I'm going to post something that is kinda close to wht i am feeling.. but.. not exactly... but i'm loving the song.... it's entitled "i know him so well" from chess the musical by andrew llyod webber i think...

"I Know Him So Well"

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally,

Perfect situations must go wrong,

But this have never yet prevented me,

Wanting far to much,

For far too long,

Looking back I could have played it differently,

Won a few more moments who can tell,

But it took time to understand men,

Now at least I know,

I know him well,

Wasn't it good,

Oh so good,

Wasn't he fine,

Oh so fine,

Isn't madness he can't be mine,

But in the end he needs a little bit more than me,

More, security, He needs fantasy and freedom,

I know him so well,

No one in your life is with you constantly,

No one is completely on your side,

And though I'd move my world to be with him,

Still the gap between us is too wide,

Looking back I could have played differently,

Won a few more moments who can tell,

(I was just a little girl)

But I was ever so much younger then,

(So much younger then)

Now at least I know,

I know him well.

Wasn't it good,

Oh so good,

Wasn't he fine,

Oh so fine,

Isn't madness he won't be mine,

Didn't I know,

How it would go,

If I knew from the start,

Why am I falling apart?

Wasn't he good,

Wasn't he fine,

Isn't it madness he won't be mine,

But in the end he needs a little bit more than me,

More, security, He needs his fantasy and freedom,

It took time to understand men,

I know him so well.

me and fish.. in such an unglam post.. haha i laughed at this pic.. don't think straight..
squeezing into one single bed.. hahaha i'm falling down.. of course lha.. fat mah..
hahaha. ended the night with FOOD!! hahaz thanks to ching's mom who went down to buy for us

More pics on this outing will be coming out.. haha haven't get allyet... geee

hahaha... celine helped me with this.. heee
and this is me with celine!!
adding in wan ching...
and the whole banch of us! from top left: celine, me, wenday, ching, vid

bottom left: Jasmine lim and Charmaine

Melinda with wendy!!
Jas lim... act cute sia..
tht's the majority of my class... all the gals are present except for aisah... hee

The above pics are all taken ytr!! hee. when we went far east ramen ten to celebrate yu's bdae... geee

took it today when we are at heerens.. hahahz! BAH

Got a new hair cut today.. it sucks loh! kns! eek! don't like.. though my friends say it's wht? younger, nicer, retro, better? but still.. i dun like leh.. went to xin's place after, then to sch... for ITP briefing then to town for makan to cel yu's bdae... nothing much today... i haven't clear my feelings since sat... i mean.. i hate it.. it sucks.. been crying myself to bed these few days.. i don't like.. i mean.. who likes being sad?! like one of my friends, ok on the outside.. hurt on the inside.. HELLO?! u got damn lots of ppl waiting to care about u.. not me alright... thank u celine for being there.. sorry ppl if i'm in a foul mood.

NAIVE.... it's a word describing me and some ppl?! feelings aren't good.. hahaz.. my postings are all getting pessimistic... but i really think im being naive... ppl change de lah! u can be seemed impt to them for a period of time only.. wht happens after? no longer impt loh.. so wht u are impt to them?! they don't even give a damn about u! SICK OF IT! ARGH

jus came back from wan ching's house.. hee.. took some dumb pics.. hee.. before going to ching's house... i met up with celine and fish at KAP de bus stop... fish good loh.. late! hahahz.. but we still reach TPY early lah.. so early that we can sit at the hawker for dessert.. hee.. actually hui qi reached ching's house le.. but ching need to come down and pick us.. so she have to go along with ching.. so she was like.. "complain - in a joking matter" about the cab fare to go ching's house.. hahahaz.. jas lim was on time for once loh.. but everyone fly her kite.. all go ching's house straight when we are suppose to meet her first.. hehehe.! played games... and took pics... laughed laughed and laughed.. hee.. did enjoy myself.. thanks guys.. hee.. oh yar.. we played this game.. twister.. i tell u all ar.. if u all happen to play this game... do warm up first loh.. if not ur body will stretch till cramp! ahahahz! fun fun.. dinner was like... good.. everyone can't finish food.. and we were super full! hahaha.! we wanna give ching ching money for the dinner coz her mom paid for it.. but then she discovered it.. and told her mom.. so we took back de money le.. booo hooo! when i get the pics then i blog for u all

Blogging while playing games.. i'm stuck in a game of solitare showdown on MSN with leen... but well.. i've finally won today.. normally i lose to her de.. boo!

No, my feeling are no where better since ytr... i don't wan this feeling to get into the way of my exams.. i dunnoe y.. i shouldn't be too shocked by the truth.. cause u have mentioned to be before, but i am... i myself don't understand why i have such feelings... are u that impt to me...? if i have a choice to turn back time.. no.. i won't choose this path.. it's hurting me.. tearing me into pieces.. i don't wish to be a strong gal anymore.. i've got to numb my feelings... exams are coming soon... it can't affect my studies... i alr suck at it. tell me wht to do... thanks celine for listening to me.. thank u even more for not saying that i'm thinking too much.. coz i really do'nt think i am. i jus can't pick myself up now... it's like.. i dunnoe how to describe...

i don't feel like going for gal's gathering later.. i've got no more mood to go.. i dunnoe wht i want now.. it sucks... end this for me can?! FYI... i'm not fighting with anyone.. nor am i in a relationship.. don't anyhow assume.

Ytr.. went for band prac.. but with that truth in my mind.. i don't feel like staying till the end of band.. throughout the whole band prac.. i've held my tears back.. not concentrating in my playing.. yes, i might laugh.. but i'm not happy about it..

after band, went out with a few band mates. to only realised that i'm the only gal.. other than another 95% woman.. but still.. 5% of him is guy.. lalalalz.. went PS.. then to bugis to meet my other friends for dinner at sketches.. hee... left my friends and went to makan air with my band mates after dinner... ate so much air that i wanna puke when i got back home. like i've hoped... i got back home late.. at 12.01am.. which means.. less time infront of the computer... then i won't get reminded of some other things..

i wanna scream, i wanna yell, i wanna throw things... i'm not happy!

how i wish u know wht's happening... but u won't.. u might jus avoid it.

I'm more or less confirm about something that i've in doubt for very long.. i'm very speechless now... The truth hurts... i wish i don't even know it.. after upteen times of going to the same website.. i didn't notice that heading... till today.. y can't i jus miss it like how i did the past few times?! it HURTS.... take me away... bring me out of this... how i wish this is not happening in my life.. but i always have the bad things in my life... come and bring me with u... truth sucks

words can't express the feeling i have inside.. and no.. nothing happened.. hee! has anyone wondered how wonderful is it to be alive? to be perfect as a whole?

i doubt anyone has noticed anything around them... or maybe.. they will say i have too much time.. but y are we always showered with all our bad memories and pessimistic thoughts.. or even school stress.. indeed we are sinners.. but i don't think life is all abotu suffering that much. How many days of a year.. some one noticed the greens around them.. and felt that they are blessed. coz we are given everything!

i always grumble that my life sucks.. coz i do'nt have this and that.. blar blar blar.. till yrs ago.. i met someone.. who played a part for my life.. without him.. there won't be melinda... he taught me confidence.. and how to look at things from the different perspective...

call me mad.. haha.. but normally while going to sch, on the bus... i will look at all those tress and landscape for a very long time.. and i feel happy... smiled even. sounded nuts.. but i think.. it's really a mircle for all of us to be here.. to see the green... everything.. no, i wasn't born in a rich family, no, i wasn't born in a perfect family, and no, i do'nt have a happy childhood. indeed.. a difficult journey.. but well, i'm not standing here alone... coz i know whoever who's taking time out to read my post also do not have an easy past... it seems to many of us that...saddness comes easier than happiness... but... how many times.. have we put ourselves into ppl of different places, background and think? us being singaporeans... seriously.. i find it very very fortunate... i tried to figure out... wht will become of me if i'm living in m'sia... most likely, like the rest of my cousin, will only last till O levels.. which is their SPM. i tried to figure out.. and it's horrible.. and wht would it be like.. in places like.. thailand? vietnam?! i think.. i really dunnoe wht will melinda become loh...

Who doesn't want the best... who doesn't have problems? but it's jus a journey of life... to make u experience more... and gain more.. not to bring you down.. take a moment.. to quietly think about it... everything around u... if u tell me u have no time.. tml... don't make "no time" as an excuse.. i used to be that way... "oh.. busy.. no time lah". think of it.. there's alot of ppl.. hoping that there's still a tml for them.. but.. some times.. they never live to see that moment. i seirously also don't know how old will i live till..

there's nothing hidden in my post.. jus that.. i dunnoe y.. i felt that everything is wonderful.. well.. it's a crappy post also.. i dunnoe wht i'm posting also.. lalallalalala... and HELLO?! i'm not thinking too much.. some ppl jus like to tell me that i'm thinking too much

i think ytr was my happiest day in the week ba.. hee. i woke up feeling so so happy.. dunnoe y also. weirdo... went sch for IEF... damn fun.. suppose to be the last lesson, but coz we can't finish wht we wanna do.. so next week got extra lesson.. but well.. i will go willingly.. hee.. i'm loving potato more and more.. haha! so fun. skipped lecture AGAIN... to come back and do my spanish project... wanna send to teacher.. but then mail kanna bounce back.. then nvm loh.. later if she ask me where's my slides.. then i tell her i sent but kanna bounced back.. hee!

Sigh. i'm disliking spanish more and more.. it's 4 hours lesson.. hello.. who can absorb so much in 4 hours? and it's 4 naggy hours.. the class room is damn cold.. and it's boring.. teacher will shoot u anytime.. it's like.. SIANZ lah.. she won't let us off earlier... ARGH... wrong choice... i always make wrong choices de! BAH!!

these few days my house like gambling den.. hahah! that's a little to "kua zhang" no lah.. my grandma's here.. so everynight can hear all the mahjong sounds... at times i jus have to admit ar.. it's noisy... .. oops... =x

While playing piano jus now... i suddenly remembered something that my friend had blogged in his blog sometime ago. well.. though it's sometime ago... i think he's still troubled or pestered by it lah.. and.. now.. i think i know wht's he trying to say.. well! i do'nt wanna make wild guess la... SIGH.. i dread for thursdays! got test and LONG classes.. irritating! y can't i be in better IS classes?!

haha... whoever who wanna ask about my MSN nick name... it's only for FUN... i jus suddenly have the urge to put it.. haha not referring to anyone else.. ggeeee i also got no idea who i'm referring to if there's really such a person.. hee..

Sad - why am i feeling this way?-

hee! alright.. today's day wasn't bad.. jus that i didn't have enough slp ba... hee! and BOO.. my sister found 8 straints of white hair on me! she was like "WAH.. u got so much troubles ar" well.. she don't know.. coz we seldom get to talk.. if not.. we will jus yuk yuk yuk none stop.. and at times.. i felt that i'm the elder sister when we're talking.. heheeh.. well.. i think it's not very nice to let age affect out relationship ba.. hee... sister roxs..!

oh oh..! and i pronunce that i'm offically "attached" wanna know? nah.. don't tell u.. shy... 23rd augest 2005! remember woh... none of us can forget k?! i love u darlingssssssssssss........... madness.. -shy- blushing liao lah.. heeeheee.... OMG.. so excited...

heard something from my friend jus now.. so pissed. excuse me loh.. when ppl help u... pls.. don't point middle finger... u wanna point.. point it openly.. i might as well u show ur anger at the friend than to show ur finger cowardly... sigh..

I'm pissed! since ytr night.. where one of my project group ppl started complain about his work load.. and yet.. he's watching soccer.. and hui qi have to stay up till 3am to wait for his work.. and wht? he gave crap work! and dare to complain all our work.. he didn't come and ask us and make assumption.. hello Mister.. i know u are very good lah.. u can get good grade.. but so wht?! we alr agreed on somehting and u dind't listen.. then too bad.. even if u wan something.. u didn't reason with us.. now come and point fingers at us meh?! say we dind't tell u... didn't give u things how to do? hello! your mouth is for wht?! fun?! where's ur initiative and ur responsibility?! if we dind't give u cannot ask is it?! since day one we have agreed on one thing... and u didn't hear or whtever reason u give me.. i don't give a damn... everyone knows loh.. u didn't even clarify! when ppl repeated the points... u say ppl repeated.. hey hello?! i think u are the one repeating loh. grow up and stop pointing fingers lah! of course a business plan presentation is to wear formal.. which of our presentation don't wear formal other than FMS? then u don't have formal also our fault?! hey.. wht the hell u treat us as?! u want to complain.. give me some alternative.. u don't come and complain these with nothing! and when ur work is not done well.. no sub heading! which teacher accept.. i hope mr see does! FREAKO! becoz of u, i've got to skip lecture and reprint things. yar.. maybe u will say i can don't do that.. do i look like one who throw away marks?! WTF! inconsiderate guy! so whtever u did is big deal... ours are nothing?! HELLO! gals can do wht guys can alright! ARGH... PISSED with u.. u give me some other reason still nvm.. give me stupid reasons suchs as u watching soccer at ur friend's house till 3am? hello! bloody hell lah! u know u got ur project.. friday we are suppose to compile.. u say u can't// FINE... sat then... and YET.. U CAN"t.. wait till sunday.. still 3am! jasmine lim had been SO kind to compile and do ppt slides... don't treat ppl like idiots can! &^$%$#&^)*

can't be anymore angry! hell! oh.. and know wht? i'm attached to a tour agency for attachment at beach road.. HELLO!? i'm a bit not happy about it lah! i go there do wht... banking student leh.. not as if banking students big deal lah.. but.. wht will i be able to do there? it's adding oil to my anger... alot... good loh.. my friends go bank i go tour agency.. i hope no more ppl can be as suay as me! ARGH! can something happen and turn my night into a beautiful one? i don't like this freaking feeling of being annoyed, irritating and angry! SUCKS! i hope ensemble won't add into my anger later..

it's so early in the morning -yawn- i tot i would over slpt... but then.. no! i woke up before my alarm rang.. which is 7.09am.... gonna have a presentation later.. need to wear formal.. SIGH.. troublesome!! hot sia.. and now.. i'm a little down with slight cough. tonight still got ensemble.. SIGH... BAh...!

lets talk about ytr.. -think think.. wht i did ar..- haha i'm trying to act stupid lah.. Booo.. hmmm... i woke up superearly.. not really early.. 9plus... stayed at home to watch tv and complete my project.. heee around evening, met up with peee they all to go to rah's place to celebrate sarah bdae... initially i was kinda disappointed that only a handful of us are going.. but 'm eriously glad that all her friends can make it in the end.!! yay! hahaz.. our aim is to give her a surprise loh.. hahahz so we went over to her place to "do nth" (bad eng lah) with brian.. till her friends come while i was sitting infront of my lappy trying to burn sarah's video. i don't wanna go much in detals lah... if not i will talk non stop... yup.. so.. rah got her surprise from her friends... coz she didn't expect them to be there... and and.. she CRIED!!! not really cry lah.. but at least got tears come down lah.. hehe! my aim was achieve.. to make her cry... tears of joy.. not sadness ar..! yup... and that's all i've got for my night le..

wht's gonna happen today? i dunnoe.. i know i'm going to screw another presentation up... as usual...

HELP ME!! look at the time now! i slpt at 12 odd.. and woke up at 2.14am.. y?! not coz i woke up.. coz i got gastric pain.. and now.. the gastric pain is getting into me that i totally can't slp.. and know wht?! i can't even get off my bed to come to my com jus now! help me help me! it's killing me.. y like that?! b/f, lunch and dinner, i ate them ALL! at a regular timing... it's damn pain... -mummy...-

i've said a super big lie today! i think the person will know after reading my blog.. sorry my dear.. i didn't mean it.. but i didn't know how to tell u... sorry sorry!

Anyway.. i woke up early for ensemble.. only to reach sch and see yuri, daryl overslept, thus fauzi went to help us open da door as he's also in sch for the yellow ribbon project thingy.. while waiting for him.. yuri had a bad feeling.. all the members weren't picking up her call.. and we decided to go canteen 1 for b/f since i haven't makan... after we return to the band room... yuri suddenly facer very black.. then i learnt that today's ensemble only have the 2 of us... sighie... so.. well.. slacked and played at the same time loh.. got bad throat... since ytr.. got a feeling that i'm going to be sick soon. well.. as usual.. had band. nothing much.jus that i'm kinda happy with my playing today.. YEAH!! hahaz... at least i played decently today!

hahahz... after that... (this is where i told a big lie) i went out with rah, peee, leen, greg, the andrews and brian (better mention his name.. later he come and disturb me for not doing so) we watched da maid.. hahahz.. ok lah.. i was kinda scare loh.. hahaha pay money to scare the hell out of myself loh! hahahz. i was like.. super gluing myself to leen like 3/4 of the movie.. SCARY! hahaz. now my hand got blue back.. when there's scary part.. leen and me will "bum" into each other.. haha.. the effect and such was nice. hahaha but the storyline can be better! well.. then something happened.. that i can't say.. but i'm affected by it... -mummy... help me- sigh.. i hope someone understands wht's going through me... it sucks to keep it to myself.. it's not something that's very glam for ppl to know... and i scare ppl will cast judgements when they know... aiya... i'm lost.. this kinda tings happen again and again.. i'm fated to all these meh?! sicko! sigh.. i hope tml will be a better day... till then.. see ya..

hmm.. jus realised that i didn't blog for days! hahahaz.. lazy and nothing much to blog anyway.. my life story.. who's interested?! hmm... these few days are all spent.. not wisely... and not wasted.. dunnoe wht also... been slacking, slping and doing projects... BAH.... sigh.. don't ask me y i sounded so kns now.. coz i'm feeling very disturbed from wht happened last night... jus can't sort out my thoughts and not thinking well... ytr.. it's a thur! as usual.. start sch late... had spanish test, then went for band. Nothing much.. jus play play... but ytr i was kinda satisfied with myself.. for being able to side read better.. i really really really really hope my side reading would be better.. it's so.. disappointing not to loh.. after band waited for peee they all to do something. went supper at mac, by the time i reach home it's already 12am? then watched superstar de results.. hahaa do'nt get the wrong idea.. i don't watch super star de.. know it coz a few of my friends talk about it.. ok lah.. seriously.. no mood to blog now... blogging jus for the sake of blogging... blog other days... tata sorry to whoever is reading

i'm back online.. after church.. hahah caught up with quite a no. of friends in church today.. haha! but there's one person.. whom i wanna talk to and i didn't.. and she is.. my god ma.. sigh.. i think it's the biggest mistake of my life.. in this course of like 18 yrs? i didn't know wht i did right... it seemed that things i've chose.. are kinda.. not correct... well... i'm not being pessimitic lah.. don't worry.. haha! jus a comment.. alright.. this biggest mistake... i think... ppl who reads my blog only sarah and brian knows ba.. it's about my confirmation God mother... well.. she was... a... or rather.. my sec sch teacher.. whom in fact became a friend of mine.. then Godma.. don't ask me y i'm friends with teacher lah! i don't mix well with students but teachers.. so ppl always say i'm bootlicking... lalalla! k.. so... i selected her to be my god ma.. that was in.. may 2003? yup... before "engaging" her as my god ma... i actually asked myself if i'm making the right decision... so.. alot of evaluating thingy loh.. i did tell her my concern.. and got her assurance... yup.. so i went on with my decision.. till. after i took my O level results... then we seldom talk alr... even if we see each other online... and the next time i saw her was during may 2004.. during my bdae... where we went to the rice table and one fullerton for dinner... till then... we hardly talk till now... thus.. each time i go back to st. mary's... i was hoping to see her... but.. each time.. i see her mom and her bro rather than her... i prayed... seriously... i didn't wanna give up this relationship.. it took me quite a long time to put this down... till now.. though i've alr let it be a past of me.. i wish to see her again.. or at least.. can we like... catch up? she had broken her assurance to me. once again.. wht am i to her? i love it when in the past.. whenever she sees ppl.. she will proclaim that i am her god daughter.. and the whole world will know.. even to her husband... Bah. yup.. and so.. today.. once again... i prayed... pray that i will see her again... and i did! i saw her.. right infron of me.. i was talking to bella. and her with her hubby... i wanna call her.. but something held me back.. and now.. i'm regretting.. to keep a relationship.. it's a 2 person's job.. not one... i have to play my part too. but y am i acting that y when i'm not feeling that way? but i'm not going to rant about it.. coz at least i'm satisfy to know that she's well and good... i sucks at relationships.. when will i get to talk to her again? have she forgotten about me? hello.. she's not nobody to me.. and excuse me.. i'm not a lesbian. i'm jus a gal who treasures...

the greatest gift in this world is to love.. and that's the only thing i have i guess.. is to love... but. it's to love with no strings attached... give.. and not asking anything for return...

2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; 5 it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; 10 but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. 13 So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13: 2-13

alallla.! my lappy almost died on me jus now! phew.. it didn't... and it's alive now.! tada! Bah! finally loh.. after like.. 2 nights of irritations... hahahz!

Hmm.. ytr suppose to got for the esplanade beautiful sunday thingy.. in the end didn't... went shopping with manda and rah instead... not really shopping loh.. we sat down for like... 2-3hrs.. chatting... *yak yak yak yak yak* but before that.. rah and i met azre.. hee.. was kinda fun seeing him again (he had a very nice belt.. i want that too! hahaha).. sat there to catch up with him till manda came loh.. heheh! oh yar! i bought cookies! like. after so long of not eating them... haha! after that... met up peee, leen, han, andrew, brian, bea and shin for fireworks... ytr was the last night of fireworks fest, theme for was french... the fireworks was super super nice loh... it's like... soft soft, gentle gentle de... it's like.. so nice lah! i dunnoe how to describe loh! it's romantic in a sense... haha.! NICE NICE... like meteor shower.. (is tht the correct spelling?). i jus stood there quietly to enjoy... hahaz. though it's only a 15 mins show... but.. all the climbing is worth it loh! haha.. took some pics.. i shall post later.. it's in my desktop..

lucky my sister was in a good mood ytr.. let me use her desktop whil she's slping.. if not.. i can't do my projects... she don't like those typing sound when she's slping.. so whenever we use her desktop while she's slping.. she will scream at us... hee..

didn't had enough slp.. but still woke up before my alarm rings.. BAH... did my stuff quickly.. and off i am.. in front of the desktop and my lappy... and the phone of course.. with the singnet man.. sigh.. the first time i called... the man was kinda helpful... but still.. i can't get connected.. so... i called again... this second man was damn rude lah! he blamed all the things onto my lappy when i did nothing! but still.. he helped me.. both the man are so contradicting loh... the first guy asked me to check box A.. and the second guy asked me to uncheck box A... cute hor... then i was super late for lesson.. lesson is at 9.. i left home at 9.15am... took a cab.. duh... was about to slp during lesson.. still moodless.. dunnoe y.. everything felt so stranger to me.. coz maybe i'm not that well lah.. even projects things i didn't wanna have much say... wht's with me man?! sigh.. came home early.. called singnet again.. finally! they helped me to solve my problem.. but actually.. one more addition step compared to wht the previous 2 guys had instructed me to do..! hahaha! nvm.. as long as it's back.. if not i will die.. my desktop don't have MS office..

Bah! not going for ensemble again tonight.. i bet yuri is kinda pissed off with me le.. it's the second week i didn't go le.. but this week i really can't go... have to go church later at 8pm... boo! guilty....

things had changed... when will i get back the "melinda"?

ARGH! things aren't going rite today.! ARGH... i'm breaking down soon liao.. i can't stop thinking about something.. and my laptop can't access to internet.. wth! wht did my sister do to her com?! why can't my laptop access to internet now! smart lohshe.. run awau to malaysia... SIGH... argh! sigh.. i dislike ymself for being soft hearted.. each time i am soft hearted.. i hurt myself even more... and i seriously hate that... i'm going nuts... wht's more.. i heard something.. and that something is good enough to let me ponder though it's meant to be a joke.. when is someone true and when are they joking? sigh... the might be joking and be true at the same time... i don't like all these feelings lah! headach!

i've finially finished my ECD test.. but not my project... went back home ytr after paper...woke up at 7.30 after 5 hours of slp.. it's auto de... not alarm clock call... thenw ent for band... today.. i met someone from YCK.. wht a co-incidence... it's always nice to meet ppl whom u have met before... well.. hahah.! bah..!

i'm on the verge to cry now... everything is turning against me... WTH.. can thigns be better and kinder to me? i've got nomood.. totally no mood bye... i wish i will not return..

Brian, Johan, me, Chin Yan and greg.. don't we look like waiters and waitresses?
heee... i love this pic.. hahaa...

i'm suppose to be in sch.. 'im suppose to be studying.. and wht am i doing here? being a lazy pig.. i think this sem i'm going to do horribly... sucks! i woke up early to study.. and to attend lesson... in the end.. i decided to slack at home and receive warning letter... WTH.. i can't stand it... tired... sick of lessons.. who's not rite... till now.. i'm still slacking around... haven't pick up my notes and study yet.. i know i'm going to regret this decision of mine de loh... again... am in kinda of a down mood... i dunnoe y... i woke up did my stuff.. everything was ok.. then suddenly like that... went to "abuse" my piano.. and felt lighter... haha.. poor piano of mine.. hee. how i wish today's paper is not diff and i get it over and done.. i think the lecturer siao one loh.. say wht.. if hte qns is 10 marks.. we need to write about one page... for my goodness sake.. wht she think we are?! type writer?! we are using hand to write leh.. not use com to type leh... BAH...

Ytr.. i went band.. ahahah again.. i was supposed to be at home studying.. spanish is getting more and more fun and tough at the same time.. i hope i can cope with it.. i sucks in languages... hahah! i realised ah.. under academic stress.. i play better during band loh.. haha! nonsense rite.. at first i was kinda hyper.. but towards the end.. while playing the last piece.. i was like yawning my way.. and my mind is like.. "off" mode liao.. haha! after band went to makan in KAP... and came home to realised that my notes are actually incomplete.. wah kaoz loh! i'm alr so tired liao.. then realised this kinda things... sighie... wish me luck man... BOOooooo... i'm feeling down.. and i am still down.. when will i recover?!

Beatrice, Me, rah...
heee.. i dunnoe wht's this.. i call them ppl who "fly" down
Sun set at esplanade
hahaha.. no need to say wht's this rite..


FIREWORKS!!! nice.... slowly enjoy.. dind't upload all







Beatrice and Me.... hee.. i love this pic..

mood now? moodless.... jus moodless... since after fireworks...

i woke up at 10.30am.. finally i get some slp... continue studying from where i stopped ytr... AAA.. chpt 3.. it's killing me.. and finally.. i'm almost done.. then i remembered.. it's MCQ.. it's NOT going to be so easy.. i didn't know wht to do... i know i'm not studying enough.. but i see the notes till i'm sick liao.. how?! i read through at least twice le... sigh... tml going to read through again nia.. i hope potato's lesson is cancelled today.. i didn't mean to curse her.. pls take MC!! this week is going to be a real shitty for me... i think i'm going to skip AAA tutorial on fri liao.. i do'nt have time to study for ECD... thurs still got spanish test... sigh! stress stress!

today.. channel 8 had this show.. about this child.. who's a prodigy in violin playing, and how he was a child who was being "discard" at the train station with a violin and his "father" picked him up and wanted him to learn violin... was a sad show i must say... then after that show.. later in the noon.. there's this show.. very dumb one lah... but yet, funny... after which.. went out to meet bea and brian at citihall then to join the rest who alr met up earlier for the fireworks. climbed all the way up to the bridge... nice nice! but it was kinda affect by my mood.. coz i'm thinking of something.. if mood was turned off.. thus... compared to the one i saw during the NDP rehearsal with peee and leen they all.. i think i enjoyed that one than today. after fireworks, went suntec for makan then home sweet home...

i'm having popcorn phobia now.... geee... had a nap jus now.. woke up at 6.30pm thinking that i was late for meeting my friends... to only realise that i'm meeting my friends tml... not today... so blur.... heee.... watched tv.... had been long since i last watched that 7pm show loh... my mom's friend came over for mahjong.. so i can't concentrate much.. and my bro suggested watching movie... so i agreed... hee.. i have a wonderful bro.. he treate me leh!!... got 2 other friends to come along too... went lot 1 to watch Charlie and the Chocolate factory... it was so damn nice lah!! hahaha.. but then i kinda get annoyed when the man keeps singing and singing.. but overall.. NICE! hehehehe...

On the way to Lot 1... i had this conversation with my bro

Me:"hey boy... if u looking for GF.. will u look for those who are pretty and got nice figure?"

Bro: " i think it's the first thing i'm going to look into"

Me: -damn disappointed- "wah.. means if u meet ppl who is like ur er jie like that... means out liao lah? no figure no looks?"

Bro: -trying to make me feel better- "no lah... doesn't mean that got figure means.... blar blarblar"

i can't remember the rest already... but seriously... was kinda shocked by that lah... but can't blame.. he's a guy... that's wht a guy look for.. Bleah.. he's kinda surprised y i asked that too..

i had another conversation while walking back too! i mean.. of course it's full of conversations lah... jus that... it's not something we always say de... while walking back... we were trying to guess see if my mom's friends are still at home.. so my bro told me that before i woke up from my nap.. my mom and my bro had a little talk over dinner...

Bro: "mom.. where are you going to play mahjong later?"

mom: "at my home loh"

Bro: "huh? helen also coming ar?"

-for ur back ground info.. this helen person is freaking rude... she scolded my mother stupid jus becoz she didn't get the tiles she wanted and that the tile my mom threw allowed ppl to win... my mom was so hurt by her words-

Mom: "no lah... she's not coming?"

Bro: "haha.. later she scold u again?"

Mom: "no lah.. if she scold me again or my friend scold me.. your er jie will pull her long black face at that friend one... she will be angry"

wah! i'm that fierce meh?! wth..!! everyone scare of me?! weird loh... sigh!!!

-yawn- i didn't mean to kick a bad start for my posting.. but i'm really yawning.. it's only like 3pm now loh!! know y i'm yawning?! coz i wake up at 4.30am!!! sigh... i didn't have good slp since friday loh... no matter how late i slp... i will wake up before 8.30am... irritating.. my body can't take it...

before i start... apologies to our mr teo.. coz i spelled wrongly his name ytr in my posting.. haha! i spelled his name briang... so this time.. i'm going to spell it properly.. it's BRIAN... hahaha.! he should know that i'm typing his name while thinking of greg.. that's y it became briang... haha.. i didn't check before i post too... kk! back to my posting...

woke up at 4.30 today.. super hyper.. didn't know wht to do.. but the weird thing is.. i went to the kitchen and drank damn lots of water loh... then back to my bed and roll here roll there... till 7.30am then "offically" get off my bed and wash up... heee... but heng me... 6+ alr got ppl sms me le... so i didn't rot on my bed... missed me bus today... called yu and met her at her place downstairs... then she realised that she forgot to bring her concession pass.. went up, took it... and reached sch at 9.15!! hahaha yay! we are late for lesson!!! Bah... who cares loh.. dunnoe y we go sch for loh.. only go sch show face.. there's not proper lesson... while walking in.. discovered that a no. of my classmates are late loh! hehehe.. we all are so happy about it. something happened during class... i hope she's alright now... i jus wanna tell her... i know it's difficult to let go... but we have to learn... be strong... we'll be there for her... today... ECD tutorial ended early.. coz practically there's nothing for us to do.. we go there for chit chat session. went for IEF lecture... makan.. and i came home... pon FMGT and AAA tutorial... gonna go for make up lesson for AAA on fri... i don't get it.. y don't poly get some entitlements?! our bus fare are so ex... and then when ppl have half day.. we have full + extended day! sec and pri sch have hol on wed.. wht about me? TEST... wth.. it's giving me frustrations loh... while makaning lunch.. bea sms me... telling me she can't go for ensemble... if she don't go.. i bet azman won't go... then today's ensemble will be so empty coz i'm nt going! siao siao siao siao!! i'm so guilty... but i really need to study.. if not i can die le.... dunnoe lah.. sigh.. yuri's gonna be mad le... booo.....

i'm stuck to persis... HELP

i ended my week end jus like this... is't so fast.. i feel as if it's sat today.. too bad.. it's over! awww... i do'nt look forward to next week.. but i'm looking forward to band.. all that dunnoe dunnoe whose fault loh.. got me stuck to persis..! bah.. loving it.! can we play it again? and again? and again till i drop death? hahaha that's too much le..! BAH BAH BAH... i'm mad... i woke up super early today.. didn't house chores and such.. then briang and greg came over for mahjong before heading to AES... so dumb lah.. we played with my bro.. i didn't know that i got suck a crappy brother.. BTH.. but was fun lah... make me laugh like mad.. but then a bit to the extreme... dunnoe y his sister is not like that de.. anyway.. went down to AES... nothing much lah... but i must say... the 3rd clars really did well! i'm happy and proud of them.. really... but i'm too exhausted to tell them face to face..

and oh!! i'm kinda annoyed today.. becoz of one person... who did'nt put themselves into ppl's shoes when they do certain things... and... also that another person.. WTH lah.. think he's big loh... call me.. and tell me there's rubbish on the floor.. WTH tell me for wht lah! i'm not there to pick rubbish for u.. it's right infront of u.. and it's like 3 metres away from me! how dare u! ass! and he big shot loh... who's he?! not even a member of the sch loh. anywya.. i don't like him! i wasn't kind to him at all... when we were on the bus to the performance venue, alumnis were listening to persis... and here this guy.. singing.. nuts.. i'm listening.. SHHhhh.. ARGH.... ggggggrrrrrrrrrr.... and yet ppl tell me he's humble?! tell me next time lah! not today loh... at times i think maybe he's good lah.. but then... at times i don't.... BAH!

a crazy week ahead of me...

it had been a busy week for me.. that's y i haven't been blogging for about a week.. other than that short short post... managed to finish my FMS project.. with alot of things happening.. since it's over... no point mentioning.. haha.. i also kinda forget liao lah.. this kinda small little things... anyway.. i started my spanish IS also... it was fun.. but this slow melinda don't understand that fast nia... i've got to work hard man! week as usual.. busy... haven't been at home in the night for most of my days... monday: ensemble, tues: home, wed: home(with classmates around.. doing prject, thurs: Band, friday: TPJC concert... today: fireworks... ahahaZ! next week my schedule is about the same liao loh.. more test and exam.. from wed till fri.. i'm fainting.. i've got SERIOUSLY no time to study loh.. i'm going to die liao... maybe repeat modules... who knows.. talking about which.. i got back my FMGT scores liao... 39.5/50... hahah! talking about this mark.. it's really funny.. coz i finally got to shoot back the class mate who always like to say that i'm smart.... BAH....

Am helping out in AESband for the performance tml... something shocking happened today.. i still can't forget it loh.. i mean.. it's not normal for that person to say something to me sia.. haha! fire works was fantastic though we chose the wrong spot.. boo!! but nonetheless.. i saw it!! it's NICE... haha i'm a bit kua zhang ar... almost didn't wanna go today.. coz i'm very tired... woke up early for AES... oh.. i'm so glad... Mr. Yiong says that 3rd clar is good today!! hee..! kinda proud of them too! i hope they will have more confident in their music and play well! welll... after today.. i think they can do it.. it's the matter of they want or don't want.. the matter of being confident of their playing of not.. and of course.. the thing that always get ppl moving... assurance... keep it up clars!! heee... bleah! but still.. i'm kinda moodless today.. i starte my day great today.. but then dunnoe y.. i've got those kinda.. i-don't-feel-like-talking attitude loh.. and i think.. i talked less today.. some might not agree lah..

haha.. played persis in NP band today... haha! azman, me and bea was in 1st.. haha! so nic eloh! hahaa bleh bleh bleh bleh... it's those kinda piece whch is like... poet... letting ur fingers to do "magic" clars have all those run run thingy.. hahah i guess is the winds lah.. not only the clars.. heee... also played Lord of the Dance.. it "killed" me... coz it's like.. fast.. and then it's all semi-quaver tonguing.. hee.. but i'm quite proud of myself today... i manange to trash through most of persis (coz i can't sight read the runs fast enough) and played Lord of the dance with those semi-quavers... after band went out with peee they all, to town then to esplanade for fireworks... nice.....

Why aren't you there when i need you? where are u? come out.. don't hide anymore... i don't wanna play this game anymore... i feel like giving it up... y aren't i strong enough?