i'm unhappy again...

things i may heard.. things i may seen.. hurts me (a lil lah.. not that drama) in one way or another.. i think i'm not good enough again.. nv good enough..

i wish i had those things i heard... i tell myself... so long the other is happy... doesn't matter... but at times.. i wish i had them... but i know.. i'd nv have them.....

i haven't cry for so long.. (though only like.. 2 weeks laa) over things.. but not studies laa...

my friend says... my happiness shouldn't be dependent on one person.. i should forget about it and walk on... perhaps...

*i've nv seen u so enthu with things pertaining somethings..*

-leave me alone-

WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN?!!!

at times... or rather, most of the time, i'm jus this.. impatient... i also don't get why... i'm jus impatient... i wan i wan i wan!!!! don't ask me what i wan.. i know.. but won't say it here... faintssssssss

can one week pass faster?? what's there for me??? give me homework can?!

i wanna my confident and comfortable in my own skin.. but why can't i? or is it becoz i'm in a society that is jus... narrow?

i don't like the way i am... and not confident in how i look....

sat noon... rotting at home... oh.. how i LURVE it... love it to bits man... boo hoo hooo... freaking broke since the thailand trip.. sigh.. gotta adopt to the broke life again woh...

*any sponsorships?* tsk!!

sighs... i'm bored to death.. tv programme on sat is also so boring.. isn't there anything nice and fun?!! goodness.. faints... -roar-

-ROAR- sianie... exams are over.. i don't like the effect of after exam.... during exam, you work like siao.. after exam, you slack like mad... man.. what am i to do?!

sigh.. one week to attachment... gonna be back working part time this week end... sigh..

i'm speechless.. before blogging.. there's alot of things i wanna say.. when i started... i dunnoe what to say... sigh..

i'm really tired... exhausted.. didn't had a goodnight's slp...

SIGH

HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO PASS?!!!

i'm jus useless.. hopeless... can't even take such a small test.. can't even study such simple things properly... what is the brain for? wht is everything for?

i'm gonna see how i fail.. how i'm gonna be stopping my attachment to return to sch to study... y can't other ppl be such a good kid.. and i can't... why must i be so darn useless?

other than being a fat ass.. what can i be?

no body...........

this had became such an ugly world... has things got out of hand? travel fair, too dirty, fireworks, ppl misbehave.. what is in their minds?! is it so hard to abide with the rules at times?! does it kills them to do so?! one dustbin v hard to find? u wanna take the leaflet then u jus jollywell be responsible for it! find the nxt dustbin and throw it.,.. don't jus randomly throw on the floor!

i dunnoe what's wrong... seems like nothing is right.. perhaps things jus don't go smooth becoz u are talking about melinda.. and it involves melinda... some ppl may be attractive... but they are still unattached... some ppl may be fat and ugly.. but.. attached... it jus works this way... no one can help whether they are attached or not.. what's more.. when u are attach.. ur world is jus u and ur bf.. what else?

i discovered the ugly side of things. karma to me? perhaps... sometimes... ppl jus need ur ears.. u jus need to shut up... when u had me.. i'm sure u only had my ears.. becoz i dunnoe how to comment much on ur stuff... when it comes to me? what is this? nvm.. i'm always given a death sentence.. since when am i given something nicer?!

DEATH SENTENCE.. SO BE IT!

i can see the difference now when u say.. that u won't try for it anymore.. i don't blame u.. becoz i can't... i brought it upon myself... perhaps... it jus marks the difference... i can only say.. serve myself right... serve u right melinda yup...

my pri sch mates.. all say i look like auntie now.. while most of my friends says it suits me better...

honestly.. i'm tired.. it's not the first.. it's not the second... but why is it like that?! before anything happened, it's already like that.. it is so difficult to tell ppl "hey.. u look a lil nicer" or is it really hard to say that to ur good friend? ahhh.. perhaps.. my nonsense comes again.. i'm jus a ... hi-bye friend... ohH... ic.. anyway.. it was made clear.. i'm not going to get anything which i "expect" well.. doesn't matter.. jus a lil.. disappointment.. won't kill... it's not hurting me.. not affecting me... almost immune to it...

i'm looking forward to attachment.. so i can be all busy again.. then.. maybe... i won't be stuck to a single person.. will be busy and not go and disturb ppl... yup.. lalalalala

*roll eyes*

-faintss- i'm still no where through my studies..

one paper down... what is gonna happen next? studying mood is not bad yet... so... yups.. all the best and good luck to me..

i've got my green esprit watch le... all thanks to Ryan... love it to bits...

nothing's been going on...

Melinda's moral and confidence is falling once again...

has everyone turn their back on me? i felt that i'm all alone again...

perhaps...

can't wait for exams to be over...

i know things won't work out.. but u dont bother to put urself in my shoes.. i'm not throwing my tantrums.. but if i don't care.. i wouldn't care if u walk away from me... i don't know how to tell u..becoz u are as sensitive as i am... (but i'm more sensitive lah) you've got me wondering... inevitably...

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-ROAR-

boo! i regret going thai.. i wanna buy my green esprit watch............ ROARRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i wan i wan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway... jus read something from friend's blog.. kinda sad.... mixed...

i'm still half way through my studies.. what have i been doing? i dunnoe.. ARGH...

I WANT THAT WATCH LAHHhhhhhhhhhhh =(

i can see my transformation.. i know and aware of how i've changed... appearrance.. rather big change i guess? or not? dunnoe...

reason for change? -keeping it within me- ask and i may tell?

went to watch Click with some friends... quite a touching movie... cried... came out of the cinema with red eyes.. towards the end of the notice... i was telling myself.. "quite a nice movie.. later go home i wanna tell this friend about it.." to only realised, that he's only 2 seats away from me.. which means.. he's also watching with me lah... reason for that? dunnoe...

-ROAR-

this displayed my best photographic skill.. for ONCE... was a fluke... but i love this picture... ferries wheel...

*let out a big sigh*

i've yet to start studying... must it always be like this? when i'm gonna have exam.. things must happen?

liking someone.. is not something that anyone chose... but.. why it that that i'm so bad luck?? whoever i like.. doesn't like me.. well... i'm jus stupid.. plain stupid... loook at me... fat.. ugly... blemish face... tell me which blind guy likes...

went out for ramen... ate alot today... i'm getting bigger and bigger size as day goes by...

i'm not a gal.. who freely express herself.. as what i've done on certain topics/ issues... i feel like breaking away... why can't i be a pretty gal? why can't i be a nice gal??

i wanna be a quiet gal.. i wanna be a lovable gal....

lies are more hurtful than anything else in this world... i dunnoe which are lies and which are true...

i feel like sighing.. i feel like crying still...

i'm still not yet ok...

i think i changed alot... more bitchy.. getting from bad to worse... i find myself really ugly in that...

i didn't wanna chase... i didn't wanna know.. i wish i could close my eyes... and jus blindly walk through. can anyone help me with it?

i feared... memory is failing me.. everything starts to fail me...

why ain't ppl around me happy...

i'll give anything to change for a smile on their face.. really...

what has a 6 days trip done to me? disconnect me from this world?

Melinda is not happy... v unhappy... v v v ....

Mel tried to be optimistic... but she can't now.. she dropped her tears in the public... she is useless.... she still feels like tear-ing now...

can't life be easier? i don't enjoy yelling here and there... it's embarrassing... i wish it jus didn't happen. why does ppl work their way to get what they want without thinking about other ppl... jus becoz u don't like it?

yups.. maybe karma... coz i also work and slog my way through.. but i've gave up working my way recently...

i feel that... i'm not a nice person to be with.. suddenly.. i dunnoe why i've got ppl going out with me.. are they forced to? i dunnoe... why do i complain about not having anyone to go out and yet i'm saying all these?

i don't feel like eating.. but i'm hungry...

sometimes it's really easy to say things.. but.. really hard to do u know... things are getting hard on me.. jus that i didn't say it out.. no one has yet to know... but u made it a lil harder.. i'm already full of troubles.. not unneccessary ones.. its really infront le... it's not easy to walk on this life... i feel like giving up so many times...

Give me the strength lord... i need strength...

hmmmm... dunnoe why i'm awake so early in the morning when i'm tired... BAH... a sms woke me up actually =x

dunnoe what to blog.. jus blog for fun..

BAH!! right... and i'm back from BKK... but.. has anyone notice my disappearrance?? doubt so.. -ROAR- right.. first... WHO SAYS BKK IS A GOOD SHOPPING PLS?!!! BULLSH*T!!!! it's not.. i only bought... 2 tops.. 1 bottom, 2 flats, and 2 heels... considered lil liao loh... ppl can buy THAT MUCH.... well well... ahahahaha... nvm lah.. i had a fairly good trip... the fairly good comes from the days i met up with my thai friends... those are short 3 days... they might be days that i don't talk much.. but i really enjoyed the time i had with them... bleah.. but the rest... were pissing... i would say.. this trip, is a wasted trip, i could have bought more... went with wrong ppl..

well.. eat sharks fin till i burnt my hand.. met with a minor accident... the way the tuk tuk drives is really like the james-bond advertisement... SUPER 'wei xian' (dangerous in chinese). and.. by the time u get out of the tuk tuk, if u blow ur nose.. u can see that all the nose wax is BLACK in color.. no.. i'm not being drama.. but it's true... at first when my dad was telling me about such things i tot he was being drama.. but now i believe man!!! it's true!!! hahahahahz =x weather was v good to us then too... =)

less than 24 hours, i'll be in the sky... flying over to a land where there's alot of... CHEAP stuff... yups.. Thailand, Bangkok. time difference: 1 hour lag... lalalalz.. one thing is.. i'm gonna be glad that i'm able to meet my friends there... thank God for that. it was a coincidence that they happen to be at BKK from a few days ago till the 8th... so.. yup yup!! i'm not entirely excited for my trip actually.. coz i know i wouldn't buy much. nothing much to buy.. no more tees for me.. becoz.. i'm not gonna be enjoying poly life? no point having tees. no more big bags... and i am not the kinda accessories kinda person.. so what am i left with?? SHOES!!! yups!! SHOESSsss =x

gonna miss my friends and family...

i'm still pondering.. where do i stand in this world? like.. no where... nothing i said is accepted.. nothing i did was good to them.. what's good? i gave up.. i didn't choose not to care.. but have u all given a damn on what i've said? most likely jus listen through one ear.. and out another.. or maybe.. becoz i spoke in profound english..

thank you tingz.. i was so unhappy that i told ting everything.. nv once fail to listen to my sch problems and such... like i've mentioned in post-s long ago.. she is my really good friend... no need to say anything.. and things are understood... even things i told her long ago, she can seem to not care about it, but the next time i see her, she would ask me about it.. we were talking about it... why didn't we both do the same, get into the same poly.. and such... if only we were in same poly, same class.. life would me so much different. we are ppl who are from totally different world.. she's ah lian kind.. and me? those that u know lah.. whtever comes out.. is vulgarities most of the time.. (verbal abuse... TSK!!) but we still remain where we were... sharing so much in common. needless to explain my sentence, she understood it instantly what i meant.

good or bad news... either her or brian will be the first i'll inform.... and i'm proud to have them as a friend though i'm a rotten friend lah.. =x sorry... u all don't know how thankful i am to have u all by my side...... yups...

BAH... MFS MFS MFS!!!!! -fainted- hahahahahhahaz.. so sick of it... lectures... still need to read all the slides.. it's like.. one week got 1 lecture + 3 slides... so.. how much do i have to read?!

right right... hmmm.. what's next? oh.. thurs.. tourism test! argh! alright.. so be it.. gonna read through.. i also dunnoe when will i have the time to go and pack my luggage, each time my sister walk pass the luggage, she would jus nag at me.. then i'll jus ans "tml i got exam, you study for me?" and she'd jus laugh.. such a meanie rite?! i'm going looney too lah...

however, it's inevitable for me to feel a lil worried. there is that amount of fear in me each time i travel. jus like... the last time i travelled for 8 days, to thai, 3rd day i already a lil home sick.. this time round.. i think i'm gonna miss more than jus home. bleah... haahhhhahz

well.. all the best to myself for test and my trip ba.... ciao