heee pon-ed sch today... woke up late today... forgotten that i'm suppose to go out with ting at 10am.. i tot she would forget.. but who knows.. she remembers.. luckily she didn't scold me for not waking up early.. hehe.. poor her, look for me for so long, she called my house.. but i'm too lazy to get out of my bed, and my HP was off. hahaz.. in the end.. we went out, to town. we started talking about our sch days.. it's so weird to know that we became good friends with each other... sec one.. she was labelled the "ah-lian" of the class by me... coz she really look lian loh.. and she's damn fierce.. i forgot under wht circumstances i spoke to her.. but i jus did, from there.. we became closer.. go where also us, but we only talk in sch, after sch, she will go off faster than anyone of us. after sch, we don't contact each other, and this goes on till sec 2, i almost land myself into a bio class becoz of her.. coz we wanna be in the same class, but luckily i didn't if not i will die of bio, but that doesn't harm our relationship. somehow, she made me feels special and wanted. she doesn't give me wht i wanted, but jus straight forward with me. she says things that i don't like, does things that i don't like. but she respect me, she's always there for me. she's those kinda siao person but i'm those serious type. we are of diff character it's jus fate that we are good friends. we seldom talk.. but know wht's happening. wht can i say about this friendship? i'm jus satisfied with it. i hope that we will not lose contact with each other.

sian loh.. next sat i've got function, but i haven't decided wht to where... where's my manager?! my "theme" will be bridal.. but dress wht man?! that morning still got band.. after that will have to rush down to SAFRA.. i think it's at the bukit merah side de.. i haven't even prepare my things.. nvm lah.. i think as long as i provide entertainment to them ba...

what is that that i've achieved in life due to my capabilities... nothing... it's all by luck. it's jus flukes!! my dreams will nv come true.. why am i so lousy? why am i so lazy? do i really belong in this world? maybe i'm overly exhausted? don't think so.. where's my confidence? do i have it? i can build ppl's.. where's mine? who's there to build mine...? or do i even need it?

m'sia travel fair ended quite badly for me... got some super idiotic customers.. and this stupid guy.. whom i shall not mention who or wht is he... made me write the whole TBF.. then tell me don't wan... at first still say till so confirmed.. wasted my time.. and another customer jus practically doesn't understand simple english.. when i slightly raise my voice. then say i'm very fierce... crap... and this couple.. who is so demanding... and fussy... whtever. it's my fault.. fault always lies with me... since young.. from me... i wonder wht am i.. a jinx? maybe loh... who's happy with me?

this is not a world meant for me...

broken into pieces...

geee.. been working at the m'sia travel fair these few days.. hehehe... finally finished my attachment today... this fair is totally.. tedious lah! the first day ar... which is ytr.. i tot will have like... only a no. of ppl.. who knows... friday got more ppl than sat loh! i was like.. diao... hahaha unexpected.. now i know wht it feels like to talk 12 hours none stop.. or maybe.. only 11 hours lah.. after deduction of meal and toilet breaks.. it's relaly.. bth.. no wonder i'm so talkative.. hahah! anyway.. now brain dead le.. dunnoe wht to say liao..hee.. all i can remember is that funny thing that happened jus now... haha.. i might get a chance to be in media corp?! lets see about it... HAHAHA... oh yah.. i was so proud of brian ytr... but no today le... he seemed to be brought down by something.. started weavering le.. (brian! u are suppose to be stronger than me) DIAo... sigh.. brain's dead liao!! blog some other days ba...

work ended with some trouble that i caused... lets skip that shall we? i don't wanna dwell on it... coz i know i'm only imcompetent for this time... i will not be that way again... i shall not let this small lil incident affect me... there are bigger things awaiting for me out there.. if i'm so affected by it.. how am i suppose to fulfil my goal?! how am i suppose to do big things?! no no.. melinda is not going to be like this!

hmmm.... today work was so boring till noon when i went out to lunch with hanying... i think it's the best and happiest day i had for lunch for the past few weeks... it will nv be more happening than today man.. hehe... our original plan was to go to bencoolen to buy watch and then go makan at the hawker there... and so we did... we went bencoolen.. bought watch.. (she bought a DKNY de... so nice.. but a lil too big for me... and i bought a casio de for my cuzzie bdae...), then headed for lunch.. as well as to pack lunch for the rest to eat... while eating.. i alr noticed that the sky was dark.. and by the time we pack finish all the food and was about to leave... it was dizzling le... we didn't care and proceed to bugis village.. to pack more food... but we didn't manage to pack one of my colleague's food... and he wants sesame paste.. so we head back to the hawker... when we were walking back.. it started raining heavily... we can't cross over.. hanying suggested to buy umbrella.. and so we did.. after buying.. the rain got heavier!! it was raining hippos and pigs... but we jus run over to the hawker with our umbrella.. and ended up...... half drenched! hahaz.. so funny loh.. i don't know wht we did tha ttime.. but we jus couldn't stop laughing.. it was raining so heavily that we've got to take a cab back to work.. and when we return to our work place.. we were jus.. WET! geee... what an adventure we had... diao diao...geee... we were like siao ppl...

-Han Ying- gee.. wht a fun day eating with u today.. haha.. i don't think i will ever forget that.. too hard for me to forget le... sianz diao.. a few more days and i will be gone from the office... but nvm.. now that i'm not binded with work schedules... i can meet u after work and go shopping.. heee... the next time we have opportunity.. i bring u to see the bag that i am talking about.. i'm sure u will like it de..

-Leen- thanks for being my listening ear for me jus now... i think i won't be fine so fast if ya aren't there for me jus now... THANKS.... muacksss...

-to the rest of u....- MUACKSSSssssssssss i love all of u soooooooo much...

nothing seems to be going right since the past week... day by day something must happen... on sat... i left work in a hurry coz i was rushing for band.. then know wht? i forgot to clear my table.. clear my things and put them back... i had to call nora to keep them for me... and worse of all.. my day cash for that day was short of cash! today ivy, the accountant called then i realised and recall... glenda took it (cause it was on her table).. but i think.. she wanna teach me a lesson bah... getting more and more forgetful... time flies when i'm working LM... or maybe only jus today?

today ar.. that very &^%^*%$ person in my office.. tell customer wrong things. then i almost kanna sia... sigh... no like no like... so fast.. attachment is gonna come to an end... so much things had happened that i forgot alot of it...

back from band camp a few mins ago... it started from friday.. but i only went ytr due to work... but... work sucks ytr... i was scolded for no reason by my senior manager.... jus becoz of somehting i didn't do? DIAO... sigh... then.. off work late coz super busy.. and went for band late... band camp was ok... nothing much about it.

but this was in my mind during full band at convention today.. wht am i good in? i feel like a total failure lah... i can't do anything properly.. i'm not particularly good in something... not specialised in an area.. i know that too much specialisation is not good lah.. but then not when u know how to do a no. of things but yet.. a master in none. not organ.. not studies... not clarinet... wht's wrong... i'm disappointed in my process of music making. after yrs with one instrument... and yet... i don't think i have any chemistry with it. sight reading sucks.. intonation sucks... fingers are laggy. can i give up? the ans is no... through this band camp i also realised a no. of things... should i really carry on in music making? am i suppose to be in this line? i maybe mad... but giving it up will be the last thing i would ever do.. but it hurts me so much to see myself like this.. i dunnoe wht's wrong or rite... anyone could simply say that i can always employ a teacher... but there are some barriers obstructing me.

i'm lost in this road of life... can someone pls guide me?

i know who will be there to stand by me...

1) God...
2) my shadow

.devastated.down.low self-esteem.low confi.

wht else?

better off alone... who will be there to stand up for me? be there to comfort me?

it's jus such a practical world... i feel like leaving the place that makes me so sad.

to Han Ying... fight for wht u want the most... everyone is ambitious... i'm as fickle minded as u are... but as always.. what we are afraid of.. is what ppl speak of us. and how ppl view us.. who cares? do wht u always wanted... there will forever be ppl who will talk behind ur back.. as long as u are strong.. i'm not.. that's why i fell down.. but i will pick myself up... do not put ur career on hold jus becoz of wht ppl says... i wish for u to be where u are now.. partly becoz of some selfish personal reasons. but i know(and u know too). for u to climb higher.. this isn't the place... without trying, we also dunnoe wht's good for us.. and whtever path u choose.. i will really support u..

had been bumping into my sis' friend the past 2 days in my office.. hahaha i served one of them personally. it's a small world.. heee.. i went out with my sis today.. hehehe.. dunnoe y. maybe i feel comfortable with her.., hehehe we went shopppinggggggggggggg..... hehehe and yes! i finally bought the bag i wanna buy at esprit.. some might not find it fantastic.. but i like lah.. hee... i think my sis like shopping with me.. whenever she shops with me, she find alot of discount de.. hahaha. co-incidentally, it's at esprit shops.

Bah... i finally get to shop. and i think it's the last day i can shop ba... sigh... geee.. beard papa's cheese sticks are nice!

saw something on the bus while coming back... What a sight!

geee... today i ate alot of sales! super busy.. as if it's like sat.. to only realised that maybe it's due to the 4 days of PSLE marking days? hehee.. bah.. after that.. i went out.. hehehe... poor guys.. they must be so bored shopping with melinda... i kinda think maybe next time when i wanna buy things.. i better go alone.. hahahz... coz i hesitate very long de.. very fickle minded... i wanna buy my esprit bag and wallet.. i think i will only end up with a wallet loh.. -_-

Thanks to those 2 who went out with me jus now... though it's boring.. sorry....

i think.. this world will be a happier place without me... ppl around me will be happier without me... i really wanna hide... i can't hold back my tears anymore... i'm causing all the unhappiness coz i am petty... yes.. i'm hurt.. very hurt... serve myself right right? yeah. the doubt u have in me.. makes me hurt... my dependence on ppl made me weak. but it doesn't matter... i know.. i have to live alone in this world. i will learn...

my day was filled with so much joy ytr... but ended it with abit of swing.. haha ytr was a super busy day.. it's really like a soldier fighting in a war... then chit chat chit chat till 10.30pm then knock off.... BAH....

today... it was damn bored... was it?! i can't remember.. jus past the day like that... was a sad sad day for me.. i had this customer today.. they reminded me of someone, and something.. and it hurts so much that i feel like crying on the spot. but i'm not such a soft person lah.. keep it inside me.. while going back home,on the bus, also saw ppl who also reminds me of the past, the exact same thing lah... damn sad.. can i not see all these? no.. whtever.. i need to hide away from this world for awhile. let me hide away from all these reality first. but well.. no... i have to fact it no matter wht.. but... i jus wanna take a short break.. i'm not tired by work, i'm looking forward to work each day... but not seeing that &^% person lah... today... ching was so good! she came to visit me.. but sorry babe.... got to work lah.. supervisior beside me.. hehehe but hten she nv scold me lah.. -heng heng- hehehe! ok lah.. i'm still not in a very nice mood now.. kinda moody lah... alot of things that i'm going through to hand on inside... no one knows.. coz i can't tell... it sucks to keep it inside...

wht a tiring day today... -yawnz- wakie early in the morning at 8am to prepare to go Tampines to meet my friends for lunch... suppose to meet at 10.30am, but i reached at 10am.. my friends were late... and reached at 11am instead... heee.. i'm so glad that i'm able to meet them up, if not.. i dunnoe when will i be able to see them alr.. hehe! then.. while walking around.. i walked into Blush! hehe.. of course without the guys lah.. only me and veron went in and i got myself somethings over there... someone compliment me today! i hope i keep it up woh! heeheh

working was kinda.. pleasant today lah... i jus dind't give a damn about that... &^%^%$ person.. i do my things.. she do her things... didn't even get time to look at her! hahaahz BAH! went for dinner with han ying.. actually wanna go walk walk de.. ended up we sat at KFC and yak all the way till it's time to go back to the office.. working A shift these few days are so fun... hehe! abidah will always buy snacks for me.. i'm fed with chocolate almost everyday -giggles- today... i served a customer, the couple is both mute, so it's a challenge on me on how to communicate and how to let them understand our package, but i'm glad that i did.. and there were happy about it, while doing up their package, i looked at them.. they were such happy ppl... seeing them so happy.. i also dunnoe y.. i also very happy.. i mean.. well.. i'm blessed! and i think.. it's somehting that i've learnt.. these reminds me of the times when i'm in chiangmai for mission exposure where i'm being allocated to help with a family who sells the thai pancake... and none of them knows eng? so we were pointing here and there.. it's like... at first, we didn't know wht to do, as time passes... communicating is like.. easily done.

talking about being blessed and stuff.. i was kinda sad for one of my friends... i jus got to knwo today that her baby, whom she carried for the past 8 months had dead in her womb... i'm so sad for her.. i dunnoe how is she handling.. how can a mother handle such feelings?! i don't know loh.. seriously.. after carrying it for so long.. and then.. when u expect it to come out.. but to only know that it died? i'm speechless about this loh.. life is nv fair...

i jus hrd something.. and i'm so not happy about it... SO SO SO SO not happy about it.

my day started so badly.. waking up before 9am.. and rot till i go for work.. when i reach my work place.. i got scolded by person (whom i freakingly dislike.. even before she scold me. coz she's damn freaking fake). and i was scolded for something that i did correctly. and she was the one at fault. it all went like this..

each time when i type invoice for tour packages.. i will put the check in as

"sin-gen: 1400hrs (10/10) c/i: 1330hrs"

fine.. today morning.. my customer made a big din.. coz the company upgraded his coach.. but can't contact him.. so he dind't know.. and that woman whom is damn fake.. go and scold him about it.. hello?! she got nothing better to do than to pick a fight with customers is it?! then nvm.. then she come and push fault with ppl... like wth lah! then she come and tell me taht i didn't go and tell my customer blar blar blar blar.. ok fine.. then i was filing that invoice at that time.. so i showed her.. and said i did.. then.. she snatched my invoice.. and go and scream kinda loudly for my colleague, jiayi, who was out for lunch. she was telling me that the customer was scolding her loh.. okok.. fine... she can't find her.. so she go and complain to my another colleague and know wht she told her? "hey.. i found that invoice.. i dug it out" EXCUSE ME?! u SNATCHED that invoice from me loh! dig?! okok.. so good thing u claim.. bad ones u push?! then when jia yi is back.. i asked her wht's happening.. so.. i got the whole pic. my customer didn't know that the time changed.. coz they can't reach him. and when he reached late, that idiot go and scream her head off at them lah maybe not scream. but reprimanded them, so my cust wasn't happy.. and was like.. complaining to jiayi.. and jiayi didn't say anything.. coz it's like.. u can't do anything liao rite.. then that idiot was so angry.. coz jiayi didn't stand up on her side lah! then the whole day.. she was scolding ppl... i come in only scold me. HELLO! R*^%$&%$*%&^5 argh! everyone had been talking about this matter since i step into office.. till i knock off at 10pm loh.! even dinner time they also talking about it. fine.. whtever.. maybe she menopause.. her menopause damn jialat lah! other than her.. my life in the company was great! ARGH... i love it when she's off. the office is damn peaceful.. if not.. she will complain andEVERY small little things.. cupboard nv close only.. she will say "WHY U ALL NV CLOSE?! our company's furniture need to use for at least 10 yrs one leh! no wonder it spoils lah.. got ppl like u all" like wth.. then every morning.. she will keep the newspaper to herself.. excuse me?! it's the company's paper.. not urs.

ARGH!! enough of her... every thing spoils my day... except for jose carreras' show.. i managed to catch it.. haha from my work place.. take bus home is ontl half an hour.. hhha! damn fast! i love it! hahahaz, one word to describe the performance.. fantastic!

hahaha.. my sunday wasn't that boring after all.. i went out... to suntec with ting.. hehehe! so long didn't meet up liao.. went to shop shop.. she tot suntec got IT fair.. so i went loh. but who knows.. got body shop sales but no IT fair.. walked around... went to sakae for dinner... then home... hmmm.. i went back to the shoes shop at marina to buy the shoes that i wanna buy but then.. boo hoo hoo... don't have le.. not fated to buy liao.. BOOOOO!!! geee...

sigh.. i saw something today.. but then it's so ex.. i dunnoe if i should buy for someone... sigh. but y am i so concerned?! weird leh.. but nvm.. i think i finish buying my stuff then say lah... sigh.. but my heart don't allow me leh.. diao! i'm not loving myself again liao! no way man.. this is NOT going to happen!! sianz...

wht a boring sunday.. ~

hee... another day had passed... sat is a day out! hhaha... went work, band then shopping! hehehe.. poor brian kanna drag to somewhere he didn't wanna go willingly by us.. -giggles- not the place lah.. but that department.. hahaha! sianz leh.. didn't see anything i wanna buy de... hahaha... it's so weird lah.. when i can buy.. i didn't see the one i like.. when i can't buy.. i saw everything that i like.. had my mudpie today too! haven't eat that for so so long liao! hehehe.. bumped into azre outside heeren's NYDC while walking to cine.. -DIAO- hehehe... it's time to start learning how to manage my finance liao.. if not.. i will not start saving le.. hehehe!

results are out le.. recently had been tied down with some stuff.. but now i've got more time.. hehehe... i slpt early last night.. but woke up at 6am today.. wanna continue slping de.. but i'm freaking worried.. so jus took up my com and check my results.. i was only hoping not to see a F.. i don't mind other things... and when i clicked on my results.. i got a shock..

accounting applications & analysis: A
spanish: AD
enterprise creation and development: B+
finanical management: A
financial markets and serviced: B
international econ and finance: B
life sci revolution: A+

tot i would get a fail or a C. coz i screwed up my paper.. AAA i still read the qns wrongly and ans incorrectly. nonetheless.. it's over... still got 3 more wars infront of me... before i grad. hope i will keep in this range... thank God for wht i've received. after i saw wht i got.. i chiong into my mom's room.. haha.. she got a shock from me. then next... i was wondering wht my friend's reaction will be.. i asked him to help me to check my results incase it's really out at 9am.. then when he called my office... he like kinda relectant to tell me.. but i can roughly guess wht he's reaction lah... hahaa.. hor?! he will be thinking "as usual, still dare to say she will fail"

Bah! gonna have busy days ahead liao.. tml actually wanna bring mom to eat at rice table.. but got some stuff... next week working night shift, my friends from thai are coming... sigh... gee..i've got to work harder next sem... (each sem i tell myself that.. and i'm such a slacker) haha...

work's getting more and more boring.. more and more politics.. sianz! esp today... no cust at all! rot.. made alot of calls.. to tlak talk talk.. hahahahz... gee.. fill ya in more next time. hahaha so many things going on.. heheehe

is blogger kinda... siao?! the template is still so.. sala... anyway.. BAH.. who cares.. can blog can le.. cannot also nvm.. doesn't matter much anyway.. last post was ytr morning.. but it seemed as if i've not blog for DAYS... hahaha..

went for band camp today. missed the first 2 days due to work.. SIANZ... then went for paige's BBQ also.. heee... nothing much lah.. like normal loh.. till my my phone ring... private number... was wondering who.. tot was some band ppl to tell me some stuff about ensemble lah... then who knows... TA DAH!! it's my buddy.. maybe even more than buddy... we've not chat for SO long... i'm so happy to hear from her... my only dear buddy from sec sch... i'm a loner in sec sch.. she's like my only friend? kinda lah.. the relationship we have is like.. wonderful.. seldom talk.. but then.. know each other in and out... during out short half an hour.. we covered so much.. our attachment, our friends, school, shopping.. ALL SORTS of crap... i was really touched by her... she told me... "one day.. if u were to become a lesbian.. i wanna be ur gf/bf." (we were on that topic coz she was asking me if i know someone.) then i was like "huh?! but you've got a bf how? cannot cannot" she replied, " can always break off..." well.. she's not a person who don't like her bf of take him for granted lah.. jus that... btw couples.. there are too much things beyond what we can see bah...

how i wish we were back to last time.. yes... she's like a gangster.. she is full of vulgarities.. she smokes... had a temper worse than mine. she can easily get angry if i come of my class for recess later than her (she's not in the same class as me). but surprisingly, i dunnoe how i tolerate with her... i jus did. one thing that i can't do is to stop her from smoking.. so i gave up... and each time when she smokes.. she will remember.. and smoke opp my direction... she's jus always there when i need her lah.. but it's diff for us to meet up now... diff sch, diff course... =(

i love her so much... thank u for being there for me... i'm looking forward to next week...

hmm... blogger's format siao liao?! hahahaz i'm looking at a weird posting thingy now.. hahah! nvm lah... so fast... 2 weeks eversince i started my attachments.... but work is getting mroe and more boring.. more and more politics (it's around everywhere anyway). hahaha.... bleah... nvm.. 4 more weeks to go... i'll be alocated to work for travel fair.. on the 28/10, 29/10 and 30/10 everyday de working hours is 9am - 10pm. taxing sia... hahaha..

alot of things had been happening recently.. but managed to solve everything and cleared my name ytr.. if not i will be innocently aimed... so pissed... ppl jus choose to complain without thinking.. lucky ppl can see that it's not my fault. that's the only heng thing... but i'm kinda turn off by that person who put me into hot soup lah.. she didn't even admit that it's her loh... sighie... hao le lah.. i've got to get ready for work liao.. hehehe. ytr glenda was SUPER good to me... xiao jun too.. hahahaz if only everyday is like that... =)