee and lee went off early... keke.! after which, went swenson's... bah! i don't wanna open my mouth le.. always kanna shoot by haz =( keek.. joking..

i'm so tired... post pics other days

ups and downs... these few days.. becoz of IS project... then meanwhile.. something had been going on for quite sometime... only qiqi and han han knows.. thanks gals.. i understand what u all mean.. and this is hard for me. it's not gonna be easy... what u all said had actually been in my mind for quite sometime actually. i know i'm considerating other factors that are totally stupid. i know i have to end this and move on. *sob*

am suppose to go out with han han today for glenda's present. she changed her shift to ME.. and in the end.. dunnoe who she's going out with or something.. she cancelled it.. seriously, i ain't angry.. but i'm sad.. i almost cried... lucky jasmine was at my place.. if not i will. we've been trying to go out since last month or something? =(

and! i'm so proud of myself! haha i influenced jasmine and qiqi! oops eversince the album i did for brian.. i'm so into it. that's gonna be my next in thing other than paper quilling liao! bah! jasmine accepted my idea of doing up an album for her bf for Vday, however, her album is those she buy de, mine is i punch myself de.. she came to my place at 11am to do... used all my materials and such.. well, i'm glad i can help her! bah! hui qi was kinda influenced, but she was saying that since her bf didn't get her bdae present.. no Vday pressie for him. keke.

also... apologies to Brian... sorry, made ya come all the way here... really really sorry.

i'm happy! i've finally cleared my darn IS project! and my teacher said all pass... *phew* in my opinion.. everyone really did v well.. ecp for one.. anyway.. yup! of course i wasn't happy solely becoz of this as well lah... i went back to office today!! bah! and who i saw?! mei mei and mama! hee.. :( glenda's kinda cold to me le.. dunnoe if she's busy or wht.. but i always miss her, mei mei and mama... when can i meet them again?! seems so long.. don't even know if the company still wants me this naughty gal.. keke! bah!

weeeee! i found my acid free paper... done wht i wanna do with it.. and gave it to who i wanna give it too. but why doesn't it seems happy? y the mood like monotone de.. sigh... all i hope is it see a lil more joy... bah! nvm.. anyway... yup.. spent hours on it... i didn't know that i was so good with crapping. i love the first page of my work... and the signature i left there... but i jus remembered.. i didn't take a picture of wht i had done... it seems like i've parted with my work.. when will i get to see it again? hahahahaz.. *drama drama* but seriously.. i'm missing it...

am i a cut for all these kind things? i don't think i'm creative.. but i like doing it.. ahhh! i like the joy i see in the kids' face, when i used paper quilling to make a heart for mother's day 2 years ago, all of them were wanting to have it for themselves.

and... i'm expecting 3 red bombs to come in soon for march! it's only starting of the month.. and my expenses alr amount to $363 i think it's the most i spent within a few days in my 18 yrs of life.... hahaha lalalallalala...

i wish.. one day i will also be as happy as those ppl i've been seeing the past week...

darn! i slpt at 2am ytr.. and woke up at 3.40am.. GREAT! dunnoe y like that.. anyway.. today was a day that flew really really fast! i was darn tired.. but the day still goes on.. went to town to celebrate brian's Bdae despite the chingay thingy was really troublesome loh... anyway.. we went to hardrock weet! Hard Rock Cafe rocks my socks off!... before that went to buy some stuffs. let pictures show u how we spent the day ba... haz was a lil out of his mind today... siao siao de.. hahahaz..

geee... this is the menu of HRC!!and guess what? soon after taking our order.. this is wht we saw.... -noisy-Mr teo unwrapping his first pressie.. from siaw chin and me.... -kinda excited huh?-then he gets happier when he unwrapsafter finishing one.. he moved on to another one... leen's gift!it was a Tee and a book.. and guess wht's his reaction to the book?

bah! pissed liao.. i actually blogged finish le.. but then... blogger siao.. only let me recover like half og them?! forget it le.. blog tml or somehting.. so glad brian enjoyed himself. but i'm still pai seh over the card... sigh... =(

i really wish to let you know... but sadly... i can't... it sucks to be like this. no one can taste this...

anyway..

Brian... Happy 18th birthday!